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So sad about psak I just got. Pls offer chizuk UPDATE
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gamzehyaavor




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Jul 09 2019, 11:06 am
ShishKabob wrote:
I hear you. The truth is that we are usually set with a name way before the baby is born. I personally like it better. Like that all of the back and forth is settled and doesn't have to be dealt with in addition to all those out of whack hormones.

That’s ok. But to ask a shayla pre birth I think is pretty unusual.
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amother




Orchid
 

Post  Tue, Jul 09 2019, 11:23 am
When my last son was born my husband really wanted to give a name after his grandfather that passed away 20+ years ago. His name was on the birth certificate already, and the morning of his bris he decided to name the new baby after my grandfather who had passed away the year before. ( I told him to decide, We already had a few kids named after my side of the family..)
Well I’m now pregnant. Again with another boy and we will name him after that grandfather iyh..
Basically everything is bashert. ! The entire pregnancy we were sure he would be named xyz after the grandfather..
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miami85




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Jul 09 2019, 2:07 pm
There's definitely different opinions on this, but we had a name shaila that would possibly interfere with my own husband's name, and the psak we were given was because my husband has 2 names, didn't use the name in question, and we were only giving one name, they are considered different names. We were told "different names are different names"

I have a nephew that wanted to name after my father, but one of the names is of an alive great-grandparent, they just gave 1 name.

That said it might be k'dai to wait on the one grandparent's name and that way someday the name can be used for both. I have a niece who didn't want to name after a great-grandparent b/c one name was because of her father-in-law's name--had several names, but might be too close for comfort.
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gamanit




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Jul 09 2019, 3:22 pm
gamzehyaavor wrote:
That’s ok. But to ask a shayla pre birth I think is pretty unusual.


Yes, especially the asking of a shaila when OP doesn't even know whether she's having a girl or a boy yet.
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gold21




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Jul 09 2019, 3:45 pm
gamanit wrote:
Yes, especially the asking of a shaila when OP doesn't even know whether she's having a girl or a boy yet.


I agree.

Not only is the baby still unborn, you don't know its gender. So why sweat it at this point.

And... It's just a name really. Name the child whatever name makes sense & makes you happy.
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Laiya




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Jul 09 2019, 3:52 pm
ShishKabob wrote:
OP, relax. I totally understand the part of being upset when you were so set on something. The posters here can't relate really, because you are probably chassidish, hungarian and they are not. They can't even fathom what the issue is here.

You got a psak on a minhag and yes it's a psak nontheless.

Take the time to be sad about it and then take the time to accept upon yourself the ratzon Hashem. If Hashem wills it different then it has to be different.

May you have an easy birth and a healthy child and menuchas hanefesh.
Bhatzlocha


By definition, a psak is a halachik ruling.
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shanie5




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Jul 10 2019, 10:12 pm
I didn't read the whole thread, but want to put this idea out there.

I know a couple who wanted to give a name that was the mothers father, but the fathers father had the name too. Think moms dad was yankel shmuel, and the dads father was shmuel. They asked a shailah on using the full name. They were told "If the living parent is ok with it, you can use it".

They asked dads father if he would be ok with them using his name. His response was "as long as you don't call him that while I am alive". So they named the boy yankle shmuel, and called him yankel. When the dads father passed away, the boy then started using both names.
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agreer




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jul 11 2019, 1:19 am
I'm confused by the grandfather's Hungarian name... How is that a Hebrew name? Why is that even a question?

Using Ruchel's example of "David Shmuel Sandor"... If Sandor is the Hungarian name... well, that's not really how we name. The name to be used is "David Shmuel".

If my grandma's name is Shira Elizabeth Smith (made up), obviously her Hebrew name is Shira and her English name is Elizabeth and I would name my child "Shira".
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jul 11 2019, 2:20 pm
agreer wrote:
I'm confused by the grandfather's Hungarian name... How is that a Hebrew name? Why is that even a question?

Using Ruchel's example of "David Shmuel Sandor"... If Sandor is the Hungarian name... well, that's not really how we name. The name to be used is "David Shmuel".

If my grandma's name is Shira Elizabeth Smith (made up), obviously her Hebrew name is Shira and her English name is Elizabeth and I would name my child "Shira".

What do you mean? Plenty of people use ethnic and English names.
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agreer




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jul 11 2019, 4:44 pm
Ema of 4 wrote:
What do you mean? Plenty of people use ethnic and English names.


Yes, they use the names, but they don't name them at the bris.

Continued example...If Grandpa's name was David Shalom Sandor, with Sandor being the Hungarian/ethnic name, then at the Bris you'd give the name David Shalom and then call him Sandor whenever you were in the mood... That was my question.

I don't understand how the Hungarian name is a name she would give at the bris.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jul 11 2019, 6:22 pm
agreer wrote:
Yes, they use the names, but they don't name them at the bris.

