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Ignoring Faults

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proudmom

Wed, Oct 27 2004, 11:21 am

Ignoring Faults
---------------

Until after the final redeemer arrives, there is no person on earth without some fault. Where this person fails on one count, another fails elsewhere. We don’t appreciate someone else prying into our faults and underlining each one with a red pencil. So we know it is not right to emphasize and magnify the faults of another.

This is the way all people should relate to one another. But especially when it comes to your spouse and the members of your own family.

A Daily Dose of Wisdom from the Rebbe
-words and condensation by Tzvi Freeman
Cheshvan 12, 5765 * October 27, 2004

Tefila

Sun, Nov 07 2004, 3:22 am

Proudmom

Quote:

But especially when it comes to your spouse and the members of your own family.

Yea! but it is definatley not easy, Love is not always Blind Exclamation

Rivka

Wed, Dec 01 2004, 8:13 pm

true.
Very hard not to get annoyed by little habits you suddenly find out about after suddenly living with a person. This could even include room mates as well as husbands.

rydys

Fri, Dec 03 2004, 11:11 am

My kalla teacher told me that one should never say anything bad about their husband bec. if you do you will start to focus on his faults. If you only say good things then you will slowly start to focus on the good and less on the faults. (of course, its loshon hara, too)

proudmom

Thu, Feb 03 2005, 6:42 pm

it should be with everyone around you too.

amother

Sat, Feb 05 2005, 10:21 pm

My kalla teacher told me that one should never say anything bad about their husband bec. if you do you will start to focus on his faults.

you cant be more right. Loshen Hora does EVIL

1stimer

Sun, Feb 06 2005, 3:19 am

Quote:

So we know it is not right to emphasize and magnify the faults of another

According to my understanding this does not say that we should ignore faults. there are some faults e.g. halachic which IMHO should be discussed, of course in a sensitive, loving and non-critical way btw spouses. I know that I have improved b/c of my hubby pointing out some of my faults.

Rivka

Thu, Feb 10 2005, 8:04 am

Quote:

I know that I have improved b/c of my hubby pointing out some of my faults.

Yes constructive criticism. Only usually used by people who care and can help. That I think is good. But generally bad mouthing anyone to anyone isn't bad unless I think it really affects you and you have spoken to the person concerned and they either don't listen or don't want to listen.
So really a fine line between it all.

supermom

Wed, Feb 16 2005, 3:25 am

Rivka wrote:

true.
Very hard not to get annoyed by little habits you suddenly find out about after suddenly living with a person. This could even include room mates as well as husbands.

You can never know yourself or person by living with them even until the day they die a person can change. I learn something new about my husband everyday.

supermom

Wed, Feb 16 2005, 3:27 am

do you really know yourself as much as you think. Everyday I see myself doing thing that I thought I can never accomplish. I sometimes wonder if I really know who I am.

Rivka

Sat, Feb 26 2005, 5:14 pm

I don't think anyone knows themselves, but other people can see things you can't see in yourself, which is why I sometimes ask people what I am like, just so I know. So if I have annoying habits and stuff, I try to stop, but it isn't easy and so far I don't know if I have properly succeeded.

chulent

Wed, Mar 02 2005, 4:39 am

It takes a lot of maturity to ignore faults. You just have to learn not to focus on them. Nobodys perfect, and they definately dont want to be told all the time about their faults. I am happy I got married at a more mature age then say 19, because I really feel that I was at a completly different maturity level at 21 as apposed to my maturity level at 19 or even 20. I probably would of walked into my marriage trying to make everything "perfect" including my husband. Where as later on I was a lot more experienced with life, and got to learn a few more things about what is important, and generally how to do deal with people.
BUT I do not think we should ignore all faults either. But the small ones that really dont matter that much, and wont have a bad effect on anything or anyone, I'd say we should leave, let the person grow and learn on their own.
p.s.
I know everybody is different, and for some 19 is a very appropiate age to marry, and for some 21 is still very young. I am just trying to describe what was good for me at those ages, and how much I grew in those 2 years

Pearl

Wed, Mar 02 2005, 5:30 am

[quote="chulent"]p.s.
I know everybody is different, and for some 19 is a very appropiate age to marry, and for some 21 is still very young. I am just trying to describe what was good for me at those ages, and how much I grew in those 2 years[/quote]

thanks for clarifying that, chulent, because my eyebrows were raised a little when I read the first part of your post...... Wink

chulent

Wed, Mar 02 2005, 3:58 pm

you are very welcome

Tefila

Wed, Mar 02 2005, 5:45 pm

Quote:

know everybody is different, and for some 19 is a very appropiate age to marry, and for some 21 is still very young. I am just trying to describe what was good for me at those ages, and how much I grew in those 2 years

And years later I am still waiting for maturity to hit me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm getting less coz of my kids..... have to blame it on someone Twisted Evil

yehudis

Thu, Mar 03 2005, 1:19 am

freilich wrote:

And years later I am still waiting for maturity to hit me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm getting less coz of my kids..... have to blame it on someone Twisted Evil

Actually, I think when I was younger I didn't notice people's faults. I was naive and idealistic and thought everyone was great. Sadly, the older I get...

chulent

Thu, Mar 03 2005, 1:53 am

am I the only one that gets my point?

Ozmom

Thu, Mar 03 2005, 2:15 am

chulent mit kishke I get your point.

Freilich you know what I think, I think that the older one gets the more you give yourself permission to act like a kid and enjoy it while your at it, without worrying what people think.
well at least I think thats the case with moi.
how does this relate to the topic? umm no idea.

chulent

Thu, Mar 03 2005, 2:57 am

neither do I. confused here

RivkaH

Thu, Mar 03 2005, 11:14 pm

chulent I get what you are saying. I think the people who dont get what you are saying here and are missing your point, got married at 19.

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