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Forgetting children in cars
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Jul 23 2019, 7:28 am
I have a hard time understanding how a parent forgets a baby in the car. I don't mean to come off judgmental, I simply don't get it.

Have you ever forgotten your child in the car? How does such a thing happen?
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allthingsblue




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 23 2019, 7:31 am
There have been countless threads on this topic. It is SO easy to happen, especially when there is a minor change in schedule (a different parent does carpool, delayed work or babysitting start time). It has happened to numerous parents with ONE child, as well as parents with more children. It has happened to the most loving parents out there. There is a must-read article that someone once posted, hopefully someone will post it to this thread. It was very eye opening to me.
Please, look out for the article, read it, and open your eyes a little bit.

Never think "it can't happen to me." Instead, think "I must do all I can, each day, to prevent it r"l."
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Tue, Jul 23 2019, 7:35 am
It happened to my husband two summers ago, and I still get flashbacks and am triggered if I sit in my car for a minute in the heat after I turn off the ignition. We have three small children, and were visiting my in laws one summer afternoon. My baby who was one at the time was starting to act up, so my husband said he would leave and take the baby home. He doesn’t usually take the kids by himself, since we always did Sunday trips as a family, and I would pick the baby up from daycare. I stayed around ten minutes longer after he had left, and when I got home, I saw my husband sitting with his computer, and didn’t see the baby, so I asked him if he put the baby down for a nap. He jumped up and grabbed his keys and ran outside - I started freaking out because it was insanely hot that day (probably upper 90s), and was convinced my baby was not going to make it. Bh the baby was okay, and I was just so thankful that I hadn’t stayed any longer and came home when I did. It is seriously so traumatizing when I think about it...
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amother
Burgundy


 

Post Tue, Jul 23 2019, 7:37 am
Yes, a couple of times, but not for more then like ten minutes on not hot days.
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amother
Beige


 

Post Tue, Jul 23 2019, 7:47 am
yes l stopped by pharmacy for a few items on erev pesach and was going to meet my husband and kids by in laws to burn chametz. I wasn't gone more than 10 minutes and walked in asking where 1 year old was....bH it wasn't hot and wasn't long. We are both very responsible people.

I realized it can happen to me too when there is so much on your mind and you are a couple weeks or months after birth and your mind is flying and almost can't remember how many kids you have even if it's 5 or 6.
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amother
Maroon


 

Post Tue, Jul 23 2019, 7:50 am
I don’t drive. When my DH takes our baby somewhere without me, he sends me a pic on WhatsApp after taking baby out of the car.
He has ADD and sometimes forgets to take a pic. If I don’t get a pic around the time I expect him to get where he’s going I call him to check that he dropped off the baby.
Once I forgot to call when I didn’t get a pic. BH he had dropped off the baby and just forgotten to take the pic. Now I set an alarm on my phone for the length of the car ride to remember to call. Sounds paranoid but this is my worst nightmare and you can’t be too careful.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 23 2019, 7:53 am
I've done it, when DD was a week old. I got out of one side of the car, and her dad got out on the other side. We each locked our doors and headed into the store to get more diapers. I looked at him, he looked at me, and he said "Um, aren't you forgetting something?" I said "What?" and he said "How about the BABY!"

We each thought that the other one had gotten her out of the car seat in back. Fortunately we were only a few steps from the car, but it was a very hot day that day, and she was a newborn.

Right then and there, I held her tight and thanked Hashem from sparing me from such a terrible decree. I took back every judgmental thought I'd ever had about every single parent who has faced this tragedy, and begged them to forgive me.

Up until then I thought "I would never do that to MY child!"

It is especially easy to forget if your baby falls asleep in the car, and you are overtired from not getting any sleep at all. A quiet baby and a sleep deprived mother can be a deadly combination.

Please throw your shoe or purse in the back seat!
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groovy1224




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 23 2019, 7:56 am
Has never happened to me but I can see how it would. Have you ever driven somewhere completely on autopilot?

A few months ago my baby had a fever so she couldn't go to daycare, so I brought her to work with me. She wasn't feeling well so she was very quiet in the backseat. I left her diaper bag with my purse so I would remember but if I hadn't, I could easily imagine just getting out of the car, grabbing my lunch and my purse and walking in to the office like I do every other day. It's so routine and it's early in the morning before my brain has fully turned on. I could just easily see how it could happen to a normal, responsible person.
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amother
Aubergine


 

Post Tue, Jul 23 2019, 8:04 am
amother [ Burgundy ] wrote:
Yes, a couple of times, but not for more then like ten minutes on not hot days.

