"May you never have a problem greater than this one."

amother

Plum

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 1:33 pm

On a normal Jewish forum, with regular moms, this is the sweetest blessing you can give.

However, I've noticed the divisivness of some commentors on many forums and now, such a comment would be seen either way. Thats just sad. Thats another "hug button" issue where sweet people use it as a hug but others have less noble intentions.

Our world is not made up of only sweet, kind people, sadly...

So, either way, I say lets interpret it as a beautiful blessing. Cuz, why not?

BadTichelDay

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 2:58 pm

Dh and I actually say it quite often to each other, usually for calming down the situation if one of us or one of the children broke lost or damaged something.
Example: Dh accidentally smashes our new glass salad bowl. I say "oh well, may this be our worst problem". Or I lose the keys (again), and he says it. Or dc loses control of his bladder in the middle of the salon and whoever cleans up the mess says it. We use it instead of yelling and it reminds us that there are far worse problems in the world than minor household damages. It keeps things in perspective.
Though I realize that some people will use it in a condescending way.

Last edited by BadTichelDay on Tue, Jul 09 2019, 3:00 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Lilac

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 2:59 pm

It's different when you say it to/about your own struggle.
Then it is a good reminder to keep things in perspective, I agree 100%

amother

Pearl

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 3:06 pm

I do think that people often mean it in a positive sense, but I would only say it to someone, with whom I am very close, who knows that I genuinely wish them well. I would also never use it in a way that tries to minimize someone else’s pain. I do however say it frequently to/about myself - as in ending a rant with “Well, this should be my worst problem. . .” It actually reminds me to keep things in perspective.

amother

Tan

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 3:58 pm

It’s intended as constructive criticism to people who tend to complain or over react to small or petty problems and make a big deal out of something that isn’t.

pizzapie

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 4:28 pm

I think it comes out wrong when put in writing.

I have said it and have had it said to me when complaining about something trivial. I agree with the posters upthread that it helps put things in perspective. Obviously, the relationship to the person and tone is everything.

giselle

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 4:37 pm

Just because I have first world problems doesn’t mean they’re my worst problems. Without going into identifying details, my friend told me she was in a store where two women were discussing the intricate details and decisions over a trivial item, while she was dealing with serious issues. After discussing it though, we both came to the conclusion that it didn’t mean these women weren’t going through even more difficult struggles. Maybe they needed to focus on this so they could feel normal. Maybe it was a distraction. Who knows. I feel good focusing on stupidities. It takes my mind off of the real problems.

Zehava

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 4:50 pm

Just no. You never know what else that person is going through. You never know how much this will hurt them. Pain is pain. Empathize don’t patronize.

allthingsblue

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 4:52 pm

In our entitled generation, I think it is a criticism that is sometimes warranted.
If someone said that to me, I hope I'd take pause and be less dramatic or even stop focusing on the relatively small issue.

amother

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 5:57 pm

allthingsblue wrote:

So you consider it criticism, but you consider it polite and decent to criticize someone in response to hearing that they have a problem.

egam

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 6:05 pm

BadTichelDay wrote:

Saying it to yourself is completely different when someone says it to you when you are distressed about something.

chestnut

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 6:16 pm

amother [ Lilac ] wrote:

You can be well meaning and still upset the recipient.
For example, as an older single, the im yirtza thing grated terribly on me. I know I was far from the only one! Yet many people I knew stubbornly insisted on saying it anyway, thinking that if they prefaced it by saying, I know you don't want to hear this, or, I'm only saying this because I mean it, I should be grateful for their "bracha". Honestly those were the most annoying of all. They were making it ALL about themselves.

Um, aren't we talking about "may it be your worse problem" phrase?

amother

Lilac

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 8:21 pm

Chestnut I was trying to explain to a previous poster that just because the sayer has good intentions by saying a platitude doesn't mean the recipient cares to hear it. I was giving an example to explain why.
Now, just why did you feel the need to nitpick when it is totally off topic currently in this thread? Are you trying to point something out or just to make me feel dumb?

BatyaEsther

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 9:04 pm

I am clearly not cynical enough.
I have never taken it as anything other than a bracha, and I answer Amen when someone says that to me.
I also have never said it to anyone meaning anything other than a bracha. I hate to think that I may have hurt someone's feelings when meaning to do the opposite.
Shmirat Halashon is so much more than just Lashon Hara.

amother

Lilac

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 9:12 pm

I don't think it's being cynical. I think it's being sensitive and feeling vulnerable and when you are in that state it is easy for things to hurt.

singleagain

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 11:10 pm

Ravenclaw wrote:

I hate this. The fact that others are in pain in no way lessens the severity of another’s own pain.

This a million times.

Ppl drown in seven feet of water the same way the drown in twenty.

If I'm afraid of going into a baby pool, reminding me that ppl drown in big pools didn't change the fact that you can also drown in a bathtub!

In fact... Most of the time, it just increases the fear/upset feeling bc now, I'm also worried about the worse. (Especially, in ppl with a tendency towards anxiety)

I mean... Think about it like "oh, I'm so sorry you have cold.. But you know some ppl get the flu" great.. It doesn't cure my cold to be reminded of that

debsey

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 11:18 pm

I think of it as passive aggressive mussar and don't like it at all.
I'll give an example - I once splurged on a very expensive dress and before I got to wear it, the lace tore. I went back to the store and couldn't get a refund. I was telling a relative about it and I got that comment.

I happen to have MANY problems that are way bigger than that one, but sometimes a small, annoying problem makes all the big ones seem worse. Hearing that comment just made me feel so dismissed and invalidated.

yerushamama

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 11:58 pm

I really don't understand how this phrase, by itself, gives over the message that "other people have REAL problems". It's like when I give a pregnant woman, who knows that my labors were all B"H straightforward and relatively easy "may your labor be easier than my easiest labor". I'm not trying to remind you how hard it can be - just the opposite! It is a genuine bracha that you have things easy!

If it is said in a sarcastic or condescending tone, it is obviously not meant as a bracha, but that is the case for any bracha.