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Financially dependent parents or inlaws



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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Jul 03 2019, 10:30 pm
If anyone here can tell me what its like to help out your dependent parents id love any advice from the wise.
This seems like its going to be a new part of our lives.
How did it affect your marriage?
Your relationship with your siblings?
Relationship with your parents if u didnt think they need XYZ?
Anything else there is to know ? TIA
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amother
Slategray


 

Post Wed, Jul 03 2019, 10:34 pm
I was helping out mil slipping her money when times were tough for us. She was always saying how much she was hurting for money. Found out she had a nice nest egg tucked away. I resent it especially because our money was contributing to it, and she is dividing it among all the siblings who didn't contribute.
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amother
Pink


 

Post Wed, Jul 03 2019, 10:36 pm
Dependent, how? Moving in with you? Full financial support?
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Jul 03 2019, 10:48 pm
They are in a lot of debt. Both retired with minimal saving. Looking to do a reverse mortgage on their home...
Their children plan to fully support them while they cont living on their own. The are in their low 70s
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Wed, Jul 03 2019, 10:50 pm
My in-laws have some debt from private loans my fil had taken when marrying off and when he wasn't working regularly due to an illness in the family. Dh was approached by someone my fil had turned to for help with repaying his loans. This person came to us without my fil's knowledge, asking if we can help out with some debts that people desperately wanted back. We're middle income, covering monthly expenses without much in savings, but over time we've paid more than 30k of those debts using our maaser money. Not sure what story the guy told my fil about where the money came from.
There was a time that I was upset about this, because my mil spends freely on clothes, gifts for the grandchildren, things like that. She's a very generous person, but I thought they should live more responsibly and make loan payments a priority. For whatever reason, my fil refuses to discuss spending with her, and she probably doesn't even know the extent of the debts. I felt that we were enabling irresponsible behavior.
But dh believes that using our maaser money in this way is kibbud av, and tzedakah begins with family. I eventually came to a place of acceptance, understanding that it is not for me to make cheshbonos for their lifestyle. If we can help, we should try to do so, and I pray that Hashem will reward us by helping us when we need a yeshua (which I actually do now in an unrelated matter), without making too many calculations whether WE are deserving or not...
As far as siblings, none of them are in position to help in the same way. They gave a little at one point but that's it, so it's not sth that has affected our relationship with them in any way.
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Wed, Jul 03 2019, 10:54 pm
op, if they own their home and can do a reverse mortgage, what's the problem?
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Laiya




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 03 2019, 10:56 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
They are in a lot of debt. Both retired with minimal saving. Looking to do a reverse mortgage on their home...
Their children plan to fully support them while they cont living on their own. The are in their low 70s


That's very admirable, but quite a burden to take on. Have any of their children gone with them to an accountant or a financial advisor?

Aside from the debt, are they able to pay for their basic necessities? Do they get government benefits? Is the purpose of the reverse mortgage to pay off debt, or to pay for necessities?
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Jul 03 2019, 11:36 pm
amother [ Khaki ] wrote:
op, if they own their home and can do a reverse mortgage, what's the problem?


They can only get less than 100k out of their house and half or more will go to debts. Main point of the reverse is to lighten the monthly expenses because they wont have to pay the mortgage anymore.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Jul 03 2019, 11:39 pm
Laiya wrote:
That's very admirable, but quite a burden to take on. Have any of their children gone with them to an accountant or a financial advisor?

Aside from the debt, are they able to pay for their basic necessities? Do they get government benefits? Is the purpose of the reverse mortgage to pay off debt, or to pay for necessities?


They have no income and very little SS as they started cashing out early.
They have govt insurance... (medicaid?)
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Laiya




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 05 2019, 12:11 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
They have no income and very little SS as they started cashing out early.
They have govt insurance... (medicaid?)


Would they qualify for food stamps? Are they able to pay their monthly mortgage if they don't do the reverse mortgage? Is there any way either of them can generate some income now? I would definitely speak with a financial adviser or accountant to advise you before you make long term commitments, as well as have your in laws do the same.

Eta. Also assuming no 401k?

Part of your meeting with the accountant should be to review the last several years of your in laws' tax returns. You don't want surprises, and you need to understand the full picture of their finances.

Another thing, since you said that part of the reason for the reverse mortgage is to pay off debt. Perhaps an attorney who specializes in bankruptcy can help negotiate down some of that debt. You'll have to pay the attorney, but it may be worth it.
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amother
Lawngreen


 

Post Fri, Jul 05 2019, 12:35 am
Thought you meant parents or in laws who are still financially dependent on their parents...

My in laws are still like that. Still being almost exclusively supported by one of their parents.

I always wonder what’ll be when their parents pass on, if there will no inheritance or anything. Will my in laws then become dependent on their kids because they were never forced to become financially independent...?
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