Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Household Management -> Finances
Can I NOT GIVE BAR MITZVA GIFTS??help!!!
1  2  Next



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jul 04 2019, 8:57 pm
I never give gifts now bec. Of finances. So many ppl deserve Presents whether money or gift...but if I give noone, it saves a lot of money.

But, now my kids are older, they have their friends simchas like bar mitzvahs and bas mitzvas.......and I dont know if they can go and not give their friend a present(and yes im ok if their friends dont reciprocate bec its cheaper if I just give my children presents myself....)

What do u think???

And, if I give a gift what is a cheap nice gift to give??? Or, is there such a thing as a gift cheap enough but also nice enough to give??? I dont think giving a sefer will be appreciated...and I dont think giving a siddur is appreciated either so...


(If u want to just bash me or criticize, pls avoid posting...im open to all views but pls be respectful...)
Back to top

TwinsMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 04 2019, 9:01 pm
If your son's friends are offended by no gift or a very inexpensive gift, then they aren't great friends, are they? My son's BM is coming up in a few months and I'm not EXPECTING any gifts--- we might get some, but he and I haven't discussed that at all--- the ikar is the milestone and the acceptance of the mitzvos. NOTHING AT ALL wrong with a sefer or a siddur, or quite frankly, a card with some nice wishes and brachos for the recipient with maybe a $10 gift card to the Judaica store.
Back to top

rowo




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 04 2019, 9:04 pm
Gifts in the bar and bas mitzvah years can really add up.
A lot of people here do group gifts. That helps bring the cost down each time.

Why wouldn’t a Sefer or Siddur be appreciated? I thought that was a pretty standard BM gift
Back to top

amother
Sienna


 

Post Thu, Jul 04 2019, 9:09 pm
Thinking out of the box.
Can you give a donation in their honor, and have the institution write out a card.
Back to top

amother
Lawngreen


 

Post Thu, Jul 04 2019, 9:17 pm
Our kids school pools the money
At each of the kids bar mitzvah they get the money
Back to top

amother
Lawngreen


 

Post Thu, Jul 04 2019, 9:17 pm
A menorah is a nice gift
Back to top

amother
Magenta


 

Post Thu, Jul 04 2019, 9:21 pm
A shofar is a nice gift.
Back to top

amother
Magenta


 

Post Thu, Jul 04 2019, 9:23 pm
We're well off. In my circles people don't give wedding gifts for the most part. No one came without a bar/bas mitzvah gift. I was not expecting because gifts aren't the norm.

OP give what you can.
Back to top

OutATowner




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 04 2019, 9:27 pm
If $10 per kid is in your budget, I would give that or a $10 gift card (not a check, some people take forever to deposit). Of course, if you have 40 kids in the grade that would be a problem...
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jul 04 2019, 9:30 pm
Thanks everyone for posting. I personally, dont expect gifts and teach my kids likewise....so its good to know maybe some kids wont expect it..
I was not aware of my kids school pooling the money for a gift, if they would do it, it would save a lot of money for every parent in the class.
Back to top

dankbar




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 04 2019, 10:05 pm
most classes buy together & everyone chips in few dollars, or they buy in amount they got from whoever contributed.

I sometimes give a small challah board.
By amazing savings they sometimes have for $6_10. By judaica store from $10 & up. Different type for different prices. you can find a nicer one for $30-40 dollars. The boys really enjoy it
Back to top

lucky14




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 04 2019, 10:37 pm
amother [ Sienna ] wrote:
Thinking out of the box.
Can you give a donation in their honor, and have the institution write out a card.


I think it's a very special kid who will appreciate a donation given in their name instead of a gift.

Unless you really truly can not afford it (and I know there are people who can't) I think it's important for your child to give gifts to his/her friends even if it's something small. Maybe start a savings and put aside a small amount of $ each week so it will add up and you can use that for gifts. Even a small gift card or cash is something.

As someone else mentioned it also depends on just how many bar/bat mitzvas your child will be attending.
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jul 04 2019, 11:05 pm
lucky14 wrote:
I think it's a very special kid who will appreciate a donation given in their name instead of a gift.

Unless you really truly can not afford it (and I know there are people who can't) I think it's important for your child to give gifts to his/her friends even if it's something small. Maybe start a savings and put aside a small amount of $ each week so it will add up and you can use that for gifts. Even a small gift card or cash is something.

