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Bed times

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sarahiam

Fri, Jul 05 2019, 10:27 am

hi all

the biggest fight my dh and I have in a generally good marriage is around bedtimes. especially for toddlers (been a constant fight for years now). he gets home from work and wants to play with them, ive just gotten the kids somewhat relaxed and maybe ready for a story or even if not bed not play time. he thinks not fair to him, they end up staying up later than I want then he gets upset when I dont want to 'help' get them to bed. we tried reading some books on this (I 2 3 magic ) didnt really work nay good suggestions for ways people deal with this?
thanks
also not bashing him his a great dad and I get it but still

jewishmom6

Fri, Jul 05 2019, 10:34 am

ooh I know how hard that can be. I dont have suggestions but I feel for you.

I dont let my dh come home until after the kids are in bed.

On the days that he is home its so much more shlepy and annoying...

amother

Hotpink

Fri, Jul 05 2019, 10:36 am

jewishmom6 wrote:

You don't let your dh come home??? What on Earth?

mha3484

Fri, Jul 05 2019, 10:41 am

I stagger bedtimes so usually the kids who have not had their turn get to spend time with DH while I am getting the others in bed. The rule is after a certain time, no wild toys or games. Books, playing magna tiles or trucks are fine. But nothing that makes them too wild.

jewishmom6

Fri, Jul 05 2019, 10:45 am

amother [ Hotpink ] wrote:

You don't let your dh come home??? What on Earth?

lol I guess it sounds bad. He knows that bed time goes better without him and he rather kids be sleeping when he comes home for dinner.

He has plenty to do out of the house at that time and I just let him know when to come home. It works for both of us:)

But its different here because he watches the kids until I get home from work.

ra_mom

Fri, Jul 05 2019, 10:55 am

What time does your dh come home, OP?

amother

Mauve

Fri, Jul 05 2019, 11:22 am

OP, it's understandable that DH wants to play with the kids every day and it's unfair of you to deny this of him. However, explain to DH that wild play makes it take longer for them to settle down at night and he should play a calm game or toy with them.

sarahiam

Fri, Jul 05 2019, 11:24 am

ra_mom wrote:

What time does your dh come home, OP?

thanks all. he was coming home right at bedtime maybe seven fifteen ish for seven thirty bedtime, now he tries hard to leave early and get there by six thirty or six forty five so he thinks he solved it but it still takes long for the kids to re unwind and the extra few min even though he tried doesnt really help me. without trying to sound too much like ungrateful wife, get that he thought it would help and now would not be an issue but it sort of compounded the disagreement and made him feel like in his words nothings good enough

sarahiam

Fri, Jul 05 2019, 11:27 am

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

I get that. its not entirely his fault but they like to play wild with him and in other times (shabbos afternoon sunday etc) I think its great and cute and encourage that like so they come to expct it and theyre the ones who get super excited. basically I want him to change his parenting style for during the week lol

ra_mom

Fri, Jul 05 2019, 11:57 am

He should really be spending time with them in the morning. Would he agree to that? Nighttime is for discussing the day and reading bedtime stories.

sarahiam

Fri, Jul 05 2019, 12:00 pm

he tries but usually leaves by six am

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