CPS Experiences | Imamother

amother

Wine

Wed, Jul 17 2019, 11:47 pm

nchr wrote:

Many frum people I know are terrified of CPS. I cant figure out why. If you're a normal, healthy parent, there is nothing to worry about. If you're abusive and neglectful, then change. Also, plenty of legitimately abused children are still with their parents because courts prefer to not separate families and instead have parents take parenting courses, etc. CPS doesn't magically take your kids away - there is an investigation, etc. I know ppl who had CPS in their home for a few weeks because their children had injuries that mandated it and everything was a non issue.

So we have no need for the Fourth Amendment, right? You'd be totally OK with the FBI coming to your house and just going through all your stuff, for no real reason, right? After all, you're a law abiding citizen, so you should be totally OK with it and have nothing to worry about. Right?

I don't want a government agency coming into my home and nitpicking my parenting. I'm confident that I'm good parent, but all it takes is one overzealous worker at the wrong moment, with no concept of cultural sensitivity to cause trouble. What happens if CPS shows up during the Nine Days and sees your piles of unwashed laundry? Or they show up on Shabbos and get upset that you can't sign whatever thing they want you to sign? The families I know who have gotten entangled with CPS without justification didn't have their kids taken away, but no, it didn't just blow over quickly and the workers they dealt with made a lot of stress and trouble for them.

And if you really cared about abused kids, you'd be against harassing innocent families. Abused kids don't get the help they need because CPS is too busy bothering normal families.

ectomorph

Wed, Jul 17 2019, 11:52 pm

amother [ Wine ] wrote:

Excellent post.

creditcards

Thu, Jul 18 2019, 1:00 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

When DD was 2, I took her in for a well child checkup. The pediatrician noticed a lot of bruises on her arms and legs, and immediately said "Don't worry. We're trained to know what to look for, and those are normal childhood injuries. She's still getting the hang of running around and playing on equipment, right?"

He also said that a child that age with no bruises at all is sometimes worrying, because it makes him think that the child is not allowed to play at all, or get any healthy exercise. Bruises that look like a hand print, or on places that a child wouldn't injure by themselves through play, are what sets off the red flags.

Doctors and social workers also profile the parents, to see if they act evasive, dishonest, or angry with the child. They profile the child to see if the child is constantly looking to the parent to make sure they are answering the questions "properly", evading answering questions, avoiding eye contact, or otherwise trying to pretend that nothing happened.

I shy kid would act that way. Looking at parent or looking away...

creditcards

Thu, Jul 18 2019, 1:12 am

nchr wrote:

That would be the case if only decent people would be working for cps. There are some nasty people employed there who are looking to make your life miserable.
I was once in the emergency room with my daughter. I was a drop chutzpadig to a nurse and she threatened to call the "authorities" on me (CPS)
A different time I had a child that was extremely picky eater and lost some weight when she was sick. A nurse threatened to call CPS claiming that I don't feed my child. In the end they didn't call B"H but they made me write down exactly what my toddler ate every single day.

amother

Blue

Thu, Jul 18 2019, 1:21 am

nchr wrote:

They have the power to make your life miserable.

This can go on for a full year of them popping in at any time.

What planet are you living on?

amother

Goldenrod

Thu, Jul 18 2019, 7:26 am

OP you asked for experiences so here is one I know of.

1. Chassidish family with many children. Mother works full time. Has CPS in her home on two separate occasions because two of her children broke a bone where it was mandated (femur) one from falling off a bike and another from having a high chair fall on her. She was told that CPS would contact her. The CPS workers were a constant for about two weeks each time. She said they did not really bother her and she thought of it like an IRS audit. It passed and went over fine.

Last edited by amother on Wed, Jun 16 2021, 9:25 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Goldenrod

Thu, Jul 18 2019, 7:33 am

amother [ Wine ] wrote:

Our legal system is built on reasonable rules and regulations. "My laundry is not washed this week due to a religious custom... bla bla bla. However, if we had nothing but filthy clothes, we would wash them. Thankfully we live in the US and our children have enough pairs of clothing that allow us to be fine. You should see what it looks like when we finally wash everything. " If for some reason this worker is obsessed with the laundry, she'll come back to see if it's cleaned, or make the court tell you to clean it up. No one ever lost their children over a one weeks pile of dirty laundry.

Also, I agree the system is flawed, but more so in the not helping enough v being overly vigilant. If you claim there is antisemitism that creates the opposite problem, that is either a fear created by our ancestors experience in Europe, or a reality that needs to be addressed and reported. They are supposed to be culturally sensitive. Part of helping abused kids is putting up with the CPS system because for now, it's all we have. BH most people never need to deal with CPS (and I know people who have taken kids in for repeat injuries etc).

