Very nervous | Imamother

amother

Copper

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 10:16 am

dankbar wrote:

What you can do is bring along two year old on trip & then have a babysitter watch him at hall during wedding & sheva bruchos

I agree with this. Also if you want to go out during day have a babysitter as well. But I would try use the same 1 or 2 so not traumatizing for him and he gets used to the idea.
Or if you must leave him behind and you still have a while before the wedding take him to the babysitter a few times (who you planned on having him stay by) so he gets used to them now.

sleepybeauty

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 10:18 am

soap suds wrote:

I believe most (if not all) 2 yr olds are generally excluded from family simchas like weddings and sheva brachos, be it local or international.

I think it is fair to explain that you can only come to an overseas wedding if you can bring your toddler (if you are not comfortable leaving him). Leave it up to the person making the Simcha. Alternatively, you can travel with the toddler and hire a local babysitter for the night. Of course you don’t have to if you’re comfortable leaving your toddler, I just know mine wouldn’t deal with it well.

amother

Lime

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 10:18 am

If you can't understand the snideness and smugness in your "bracha" then no the only way you will learn is through life experience. And the fact that you keep lecturing me about not opening threads just shows this and telling me I'm bitter. It is not your place to tell me this. You sound young and inexperienced. Very judgmental. Very. I don't wish bad on anybody so I will choose to forgive you. It is not easy for me. I had a sleepless night due to the pain you caused me. I am mochel you on one condition, truly think about what it means to judge someone favorably. Because whatever you posted wasn't that.
But now that I see you just don't know any better, you obviously don't have the life experience to understand it. So I will choose to judge you favorably. If you can take a few minutes to really think about that then maybe I can be mochel.

amother

Gold

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 10:21 am

sleepybeauty wrote:

Or only one parent goes and the other stays home with young kids.

sleepybeauty

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 10:22 am

sequoia wrote:

And no, taking a whiny toddler on an overseas flight is not a good idea. Have rachmanus on the other passengers!

You are allowed to bring toddlers out in public. Yes, you should do what you can to keep them occupied, but you don’t have to keep them at home for fear of offending other passengers.

sleepybeauty

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 10:23 am

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

Or only one parent goes and the other stays home with young kids.

Another good option if it’s a possibility.

amother

Bronze

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 10:26 am

I'm taking psychology in college and the professor ( a frum woman) explained that children should not be left with people they don't know well because of attachment issues. Just because people do it, doesn't mean it's right.

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 10:30 am

Amother lime, I truly don't know what you want from my life. But you have succeeded in making me so hurt that I'm crying, congratulations. I still don't see how any of my posts are hurtful. It just seems like you're misreading every post of mine to make me sound like a terrible person.
And I'm not young, naive, or inexperienced. I've gone through enough challenges in my life and I'm really not out to hurt anyone.

amother

Mauve

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 10:32 am

dankbar wrote:

How many babies go daily to babysitters from when they are born? Many 2 year olds are officially in playgroup at this age. The more they go out, the less they are afraid. Kids that are always home with mommy & never go away have a harder time detaching from mom

How can u compare sending a baby to daycare with dropping a child off at a stranger for a few days without knowing what's going on and not knowing when their mother is coming back? Babies going to daycare have a routine. Mommy - sitter - mommy - sitter

If a child has detachment anxiety because you never gave him the opportunity to detatch from you that your fault and you have to deal with the consequences. (Ie - detach in a healthy way a little at a time not just dump and run -also I'm not talking about regular anxiety, I'm talking abt anxiety that "Kids that are always home with mommy & never go away have a harder time detaching from mom".

amother

Lime

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 10:38 am

So I made you cry? How do you think I get through my day when I have unkind comments and difficult situations to deal with. I suck it up mostly, except when something extra hard strikes a nerve.
. The fact that you keep arguing with me prevents me from judging you favorably. I just can't. You refuse to truly listen and I was honestly trying to reach out. But that is an effort that takes 2,and you won't or just can't. So no point in me trying. But you did succeed in one thing, I'm off this thread.

flowerpower

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 10:38 am

What I would do if I were you is send the toddler to this sitter for 2 hours every day so he is very familiar with her. See how he adjusts when you take him there every day...There are people that send their toddlers to a sitter they never met for 2-3 week and it’s just plain cruel. I would not take a toddler on an 8 hour flight if I didn’t have to. That is just torturing yourself. You won’t enjoy the simcha either.

amother

Green

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 11:30 am

amother [ Bronze ] wrote:

Millions of children go to daycare daily, initially with people they don't know, and don't have "attachment issues".

amother

Tan

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 11:34 am

amother [ Green ] wrote:

Millions of children go to daycare daily, initially with people they don't know, and don't have "attachment issues".

Youre probably right.
On the other hand- how would you know for sure?
Many of us have attachment issues but you wouldnt know it just by looking at us

ectomorph

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 11:34 am

amother [ Green ] wrote:

Millions of children go to daycare daily, initially with people they don't know, and don't have "attachment issues".

Firstly, some do get attachment issues. Most don't because day care is only a few hours and their mother comes back.

For a 2 year old, losing a mother for a week is the equivalent of losing her forever.

It is equivalent to the trauma of actually being adopted by the babysitter. Who may not know the child's preferences or be as loving as the mom

Many people have posted stories of children not forgiving their mothers after such a separation. The 2 year old age is old enough to remember trauma, but not old enough to conceptualize that a mother can leave for a week and come back.

amother

Tan

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 11:37 am

A child left in day care for many hours with an overworked provider with too many chikdren who barely gets looked ar each day... probably will have some attatchment issues. If they spend quality time with a sitter who loves them - thats different

joss3

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 11:38 am

I think you should stay home with your baby.

Your two year olds emotional needs, especially how it may affect him long term, are more important than attending your nephews wedding.

Zehava

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 11:40 am

Geez the imamother sanctimommy club. This is why I rarely post here about these topics, or about SB.
Leaving kids with competent caretakers is a normal part of life. We can’t always be hooked onto our children 24/7 365 days a year. Sometimes we need a little me-time to be better mommies the rest of the time. And sometimes things happen like a new baby or a simcha.