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If you made a bris and you had a lot of OOT family
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Jul 15 2019, 12:21 pm
Im looking for stories. The good the bad and the ugly. How oh how do women handle a ton of out of town family coming in for a bris and having to "host". Im expecting this to be particularlly hard for me because im an introvert and all of DH family are party animals and don't miss a simcha for anything in the world. Its mean to expect them to drive 3 hours or more and send them back after the bris however I dont see myself being able to be very patient when having just gave birth...
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allthingsblue




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jul 15 2019, 12:22 pm
I don't host. They can come or choose not to come, I won't be offended.
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amother




Apricot


Post  Mon, Jul 15 2019, 12:26 pm
We made a simchat bat and had a lot of family and I made it very very clear to everyone in advance that no one could stay with us. We did help family find accommodations and we hosted dinner at our place ( that my husband and mother and mother in law made).
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Jul 15 2019, 12:27 pm
allthingsblue wrote:
I don't host. They can come or choose not to come, I won't be offended.


Of course they are coming thou I wish they wouldn't. They just dont know when to leave..
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amother




Seafoam


Post  Mon, Jul 15 2019, 12:28 pm
You'll have to get dh on board with a firm policy of not having anyone over at your home.
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amother




Slateblue


Post  Mon, Jul 15 2019, 12:37 pm
Agree with the above. Absolutely do not host anyone in your home. If they come to visit during the day you should feel zero pressure. If you’re up to it say hello & chat a bit, if not hang out in your bedroom. Your husband can spend time with them if u don’t need his help, & if you have the means he can buy ready food /or refreshments, but nothing extra should be on your head a week after birth!
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nicole81




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jul 15 2019, 12:42 pm
Are you asking about right after the bris? I'm a little confused. We made a bris at our shul and people could hang out there and eat/talk/shoot the shite as long as they wanted, but I left with the baby when I was ready. What exactly are you foreseeing will happen?
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groovy1224




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jul 15 2019, 12:48 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Of course they are coming thou I wish they wouldn't. They just dont know when to leave..


Probably when the custodian comes out and is clearing up the tables and chairs, they'll catch on.

Seriously though, I've never heard of putting people up to attend a bris (maybe maybe a very close elderly relative or something that couldn't handle a full day of travel). If they want to make the drive so as not to miss the simcha, great!
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amother




Lemon


Post  Mon, Jul 15 2019, 1:16 pm
You make the bris at a shul or hall, and don't invite anyone back to the house. They can stay at the bris as long they want, you and the baby go back home when you've had enough.
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amother




Mustard


Post  Mon, Jul 15 2019, 1:34 pm
When my first was born, we knew that my MIL and grandparents were coming. MIL was staying with us to help, and my grandparents were going to a hotel. My dad had said something about coming in for the bris, but didn't give us any details. The bris was called for Sunday. Thursday evening, there was a knock on my door - my father. A minute later, my grandparents came in, followed by my married sister with her DH and baby, my mother, and my younger brother! Both of my parents (divorced) were assuming that they would be staying with us. I just retreated to my room with the baby, and let my DH handle everything.
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Jul 15 2019, 2:01 pm
amother [ Lemon ] wrote:
You make the bris at a shul or hall, and don't invite anyone back to the house. They can stay at the bris as long they want, you and the baby go back home when you've had enough.


I live next door to the shul
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Jul 15 2019, 2:02 pm
amother [ Mustard ] wrote:
When my first was born, we knew that my MIL and grandparents were coming. MIL was staying with us to help, and my grandparents were going to a hotel. My dad had said something about coming in for the bris, but didn't give us any details. The bris was called for Sunday. Thursday evening, there was a knock on my door - my father. A minute later, my grandparents came in, followed by my married sister with her DH and baby, my mother, and my younger brother! Both of my parents (divorced) were assuming that they would be staying with us. I just retreated to my room with the baby, and let my DH handle everything.


Omg!!! This is the hullaballoo im expecting. Party animals dont usually RSVP...
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amother




Lemon


Post  Mon, Jul 15 2019, 2:46 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I live next door to the shul


So what? You still don't have to invite them to your house. They are welcome to hang out at shul however long.
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nicole81




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jul 15 2019, 2:52 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I live next door to the shul


So when you share the bris announcement, also announce that to preserve the health and well-being of mom and new baby, you will regrettably be unable to host any visitors in the home, and instead, people are welcome to stay and socialize at the shul after the bris concludes (of course clear this with the rabbi/board/whomever.
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Jul 15 2019, 2:54 pm
amother [ Lemon ] wrote:
So what? You still don't have to invite them to your house. They are welcome to hang out at shul however long.

It seems mean. The women and kids should have to sit thru an hour davening because I wont invite them in?
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singleagain




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jul 15 2019, 3:00 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
It seems mean. The women and kids should have to sit thru an hour davening because I wont invite them in?


When I came early to a bris, I simply went to the attached room where the eating happened
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amother




Coffee


Post  Mon, Jul 15 2019, 3:07 pm
My mother is torturing me about this. Definitely following.
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keym




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jul 15 2019, 3:07 pm
I've made some brissim unattached to davening for this reason. Say bris at 10:30/11. They could daven at home before the drive or figure it out. Then, when I've had enough, I take the baby and go home.
Every one else can party till the cows come home.
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amother




Mustard


Post  Mon, Jul 15 2019, 3:08 pm
OP, is there any possibility of you staying at a neighbor's house while your DH is in shul? Alternatively (and maybe a better idea), see if there is anyone nearby who would be willing to allow their house to be "home base" for those who come early? I agree that it seems inhospitable to not allow people who are coming from far away to rest up a bit before their return trip, but you have to make sure not to overdo things - including emotionally.

(In my case, we lived overseas, so there was no option of coming in just for the bris itself. Since then, we have told everyone very firmly that once the new mommy is home - no guests for a while!)
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amother




Lemon


Post  Mon, Jul 15 2019, 3:12 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
It seems mean. The women and kids should have to sit thru an hour davening because I wont invite them in?


It's more mean to impose on a one week postpartum woman. The shul presumably has a space where the food is going to be served. People who don't want to daven can wait there. Or time accordingly (though a weekday shacharis really shouldn't take that long, even on a Torah reading day. They won't be waiting that long for the bris part to begin even if they are a little early).
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