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So sad about psak I just got. Pls offer chizuk
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Jul 08 2019, 8:01 pm
Im 18 weeks and dont know what im having but I was really hoping for a boy and I wanted to give a family name very badly. The grandfather we wanted to name after has 3 names. One of which interferes with an alive grandparent. The shaila we asked was, should we still give the name even if we can only give 2/3 names. We were told only to give the name if we are going to call him by the name that this grandfather was called. Out of the 2 names left is 1 biblical very basic name and one unique Hungarian name. He was called the latter. I really cant see myself calling my child by that name. I feel like it would have made so many people happy to give and now im just sad about it and hoping for (another) girl Crying
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amother




Forestgreen


Post  Mon, Jul 08 2019, 8:04 pm
May you never have a problem bigger than this one! Very Happy

This is all 'min Hashamayim' and this child, no matter what it is, and what you call it, should always be healthy, happy and give you loads of nachas!
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amother




Cerise


Post  Mon, Jul 08 2019, 8:06 pm
I hear you. It’s a struggle! Throughout my whole pregnancy I knew which name we were gonna give and I didn’t like it at all. Towards the end it hit me that I can call him by the second name which has a cute version even tho my grandfather who I loved dearly wasn’t called that. It took a tremendous burden off my shoulder. And I still feel I named him after my grandfather. Also I found that once I actually had the baby I was more at peace with the whole name business. I’m not sure what your other options are but it will fall into place hopefully
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amother




Seafoam


Post  Mon, Jul 08 2019, 8:11 pm
A name is a big deal. I can hear that you are upset about this psak. It may help to keep in mind that every detail of this baby is bashert, including his or her name. Hashem has a plan...
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amother




Oak


Post  Mon, Jul 08 2019, 8:16 pm
Did you tell the Rav the name that this grandfather was called? I don't think it's common to hear rabbonim suggestion very unusual names for children.
Also, are you sure you heard everything correctly?
When I asked my Rav about a name, he told me that my idea of adding a Hebrew name to the Yiddish names is a beautiful idea; he never told me I should do just the Yiddish name or even call the baby by just a specific name.
Furthermore, why would a Rav suggest a Hungarian name be used over a Hebrew name?
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PinkFridge




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jul 08 2019, 8:17 pm
I was going to say, what does the ethnic Hungarian name mean, is there a Hebrew equivalent.
You could go there. Or you could accept that it's not always possible to name after who we'd like. We have a lot of overlapping our family too.
I think this is a legitimate disappointment, and if you're hormonal, that only adds to the fun.

Here's a thought: Remember that your grandfather is in the olam ha'emes. What will give him the greatest nachas is that he'll have a descendant walking in his ways, be"H. That should really feel you with joy. Seriously. Let it wash over you and revel in it, and may everything go well, b'shaa tova.
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amother




Saddlebrown


Post  Mon, Jul 08 2019, 8:19 pm
amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote:
May you never have a problem bigger than this one! Very Happy

This is all 'min Hashamayim' and this child, no matter what it is, and what you call it, should always be healthy, happy and give you loads of nachas!

Good job minimizing a very legitimate concern.
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amother




Forestgreen


Post  Mon, Jul 08 2019, 8:22 pm
amother [ Saddlebrown ] wrote:
Good job minimizing a very legitimate concern.


Actually, I was giving her a genuine bracha from the bottom of my heart. But good job being dlz
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amother




Coral


Post  Mon, Jul 08 2019, 8:37 pm
Are you sure he said it as a psak? Most rabbanim I know would never tell something like this as a psak. Just as opinion or advice. Also if he didn't have all the info, then its not valid.

Maybe he was meaning if the omitted name is what he was called or the like don't use his name now and wait until it will be fully used one day after 120 of the other grandparent so the name remains intact. That would be advice, not a psak.
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amother




Seagreen


Post  Mon, Jul 08 2019, 8:43 pm
I really think you should clarify this with you Rav since I think you must have totally misunderstood.

You are allowed to call your baby whatever you want, no one gives psaks telling you you can't! (Unless where there's a halacha or minhag involved, but doesn't sound that's the case here.)

Likely he thought you were asking if you SHOULD, as in is it still considered as naming after that person. Which it might not be since you're missing out a name (I was told that as well, but I was asking because I didn't want to name it), but if it has sentimental value for you, then you certainly CAN. Sounds he was saying you don't need to, not that you're not allowed to!

Please clarify with him.
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Jul 08 2019, 8:53 pm
The rav was saying - if I leave out a name and I dont call the baby by his namesake, I shouldn't bother giving it. Then he added unless it would be kibbud aim etc...if I was going to give a name without any history behind or any zchusim from the name sake I may ask well pick a name out of a hat...
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amother




Salmon


Post  Mon, Jul 08 2019, 9:02 pm
amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote:
Actually, I was giving her a genuine bracha from the bottom of my heart. But good job being dlz


I'm 18 weeks too and I would love this Bracha.

And I don't think about names during pregnancy. I have bigger worries.

OP, don't agonize over this for 5 months. Hashem will give you ruach hakodesh after the baby is born and beH your child will have a beautiful and perfect name and - as forestgreen said- lots of nachas.
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amother




Goldenrod


Post  Mon, Jul 08 2019, 9:02 pm
wonder how that works with people who were called by their english name should you call the child by an english name also?
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amother




Seagreen


Post  Mon, Jul 08 2019, 9:04 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
The rav was saying - if I leave out a name and I dont call the baby by his namesake, I shouldn't bother giving it. Then he added unless it would be kibbud aim etc...if I was going to give a name without any history behind or any zchusim from the name sake I may ask well pick a name out of a hat...


That makes a lot of sense, because you aren't using the real name. BUT it isn't a psak. If this name has meaning to you, go ahead and name it. You don't NEED to name properly after someone.
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singleagain




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jul 08 2019, 10:59 pm
Even if it's a boy.. must you use this name? Can't you pick something else entirely? Is there opportunity for someone else to use the entire name in full?
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Jul 08 2019, 11:10 pm
Were the youngest of a small family and there likely won't be a lot of children born this generation after this. I thought it would make some people very happy to give this name and the biblical name was a nice one so I was good with that. Just hard when u get fixated on an idea and then it goes out the window...
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amother




Copper


Post  Mon, Jul 08 2019, 11:13 pm
Beshaa tovah.
You didn't get a psak because this wasn't a halachic question. There are no halachos about naming a baby.
The Rav told you what he thinks makes sense under the circumstances. He did his best, but he was just weighing in with an opinion.
Do what makes sense for you and your family.
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familyfirst




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jul 08 2019, 11:16 pm
Best to call the rav and explain that you will be making a lot of people happy by giving this name
Not sure how you can go wrong with that?
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Jul 08 2019, 11:24 pm
familyfirst wrote:
Best to call the rav and explain that you will be making a lot of people happy by giving this name
Not sure how you can go wrong with that?


He said I can do it for kibbud aim. But the name of the baby isnt named for his grandfather. Hes saying im choosing a name I like and pretending its for the grandfather. I don't need to do that. I rather choose a name from the Torah that has a meaning I like etc...
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jmom1




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jul 08 2019, 11:28 pm
Not sure how this qualifies as a “psak” when it’s not a halachic issue

If the rav feels that by not giving the full name it’s like picking a name out of a hat - then go ahead and pick this one out! If it makes you happy and others as well plus it has meaning to you...

Your child, you get to name him.
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