Continued example...If Grandpa's name was David Shalom Sandor, with Sandor being the Hungarian/ethnic name, then at the Bris you'd give the name David Shalom and then call him Sandor whenever you were in the mood... That was my question.

I don't understand how the Hungarian name is a name she would give at the bris.

So let’s say someone’s name is just sendor (or Sandro, or however you spell it- the name that often goes with Alexander) Of course that’s the name he gets at his bris, it’s his only name. Not everyone has a Hebrew name.
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iluvdovi




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Aug 13 2019, 1:53 pm
I'm just happy someone is as OCD about names as I am LOL

If you don't know what you're having maybe finding out would help you, you dont need to obsess over boys names if its a girl!

Wishing you much Hatzlocha!
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thanks




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Aug 13 2019, 2:04 pm
amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:
A name is a big deal. I can hear that you are upset about this psak. It may help to keep in mind that every detail of this baby is bashert, including his or her name. Hashem has a plan...

It's only a big deal if you or your family makes it one. Not everyone does.
I told my kids, whatever name they give their children, they still carry the legacy of their grandparents before them, and I will love them. They have my full blessing naming their child whatever they want.
Giving a name to make people happy... interesting. So many people do this. They mean well, but is that what it's all about? Causes so much anxiety and strife in families. Is that really what Hashem wants?
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thanks




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Aug 13 2019, 2:53 pm
Delete
Mistake
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amother




Pearl
 

Post  Tue, Aug 13 2019, 3:55 pm
I didnt read all replies so sorry if im just repeating others
I had similar issue. My father was called something common, that a living grandfather had same name. I wasnt even going to ask re naming my son my fathers other name, because its my father and I felt I had to and I wanted to. But I do know that people have gotten psak to name, even if will be called something different from the person, if it means a lot to that grandfathers relative (ie, your mother). Maybe you can ask again, saying it wld mean the world to my mom if I name after this grandfather and call him by a different name
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nchr




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Aug 13 2019, 4:01 pm
I don't know which crowd you're in, but you could ask if you could give the full name, as there are opinions that hold that the name Yaakov Yosef is one name (versus two) and I personally know of more than one family (Chassidish) with sons with names like Yitzchok Yehuda and Yehuda Aryeh or Chaim Yosef and Elyakim Chaim. I'm not sure if you'd go for it (or even if I would), but if you and the other relative would be okay, it's worth going back and asking.

Anyways, if it is important for you to give the name, follow the psak. You may end up falling in love with the nickname even if it wasn't what you originally had in mind. I always find it odd when someone names after a Nechamia Avraham who was called Avrumy and then they go and call their child Nechemia. I mean, it's there choice, but halachically speaking, your name is what you are called so the nickname has a stronger remembrance than the full name.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Aug 14 2019, 3:46 pm
iluvdovi wrote:
I'm just happy someone is as OCD about names as I am LOL

If you don't know what you're having maybe finding out would help you, you dont need to obsess over boys names if its a girl!

Wishing you much Hatzlocha!


Found out at anatomy scan.... its a boy. DH and I have had countless discussions about names at this point. Everytime I think I made up my mind, I change it ...
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amother




Linen
 

Post  Sun, Sep 01 2019, 1:52 pm
We asked a rav the same question.
We wanted to name our son after my father who had 2 names but one name we would not be able to use. Should we name him only one name? Would that be considered naming after the person? Happens to be that my father was makpid in calling a person by their full name if they were named after someone. The rav told us to still go ahead and use the one name we were able to use and when the child gets older explain that he was named after his zaidy. That’s what we did and even though we didn’t use the full name we still consider it to be that he is named after my father.
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amother




Smokey
 

Post  Sun, Sep 01 2019, 6:08 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Im 18 weeks and dont know what im having but I was really hoping for a boy and I wanted to give a family name very badly. The grandfather we wanted to name after has 3 names. One of which interferes with an alive grandparent. The shaila we asked was, should we still give the name even if we can only give 2/3 names. We were told only to give the name if we are going to call him by the name that this grandfather was called. Out of the 2 names left is 1 biblical very basic name and one unique Hungarian name. He was called the latter. I really cant see myself calling my child by that name. I feel like it would have made so many people happy to give and now im just sad about it and hoping for (another) girl Crying


I agree, may it be your biggest problem in life
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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Feb 27 2020, 12:52 pm
We had a boy bh 3 months ago. Dh spoke to a rebbi (not the rav who gave the psak) and told him the problem. We gave the 2 names but we dont call him by the unique name. We just call him a regular (beautiful) biblical name.
I hope we still made some people happy but noone will be honest straight to our faces. The rebbi told my husband to give the for kibbud aim and not worry about if the child will or will not have the merit of his grandfather etc...
Now im dreading the next girl I have as dh just lost a grandmother with a AWFUL name. Help!! LOL LOL
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