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Cultural differences
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yo'ma




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 05 2019, 8:03 am
If you live somewhere than where you grew up, what cultural differences have you experienced? Probably a change of country is more culturally different than a city or state.

I'm over it already, and I don't know if it's culture, but for preschool they have a parent stay in the hall for awhile until the child feels comfortable.

The next thing doesn't really affect me except in one way. The kids here go to bed quite late in my opinion and also in some of theirs. I've spoken to other parents and they do think they're kids go to bed late, but it's what they do,it's the culture. Some kids do take a nap during the day, so that's why they go to bed late and that's cultural too. Some don't. It affects me only because since it's normal to go to bed late, they have parties or functions later than I would like for my children.

This one I just found out about. A friend of mine, her dd is getting married. I got an invitation for the shower. The shower is given by the mothers friends and that's who's invited. The mil is also invited, but I don't think her friends are invited. I'll let you know, it's in about a week.

I'm sure there are more, but that's all I can think of for now. Wait, maybe this one is cultural too or just I haven't seen. Today and I've seen it before, a person gets on the train and asks someone for a seat. The person asking is pregnant or elderly, but I saw they asked the second they got on and didn't give anyone a chance to volunteer. I've seen many times people get up on their own for people, so it's not like they ask because otherwise people won't get up. Like I said, I don't know if that's a culture thing or not.
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amother
Copper


 

Post Fri, Jul 05 2019, 8:36 am
Very common were I live that wedding showers are thrown by and attended by people who are a generation older than the bride. Toronto.
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 05 2019, 8:43 am
I could talk for hours about israelis.
How it's totally normal to stick your nose into a public platter or plate of food. To pick something up and smell it, and return it to the table. Can't Believe It

A big one for me was hygiene. I guess I'm originally more OOT, and I grew up showering every other day. Apparently that's absolutely repulsive to many americans I meet who may even shower twice a day in the hot israeli summers. I don't know, I always learned sweat it goof for your body and it's not "gross". I don't understand why some societies condition people to think sweat is "gross". It's not healthy to shower so often.

Hmmmm what else.
I miss the OOT friendliness. Living in a place where giving a compliment to the cashier or chatting with the receptionist about how both of your days are going; when you have never met her before in your life is normal.
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Fri, Jul 05 2019, 8:53 am
Israel V not Israel

I was 'new in town' and on a bus to get induced in the middle of the horribly humid Israeli summer. 42 weeks pregnant and I was standing beside a young man who didn't offer me his seat, despite being the only young person in the area (I'm hardly going to ask grandma for her seat!) Before I could ask him, the whole bus intervened on my behalf and started yelling at him. He looked at me (huuuuuuge pregnant lady. Seriously whale like. I threw out all the photos of this period of my life) and said "oh! I didn't see her!" I felt really bad for him because people gave him a terrible time, but I found the... how should I call it... 'gang intervention' simply astonishing! This would never have happened in chu"l. I've seen this happen many, many times since - in supermarkets, doctors offices, misrad hapnim (that place brings out the worst in everyone...) - it's rather special
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 05 2019, 9:55 am
Things that people say they "hate" about Israel, I choose to look at as "charming local color". LOL

I once had a cashier chase me outside a grocery store, because she didn't give me enough change. She could have just as easily pocketed it, instead of abandoning her register.

Sometimes I have trouble reading people, and I love that most Israelis are brutally honest and up front. You always know where you stand with them, for better or worse. I'd take that over passive aggressive back stabbing and political correctness any day.

Shopping is always an adventure, because what's in the grocery store depends entirely on what came in on the trucks that week. You may see a brand you've never seen before, and then never see it again. You may get delicious celery, or they might not have it at all. Cheddar cheese is really expensive, and hard to find except at a few stores. We call them "American stores", because they bring in stuff for homesick Anglos.

You learn that "being flexible" goes to a whole new level, when you figure out that going with the flow will make your life much easier. Being stressed does not make the lines move any faster. I'm actually way more chill these days.