As someone else mentioned it also depends on just how many bar/bat mitzvas your child will be attending.


Can I really "get away" with "only" $10? Wont parents think its too "cheap"?? My son n dd has some really nice kids in their classes whose parents im not friends with(but they gave presents by the parties when they were younger). Then, there are richer more snobby kids. Its around 25 kids per class.
Back to top

daagahminayin




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 04 2019, 11:41 pm
OP, for bas mitzvah’s can you make jewelry instead of buying?
Back to top

amother
Cyan


 

Post Fri, Jul 05 2019, 12:04 am
I think a sefer or siddur is fine. A gift card to a judaica store is fine, too. Maybe see if your child has a couple of friends who would like to chip in. That way, you could give a gift card for a more generous amount, say $25 it $30, just it would come from a few friends instead of one.
A shofar or menorah sounds expensive, honestly.
(No jewelry, I feel that goes without saying)
Reality is, it will be uncomfortable for your kid to be the only one not giving a gift.
Back to top

amother
Lime


 

Post Fri, Jul 05 2019, 12:12 am
I would do a Sefer or Jewish book with gift receipt. This way they can return it if they want.
I get a bunch for cheap - like $12. I ask salesman what he recommends as a gift.
Most boys after their bar mitzvah they want to fill up bookcase with sefarim

Another idea - fun inexpensive cuff links.

Or don’t give anything. We recently made a bar mitzvah and ds either got cash or sefarim. Many people gave nothing.
Ds got some duplicate sefarim and was able to return and pooled the money and got something big he wanted.
Back to top

amother
Emerald


 

Post Fri, Jul 05 2019, 12:49 am
our school pools a gift, the school offers a few gifts taht the boys parents actaully buy for him. but then each kid gets the gift they chose and its as if it's from their classmates and this way no one brings a gift. can you ask the school to organize this? in addition to saving money it is a huge help as far as effort and time goes into getting a gift each time.
Back to top

amother
Amethyst


 

Post Fri, Jul 05 2019, 2:35 am
BTDT- in those years, I would bulk-buy cheap gifts on sale that looked suitable (this was mostly for basmitzvahs) - there was the cupcake-recipe-book phase, the small jewellery box phase etc.
Back to top

m987




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 05 2019, 7:27 am
For my classes bas mitzvahs, my parents and one of my friends parents chipped in to buy a tehilim for each girl and we gave it from both of us. Not a fancy leather one.
Back to top

amother
Teal


 

Post Fri, Jul 05 2019, 8:23 am
Where my kids go to school, in 7th grade (the bar mitzvah year) you give $36 to the PTA and every boy in the grade gets the same gift for their bar mitzvah, a class gift. I'm not up to that stage yet, I just know from other parents in the school who have kids in older grades.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a sefer, this is a bar mitzvah, not a glorified birthday party! Leading up to my bat mitzvah, I told my mom that if anyone asked what to get me, she should specifically say I wanted sefarim, NOT jewelry. I got many wonderful sefarim and even beautiful sets of sefarim that I cherish to this day. Every YT, I still use the engraved machzorim a family friend gave me for my bat mitzvah.

I do think it's important to try to find a way to give a gift, even if it's cheap. You don't want your kids to feel weird for being the only ones who didn't give, and it is appropriate to give something to a Simcha you are part of. It does not need to be a lot. If someone thinks you're cheap, that's their problem. A small, cheap gift is doing the right thing, better than no gift. Also, I don't think anyone expects much from classmates, you're all in the same boat of having to participate in 20 something bar mitzvahs this year. Most will understand. If your kids want to do something special for a close friend, you can contribute your standard amount, and they can supplement with their own money.
Back to top
Page 1 of 2 1  2  Next Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Bat Mitzvah Gifts
by amother
2 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 5:40 pm View last post
S/O stuff you need / stuff to give away 78 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 11:17 am View last post
Don't have who to give shaloch manos
by amother
9 Sun, Mar 24 2024, 8:28 am View last post
Anyone know - web that starts with classic (gifts)
by amother
1 Sun, Mar 24 2024, 2:10 am View last post
BH my kids are cute or we would give them away!!
by amother
26 Fri, Mar 22 2024, 12:07 pm View last post