Not responding to "Mazel Tov" texts

PinkFridge

Mon, Jul 22 2019, 6:34 pm

amother [ Oak ] wrote:

Are you for real? Menshliche? Etiquette? I think texting a mazel tov rude.

I'm not 65

I totally get the texting. In a way, it's better, because the recipient can read at her leisure instead of having to answer a call, or dial up her messages if that's how her voicemail works.
In fact, I feel that it's perfectly acceptable during shiva, though often calls are appreciated. (It just gets complicated if some really important people are there, either chashuv or part of the past who you never see, and then you're expected to have some level of conversation with a friend, who may or may not be so close.)

When you do a chesed, let it be as close to a chesed shel emes as possible and don't expect anything back.

tichellady

Mon, Jul 22 2019, 6:49 pm

I think intentionally not responding is rude BUT I doubt any new mom is intentionally not responding- she’s probably just exhausted and overwhelmed and responding to messages on her phone is the last thing she has headspace for. Let it go! Bring her a meal if you actually want to help her out

little neshamala

Mon, Jul 22 2019, 8:20 pm

I didnt respond to many mazal tov texts after having a baby. I sent out an announcement that BH I had a baby, then quickly shut my phone off.
When I turned it on many hours later, my phone was buzzing so fervently I was scared it would explode. I had over a hundred texts for sure, between friends, my humongous extended family (b"ah), coworkers and other aquaintances.
I SO appreciated each text.
In fact, I appreciated that it was specifically a text vs a phonecall/voicemail to listen to.
I responded to some texts, but not most. I had my DH answer some too, but it didnt even occur to me that people were expecting a reply. A text is a message. Do people also expect replies to mazal tov voicemails that they leave?
Either way, I dont think I did anything wrong, and im not apologizing. I just went through an arduous, exhausting, no epidural labor, with hours of squatting, hanging, and maneuvering my hips to get my baby unstuck and moving. Dancing, moaning, crawling and oh yes, pitocin. Then, a mini hemorhage scare, and a (BH temporary!!)prolapsed uterus from the drawn out labor.

So answering mazal tov messages (that are so appreciated, and I truly love reading them!!!)is not something im thinking about doing the few days after birth.

amother

Pearl

Mon, Jul 22 2019, 9:16 pm

I Also think that you don't need to text to thank someone when they drop off dinner separately, as they were thanked at the door, and you are very busy with the new baby and don't feel good, that is why you needed dinner in the first place.
Anyone who expects a call/text is just Gaiva-did.

southernbubby

Mon, Jul 22 2019, 9:58 pm

amother [ Pearl ] wrote:

One industrious new mother both texted me and sent a cute pic of the baby with a thank you note because I brought over supper. I didn't expect any response but it was really nice hearing from her.
I was BH blessed this morning with a granddaughter and did answer the mazal tovs.

amother

Bisque

Mon, Jul 22 2019, 10:07 pm

southernbubby wrote:

I know I don't have time to write formal thank yous for gifts so I take a pic of baby in the outfit/with the toy and send it with a short thank you. But that doesn't happen in the first week or two still.

Mazal tov! (But yes, it's easier to answer when youre the grandmother and not in charge of feeding and changing and rocking for 24 hours straight! And you probably slept last night unlike your daughter/Dil)

boysrus

Mon, Jul 22 2019, 10:07 pm

southernbubby wrote:

MAZAL TOV, southernbubby!

amother

Coffee

Mon, Jul 22 2019, 10:09 pm

I don’t expect new moms to reply but I’ve only once had someone not reply , I would think it’s the right thing to do. Just a simple copy paste thank you is enough , even a few or more days later..

amother

Mistyrose

Mon, Jul 22 2019, 10:37 pm

heres another scenario to help other be dan lekaf zechut and not judge- my cell phone is a basic phone, not a smartphone, and doesnt have room in the inbox for a lot of messages. If I get a bunch of messages and don't erase them right away, the phone will stop receiving messages. So I may miss some. To make sure I am not missing anything important I need to erase incoming messages right away, and may not be able to respond at the moment, and may not remember later on.

I don't think anyone would rather get a well-wishing text and be judged for not responding. Most, if not all people would rathe no message at all, and no judgment.

southernbubby

Mon, Jul 22 2019, 11:28 pm

amother [ Bisque ] wrote:

Thanks! I don't know what my DIL did about the Mazal tovs! I am not sure that she even looked at the phone!

amother

White

Mon, Jul 22 2019, 11:41 pm

For some people, responding to a text can be pretty draining.

"She sent me a three-line effusive Mazel Tov, do I have to respond in kind?" "Is it rude to write just TY or TNX or a smiley?" "It's already 2 days later, is it better not to respond at all?" "I have only one hand available which is fine for reading texts with, but it's really hard for me to type this way." "38 people to respond to? AAAAAAAHHHHH!"

Yes, if you can, the "polite" and "correct" and "right" thing to do is respond appropriately and in a timely manner to all manner of communication, as well as initiating conversation appropriately.

But not all of us are blessed with the capacity to do that, and although we probably could work on it, we have lots of other stuff to work on that might rate a little higher on the urgency scale.

So thank you for the Mazel Tovs, for the compliments, and for the good wishes. I smiled when I saw them, and you might be lucky to be in the 25% I managed to reply to.

May these days be transformed to days of unmitigated joy by all Yidden!

PinkFridge

Tue, Jul 23 2019, 8:40 am

amother [ Pearl ] wrote:

Keep track and write a thank you note a month later. Or call or text, I'm ok with that too. But I think it's nice if not appropriate to do more. Of course I don't expect it and genuine thanks at the door is ok too.

jflower

Tue, Jul 23 2019, 8:52 am

southernbubby wrote:

mazel tov! wishing you lots of nachas!

Rutabaga

Tue, Jul 23 2019, 8:57 am

amother [ Pearl ] wrote:

I disagree. I might not have responded to every text or voicemail I received while in the hospital, but I made sure to text a thank you for meals either that night or the next day. If someone is putting real effort into feeding my family, the least I can do is thank them for it. As a bonus, I got some good recipes from that time!

Last edited by Rutabaga on Tue, Jul 23 2019, 8:58 am; edited 1 time in total

singleagain

Tue, Jul 23 2019, 8:58 am

rachelmom1 wrote:

I find that many people who would never call or talk to me send a mazal Tov text. Cause why not. Feeling the need to respond to all can be overwhelming.

I kinda agree... Last year I took my birthday off Facebook, bc I didn't want to see a bunch of ppl I never speak to wish me happy birthday.