"May you never have a problem greater than this one."

yerushamama

Wed, Jul 10 2019, 8:30 am

singleagain wrote:

Dress A was given to be my my mom and she likes to see me in the stuff she buys me, but dress B is more my color and flatters me better. Do I make my mom happy or pick myself for a change? All of this is preceded by a complicated mother daughter relationship and a person struggling with standing up for herself.

If I don't include certain pictures of certain ppl in my album they will be insulted and bring it up for the next twenty years how I left them out. Everything has to be tit for tat with them and any perceived insult becomes a big deal.

If I skip either simcha I insult someone and they both really want me there. I've known this one since childhood but that's a family member. I can't do both logistically and I really love both these people. But also I'm a people pleaser and don't like hurting anyone's feelings.

You never know what is going on in someone else's mind. Don't judge them.

I'm not saying you have to be completely understanding or make up scenarios like I did. But at least they to sympathize "that sounds difficult for you" instead of dismissive "may you never know real problems"

I never say it as a stand alone remark - only as a conclusion to a discussion in which I try to help the person with the issue at hand. Once a solution is found, it is a supportive, not dismissive comment. Also, the quote wasn't "may you never know real problems" , but rather "May you never have a problem greater than this" - a completely different comment with an altogether different connotation. "May you never know real problems" sounds dismissive and insulting to me as well, and I would never say it to anyone!

singleagain

Wed, Jul 10 2019, 8:56 am

yerushamama wrote:

Sorry for getting it mixed up. Early morning. And if you have a whole discuss where your get a peek into the other person's thought process it might not be so bad if you have a good relationship.

I think tone and context is a lot in how a person takes this... And if they've always had previously negative feelings when this was said, it might not be appreciated, even if it is meant well.