Bar mitzvah and wedding gifts

EPL

Sun, Jul 07 2019, 7:05 pm

What is an appropriate amount to give for a wedding gift to someone who is not a family member or a close friend, but someone who you know from Shul?
Same question for a bar-mitzvah gift for someone from your Shul who invites you ? The wedding is in a nice hall, the bar-mitzvah is a shabbos kiddush, and then a party in a nice, smaller venue.

amother

Bisque

Sun, Jul 07 2019, 7:23 pm

It's different for different communities. In my community, no wedding gifts are expected, and very few give. Everyone gives BM gifts usually $75 to $125. It doesn't matter the venue. Poorer boys are not given lesser gifts.

EPL

Sun, Jul 07 2019, 7:54 pm

To Bisque, "No wedding gifts?" . Is this a Chasidish community? Because I thought it's a given that people give wedding gifts.

Ruchel

Mon, Jul 08 2019, 8:43 am

I give more to wedding than bm for sure. For bm it's often 18 or 36 or a gift equivalent. Wedding is more people since it's a couple and adults. The venue bh doesn't have a tie to what I give

dankbar

Mon, Jul 08 2019, 9:34 am

I sometimes give a challah board for bar mitzva boy.

I stock up on cheap gifts & give by engagement party if I feel close or want to show appreciation to a family.

They dont have to know amount I spent.
Whatever I find for good price.
I've given wall mirrors, centerpieces, pitchers, glasses, dip holders, vases, cookbooks, kitchen gadgets for girl. If I know chosson Ive given shot glasses, challah board, challah cover, wine decanters etc.

Usually its only for family & friends, or people that helped us not just for random people

33055

Mon, Jul 08 2019, 9:53 am

dankbar wrote:

Dankbar,

I do the same. I buy presents before I have occasions; although, I try to match up the present with a person. I also do my own set ups. I can't see spending $35 for someone to wrap the box, glue the gift to the box, wrap in cellophane and put 2 bows on the corners.

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Jul 08 2019, 9:54 am

We usually give $125 for bar mitzvah, more for a wedding. Sometimes more or less, depending on the situation. (NYC suburbs).

SixOfWands

Mon, Jul 08 2019, 10:03 am

dankbar wrote:

Do bar mitzvah boys actually use challah boards?

33055

Mon, Jul 08 2019, 10:05 am

SixOfWands wrote:

Do bar mitzvah boys actually use challah boards?

Since I give this also to families that use challah boards. I can tell you they love it. In some families the father doesn't use them.

33055

Mon, Jul 08 2019, 10:30 am

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

I've never been to a house where there is more than one challah board on the table. Do I need to get out more?

Have you ever been to a house with no challah boards are on the table?

dankbar

Mon, Jul 08 2019, 10:42 am

Squishy wrote:

I set it up myself too.
Very smart you stock up before.
When you are running to simcha & need the gift, you need the time to actually go out & find the perfect gift & you end up spending much more, because time is of essence.

This way when I find nice stuff by amazing savings, or bargain stores or when stores are running sales, you can find beautiful stuff for so cheap.

Just got by Eastside china on sale, a gold leaf platter dish for $15. Will see who will be the lucky recepient

dankbar

Mon, Jul 08 2019, 10:45 am

SixOfWands wrote:

Do bar mitzvah boys actually use challah boards?

I buy small ones. They are so excited to it. Their mom then bakes little challah rolls just for them to cut up & make lechem mishnah on their own. They feel like grown men.

SixOfWands

Mon, Jul 08 2019, 11:49 am

Squishy wrote:

Have you ever been to a house with no challah boards are on the table?

Probably. I never really think about it.

But I've never been to a home with more than one challah board or tray on the table. Or at least not that I can think of. One person makes motzei, cuts the challah, then its passed around.

I'm not criticizing. I'm genuinely curious. A challah board would be the last thing in any of my kids' contemplation. And its the kind of thing that most people only have one of -- I have one I love, hand made by some artisan at some point early in my marriage, and I doubt I'll ever need or want another.

Its interesting to hear otherwise.

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Jul 08 2019, 12:10 pm

I have been to homes with more than one challah board. There is one for each adult man, and each family makes hamozti separately. With extended family present, there might be three or four at the (large) table.

dankbar

Mon, Jul 08 2019, 12:27 pm

Besides for giving guests small challah/ rolls to cut up on sep board/challah cover, Ive seen each bochur have their own set, tray/cover even if there was a lineup of bochurim/children of host

kenz

Mon, Jul 08 2019, 2:11 pm

I remember my brothers didn’t really love getting things typically used by married men, like besamim holders and the like. It wasn’t really a gift for them and by the time they got married it was just something sitting in my parents’ breakfront, no one actually took them. The one that really confused us was a Yad for leining. We don’t carry on Shabbos so even if they were the types to lein - which they are not- it still wouldn’t have gotten used.
Bechers, on the other hand, were always used and I believe taken with them when they got married.