My neighbors across the hall are Moroccan. They speak maybe 2 words of English, but every Shabbos and Yom Tov they bring me amazing food.
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amother
Lemon


 

Post Thu, Jul 11 2019, 10:11 pm
I grew up in Detroit and lived most of my adult life in Brooklyn. There wasn't much culture shock because the community is such a big mix of people from all over. Everyone has a different way of doing things and you just learn to accept. It was a big adjustment for me not having much space but my kids who grew up with it don't seem to mind it. Growing up the NY kids seemed much more aggressive and chutzpadik but I don't see it in my kids so much. I guess you don't see it when it's your own... Also my husband is from NY and he doesn't have the traits I associate with "New Yorkers." I think the NY personality is mostly a myth.
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amother
Coral


 

Post Fri, Jul 12 2019, 12:47 am
amother [ Lemon ] wrote:
I grew up in Detroit and lived most of my adult life in Brooklyn. There wasn't much culture shock because the community is such a big mix of people from all over. Everyone has a different way of doing things and you just learn to accept. It was a big adjustment for me not having much space but my kids who grew up with it don't seem to mind it. Growing up the NY kids seemed much more aggressive and chutzpadik but I don't see it in my kids so much. I guess you don't see it when it's your own... Also my husband is from NY and he doesn't have the traits I associate with "New Yorkers." I think the NY personality is mostly a myth.


No myth for me, I find newyorkers very rude and self centered.
In the frum community everyone will help but no one really cares
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ectomorph




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 12 2019, 1:04 am
amother [ Coral ] wrote:


No myth for me, I find newyorkers very rude and self centered.
In the frum community everyone will help but no one really cares

Isn't that better than people pretending to care but never actually helping?

I miss the tremendous chesed in N.Y. my oot community has wonderful chesed. But no hospital meals. No hatzala.
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amother
Beige


 

Post Fri, Jul 12 2019, 2:13 am
amother [ Taupe ] wrote:
Israel V not Israel

I was 'new in town' and on a bus to get induced in the middle of the horribly humid Israeli summer. 42 weeks pregnant and I was standing beside a young man who didn't offer me his seat, despite being the only young person in the area (I'm hardly going to ask grandma for her seat!) Before I could ask him, the whole bus intervened on my behalf and started yelling at him. He looked at me (huuuuuuge pregnant lady. Seriously whale like. I threw out all the photos of this period of my life) and said "oh! I didn't see her!" I felt really bad for him because people gave him a terrible time, but I found the... how should I call it... 'gang intervention' simply astonishing! This would never have happened in chu"l. I've seen this happen many, many times since - in supermarkets, doctors offices, misrad hapnim (that place brings out the worst in everyone...) - it's rather special



It works the other way too Twisted Evil

I was on a train in israel. Newly pregnant. It was boiling hot and I was feeling extremely nauseous and very faint. I quickly sat down and tried taking a few breaths. A lady came on with a newborn and a few old men started yelling at me to get up. I did because I was too embarrassed to ignore everyone and I spent the rest of the ride seeing black spors and hoping I wouldn't hit the floor.

So yea, maybe we should be dan lkaf zchus and not yell at people for not givinv up their seats? It doesn't take a huge leap of imagination to assume that maybe someone has a reason. There are many hidden reasons or disabilities.
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Fri, Jul 12 2019, 2:39 am
amother [ Beige ] wrote:
It works the other way too Twisted Evil

I was on a train in israel. Newly pregnant. It was boiling hot and I was feeling extremely nauseous and very faint. I quickly sat down and tried taking a few breaths. A lady came on with a newborn and a few old men started yelling at me to get up. I did because I was too embarrassed to ignore everyone and I spent the rest of the ride seeing black spors and hoping I wouldn't hit the floor.

So yea, maybe we should be dan lkaf zchus and not yell at people for not givinv up their seats? It doesn't take a huge leap of imagination to assume that maybe someone has a reason. There are many hidden reasons or disabilities.


Tbh I would have just explained my own condition (you're more than likely never going to see any of these people again) and everyone would have more than likely been very sympathetic. No need to suffer.
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amother
Lilac


 

Post Fri, Jul 12 2019, 2:48 am
What if it was a teenage girl with menstrual cramps? Some people just don't think quickly on their feet especially when in pain, and why should they have to make up a story or tell personal, embarrassing information? In front of a whole crowd???
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 12 2019, 3:14 am
amother [ Lilac ] wrote:
What if it was a teenage girl with menstrual cramps? Some people just don't think quickly on their feet especially when in pain, and why should they have to make up a story or tell personal, embarrassing information? In front of a whole crowd???


