"May you never have a problem greater than this one."

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Is it a genuine blessing?

No, it's a condescending remak

47%

[ 10 ]

Yes

52%

[ 11 ]

Total Votes : 21

amother

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 11:58 am

Is it ever genuinely intended as a blessing? wondering

[poll was deleted and redone because there was a bug. Please vote again. -Yael]

Chayalle

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 11:59 am

I think it's intended as awareness. People have worse problems! Sometimes it puts things into perspective for us.

amother

Vermilion

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 12:01 pm

Chayalle wrote:

I think it's intended as awareness. People have worse problems! Sometimes it puts things into perspective for us.

Yes, I think that is often the intention. But as the complainer, I would feel like this is belittling my concerns, however small they may be.

amother

Lilac

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 12:02 pm

Depends on the issue. Depends on the tone. But mostly, I agree with chayalle. As long as the tone is not smug or condescending or about eliciting pity for the person making the statement!

MommyM

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 12:02 pm

I think a lot depends on the context and how it's being said and/or the relationship between who it's being said to.

yerushamama

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 12:06 pm

When I say such a thing, I mean it as a bracha, and make sure that that is clear by my tone, context etc. I would be very hesitant to put that into a post because of that.

DrMom

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 12:07 pm

Does your poll have 2 identical choices on purpose?

ShishKabob

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 12:12 pm

I think it's a genuine bracha although it should be precluded with some sort of sympathetic comment to the complainer.

groovy1224

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 12:16 pm

No, it's never intended as an actual blessing, sorry. It's a condescending remark disguised as righteousness. I never say it to people. If I think their complaint is frivolous, I either say so, or keep my mouth shut (sometimes people just want to vent about their stupid problems and aren't looking for input).

I think "May this be your worst problem" is passive aggressive. If you think your friend/relative is being whiny, either say so or don't. Don't go halfway and cower behind a bracha.

chestnut

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 12:22 pm

If the poster means it as a brocha, I think it's a wonderful one

amother

Lilac

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 12:26 pm

You can be well meaning and still upset the recipient.
For example, as an older single, the im yirtza thing grated terribly on me. I know I was far from the only one! Yet many people I knew stubbornly insisted on saying it anyway, thinking that if they prefaced it by saying, I know you don't want to hear this, or, I'm only saying this because I mean it, I should be grateful for their "bracha". Honestly those were the most annoying of all. They were making it ALL about themselves.

amother

Peach

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 12:29 pm

Very much depends on tone and context, and I think people should be aware of this and make clear their intentions. For example, if someone posts here regarding something that is clearly bothering her: validate, sympathize, give ideas if she's asking for them, and only then end with this bracha.

amother

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 12:44 pm

It kind of implies that you want them to have more problems of the same magnitude.

amother

cornflower

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 12:51 pm

amother [ Lilac ] wrote:

Thanks for bringing this up. A big rebetzin and expert in LH halachot said we should be careful with this. She told us of an older single who stopped going to smachot because of this "im yirtza" which caused her pain.
Right from the beginning in our marriage I told DH to stop wishing this im yirtza and replace it with "she hashem yemale et kol mishalot bilenu le tova" which is IMO better.

Genius

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 1:00 pm

I feel like it's never a bracha. Nobody appreciates being told be happy with your problems others have it worse than you. I have a baby with down syndrome, who is otherwise perfectly healthy b"h and very cute. I can't stand when ppl tell me "be glad she is healthy... you know how many of these kids have heart problems?" Yes I do. Thank you very much. It is still ok for me to feel sad for as long as I like. I do not think these comments are ever positive.
PS I am usually not sad, and my daughter is a total cutie, but its annoying to get that answer when I complain

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 1:19 pm

I never hear this spoken in a serious way about serious problems. I hear people make such comments in a jovial way when the "complainer" is worried about something that is not so terrible, not unlike a Jewish #firstworldproblems, and knows it

For example, "I have been debating whether or not to get the moon roof option and heated seats for the new car."
Response: "This should be the worst of your problems. Either way, enjoy it in good health."

It means, "Thank G-d, life is good."

amother

Lilac

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 1:20 pm

Good point, cm. At least, that is what it should be reserved for.

amother

Plum

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 1:22 pm

This was the entire original post. And the poster, further down explained that it was completely a bracha, when someone commented.

"May you never have a problem bigger than this one! Very Happy

This is all 'min Hashamayim' and this child, no matter what it is, and what you call it, should always be healthy, happy and give you loads of nachas!"

groovy1224

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 1:30 pm

amother [ Plum ] wrote:

This was the entire original post. And the poster, further down explained that it was completely a bracha, when someone commented.

"May you never have a problem bigger than this one! Very Happy

This is all 'min Hashamayim' and this child, no matter what it is, and what you call it, should always be healthy, happy and give you loads of nachas!"

Please. A real bracha doesn't have an insult attached to it.

She could have just said the second sentence, the first one added nothing except communicate that she felt OP's problem was stupid.

Ravenclaw

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 1:32 pm

Chayalle wrote:

I think it's intended as awareness. People have worse problems! Sometimes it puts things into perspective for us.

I hate this. The fact that others are in pain in no way lessens the severity of another’s own pain.

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