I've heard of one woman who had a horror story but BH it was resolved and another whose children were taken away but that home was legitimately abusive.

Last edited by amother on Sat, Jan 02 2021, 11:26 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Rose

Thu, Jul 18 2019, 7:59 am

OP, I think you know that it's not a legitimate fear that CPS will take your kids away. The worst case scenario is that a social worker will stop by for surprise visits for a few weeks. Would that be fun? No. But you can handle that! I really think that the only way to calm your anxiety is to visualize a realistic worst case scenario and realize that you can handle it.

My sister was mildly injured in camp and my mom took her out of the hospital against medical advice because she didn't trust the hick hospital to properly take care of her. They took her straight to our family doctor. The next night cops were pounding on our door and we had a strange lady sitting in our kitchen for the next day and again the next week.
It was over the top, stupid, vindictive (the hospital doc was insulted), annoying, a bit scary for my mom, but at the end of the day it was OK. My mom didn't show fear so none of us were frightened either.

At the end of the day Im glad CPS exists because flawed as they are, they do save lives.

amother

Cobalt

Thu, Jul 18 2019, 8:06 am

Hi, op. I wouldnt worry. Ive had several er visits for things that I would imagine sound suspicious, and have never been spoken to by a social worker or cps.

1. Special needs 1 year old had 409 clorox sprayed in her eyes by a sibling
2. 15 month old swallowed a battery
3. 7 month old with a fractured skull, I had no idea when or how it happened
4. Babysitters hot tea spilled on 20 month olds chest, large 2nd degree
5. 4 year old face planted while riding scooter, took her in to check for head injury

pesek zman

Thu, Jul 18 2019, 8:08 am

amother [ Cobalt ] wrote:

FYI at our hospital all unwitnessed skull fractures get reported. That is the most concerning thing in this list

amother

Violet

Thu, Jul 18 2019, 8:14 am

OP, I know you asked for people’s experiences with CPS, but I’m not sure that’s what you really need right now. It sounds like your child got a normal childhood injury that shouldn’t be cause for alarm. I am curious why your pediatrician felt otherwise, however, I think reading people’s CPS experiences will just cause you unnecessary anxiety. It seems very unlikely that CPS will be called because of some normal childhood bruises. I hope that you and your family remain safe and healthy! Keep being a great mom!

amother

Mint

Thu, Jul 18 2019, 10:12 am

I live in an area where neighbors will call police on you for anything.

I had 2 experiences with C&Y. Once I was watching 2 neighbors kids and they wandered out of the house. I thought they were playing upstairs. It took me about 20 minutes to figure out they had left the house. It was in middle of winter and they went outside without coats or boots. A different neighbor found them and called police. It was a big mess and C&Y was involved but we were cleared.

Another case my 8yo was playing on the front porch with our 2yo while we were inside and a neighbor called police. C&Y was called but they gave a story that my 2yo was found in the street, which never happened. They closed the case. The C&Y worker was very nice.

I found out from a few other frum families that they also had C&Y called on them bc a child was outside alone.

amother

Thu, Jul 18 2019, 11:45 am

amother [ Violet ] wrote:

This technically is a something that happens, the nurses at the ED even told me that this happens all the time . The bruise is very very large though and pediatrician warned me about it

amother

Thu, Jul 18 2019, 11:58 pm

pesek zman wrote:

I don’t understand the question. Please clarify.

I’m wondering why pediatrician warned me that ED will call CPS , if people are saying this happens . You mentioned that skull fractures are an injury class that warrants a report. So I’m wondering if pediatrician meant that in case that it’s a skull fracture cps will be called?

In the meantime , I got back from ER Tuesday morning . I haven’t been contacted by CPS as of yet.

Any idea when I can know that I’m out of the woods ? At what point can I assume that they aren’t coming since enough time has passed?

amother

Fri, Jul 19 2019, 12:02 am

amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:

How would you even know if there was a skull fracture? Does every large bump get xrayed?

From what I’ve learned over course of my saga, If the bump is big enough and the fall is high enough than definitely.

Also, even if the bump isn’t huge, It will need immediate care and possibly imaging etc if accompanied by other symptoms , such as drainage or blood from ears or nose, fever, vomiting, uneven pupils , change of behavior, irritability, lethargy. Or if child is old enough to talk and speech is different or slurred, or if complains about headaches.

May none of us ever know of this- it is so scary! (The injury is scarier than CPS obviously. My first concern was my child wellbeing. Now that I know it’s ok, I’m on to my next fear of CPS)