You can say you really don't feel well.
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amother
Beige


 

Post Fri, Jul 12 2019, 3:34 am
LovesHashem wrote:
You can say you really don't feel well.


I could have and probably should have.

Its really, really hard for someone (probably a women in particular) to stand up to herself when a group of people are yelling at them.

I am usually a very confident, outspoken person but when confronted with a large group (or as the previous poster said "a mob" or "gang") its extremely hard to stand up for yourself.

Additionally, I don't think that I HAVE to expose my personal situation. In that situation it was not something embarrassing but it was deeply private. Imagine if someone has something that they are embarrassed about, or with ppl that they do know. And besides, why is it someone else's job to decide who needs a seat more? In that moment, I evaluated for myself that I could not give my seat to someone else. Honestly, that was my decision and judgement to make. Not anyone elses.

And remember, this wasn't a polite- hey can you give up your seat? In which case I could have responded " im sorry but I can't right now"


My point is: the previous poster saw a "beautiful situation" that really helped her and I am sure all those people just wanted to help a heavily pregnant woman which is great! But please remember that everyone may be going through something and ganging up and yelling is NOT a "beautiful" way to handle the situation
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amother
White


 

Post Fri, Jul 12 2019, 4:53 am
I once got on a bus here with an infant and a toddler. The bus was full, with most of the seats taken by teenagers. The driver announced (in Hebrew, of course)"Here, gveret, take my seat. In any case I can't drive without you being seated!"

The next summer, I had a similar situation on a NY bus, but this time, everyone was yelling at me for taking a bus with kids!
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Fri, Jul 12 2019, 5:21 am
amother [ Beige ] wrote:
Its really, really hard for someone (probably a women in particular) to stand up to herself when a group of people are yelling at them.

Are you still living in Israel? Cos this is a critical part of the absorption process!

If it makes you feel better, the young man on the bus was neither disabled nor pregnant Wink
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amother
Beige


 

Post Fri, Jul 12 2019, 6:51 am
amother [ Taupe ] wrote:
Are you still living in Israel? Cos this is a critical part of the absorption process!

If it makes you feel better, the young man on the bus was neither disabled nor pregnant Wink


I do and have lived here for a while.
Im curious, are you able to stand up for yourself when you are not feeling well and being yelled at by a gang of people?

Do you know many women who can do that?

I love israel but I think that what I described is a HUGE drawback to the culture here. I don't think its ok and its a negative part of living here
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Fri, Jul 12 2019, 7:23 am
amother [ Beige ] wrote:
I do and have lived here for a while.
Im curious, are you able to stand up for yourself when you are not feeling well and being yelled at by a gang of people?

Do you know many women who can do that?

I love israel but I think that what I described is a HUGE drawback to the culture here. I don't think its ok and its a negative part of living here


I can't comment on your own specific situation, but I personally find most Israelis pretty fair in their treatment of one another. If you're honest with them and upfront with what you think and need they'll generally respect you. Western culture includes a lot of so called polite niceties which normal Israelis find extraneous. It leads to a lot of misunderstanding. Also Israelis yell as a form of normal communication. It's not always an aggression thing.
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 12 2019, 8:35 am
amother [ Beige ] wrote:
I do and have lived here for a while.
Im curious, are you able to stand up for yourself when you are not feeling well and being yelled at by a gang of people?

Do you know many women who can do that?

I love israel but I think that what I described is a HUGE drawback to the culture here. I don't think its ok and its a negative part of living here


It's one sentence. It's hard to get out but you can say it "Ani Lo Margisha Tov"
You can even add something along the lines of you feel faint, and therefore really need a seat. I know it's hard; Idk, I find it much harder to stand up to myself when people are being unreasonable; like when people cut you in line or take your spot and claim they were always there.
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mochamix18




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 12 2019, 9:09 am
amother [ Beige ] wrote:
I do and have lived here for a while.
Im curious, are you able to stand up for yourself when you are not feeling well and being yelled at by a gang of people?

Do you know many women who can do that?

I love israel but I think that what I described is a HUGE drawback to the culture here. I don't think its ok and its a negative part of living here


I’m not proud to admit this, but when people start getting very Israeli with me and yelling I burst into tears and it usually works.
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urban gypsy




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 12 2019, 9:29 am
ectomorph wrote:
Isn't that better than people pretending to care but never actually helping?


Thoughts and prayers! LOL
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