Multiple times? That’s concerning.
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Tue, Jul 23 2019, 8:10 am
I usually drop my baby off at the babysitter, only a few blocks away, and go straight to work. One morning, my husband's first class was cancelled, so he offered to take the baby so that I can sleep and get out later. Anyway, he was on the highway, and peers out his rearview mirror, and sees our baby smiling back at him! He totally forgot to drop him off and had started taking him to school!
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MiriFr




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 23 2019, 8:11 am
amother [ Burgundy ] wrote:
Yes, a couple of times, but not for more then like ten minutes on not hot days.


Cars get very hot very fast. Please please please take precautionary measures.
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momX4




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 23 2019, 8:18 am
Did you ever plan to make a stop on the way to work, leave your house and then suddenly find yourself at work? What happened to your planned stop?

Your brain went on auto pilot. Although you had every intention to go to the grocery store to buy lunch, since you weren't actively paying attention, your brain had you do your typical routine.

We have a rule. Car door doesn't get closed until everyone is out. No matter the age. My kids all know this and usually ask if they can close their door when they get out.
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amother
Coffee


 

Post Tue, Jul 23 2019, 8:21 am
Not exactly the same thing, but I drive carpool and I've driven right up to my house without dropping off the other child in my carpool. Now, these are older kids who can speak up, plus my own kids are in the back seat too, and no one has ever been left in the car. But it shows how easy it is to forget. My kids have each experienced the exact same thing at least once when they're the ones being driven in carpool by a different parent- completely forgetting that my child was in the car, and just driving to their own home. We're all normal, responsible people, but the brain goes into autopilot. And if you happen to have a baby in the back seat when you normally are alone driving a regular route, I can very easily understand arriving at the destination and getting out without the baby, as you would 99% of the time.
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amother
Orchid


 

Post Tue, Jul 23 2019, 8:26 am
Yes. A 3 year old for 15 minutes (in a car seat she couldn’t open). It was terrifying and I don’t understand how it happened. It wasn’t in my mind at all and I had other kids in the car.

This article is fascinating (and painful and terrifying) to read. It claims according to science every person is at risk of forgetting. I still don’t understand how it happened to me.

In my case we were visiting someone and I was serving my kids a treat and turned to give it to my 3 yr old and didn’t see her. I had no memory of it. In fact at first I assumed I may have even forgotten her at home.

https://www.washingtonpost.com.....2475c

Quote:
The wealthy do, it turns out. And the poor, and the middle class. Parents of all ages and ethnicities do it. Mothers are just as likely to do it as fathers. It happens to the chronically absent-minded and to the fanatically organized, to the college-educated and to the marginally literate. In the last 10 years, it has happened to a dentist. A postal clerk. A social worker. A police officer. An accountant. A soldier. A paralegal. An electrician. A Protestant clergyman. A rabbinical student. A nurse. A construction worker. An assistant principal. It happened to a mental health counselor, a college professor and a pizza chef. It happened to a pediatrician. It happened to a rocket scientist.


Quote:
“Memory is a machine,” he says, “and it is not flawless. Our conscious mind prioritizes things by importance, but on a cellular level, our memory does not. If you’re capable of forgetting your cellphone, you are potentially capable of forgetting your child.”
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amother
Plum


 

Post Tue, Jul 23 2019, 8:33 am
It never happened to me bh. however, I put this really annoying app on my phone, that rings every time I turn off my engine and leave the car. it's really really really annoying to have to manually turn it off, but I rather be annoyed every single time than chas vshalom leave a kid in the car.
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Tue, Jul 23 2019, 9:04 am
That Washington Post article came out a couple of years before my oldest was born, so I was aware even before I had kids that this was something that could happen to anyone and that everyone needs to take precautions. So bh I've never done it. The autopilot thing is very real. There have been times where I've been in a carpool and the other mom would text me in the morning let me know her kid was home sick or whatever, and I'd still find myself making the turn onto her street rather than going directly to school. Obviously in that situation, the worst that happens is a waste of a few minutes and a bit of gas. Chv that same autopilot can end up putting kids in danger, so it is important to be aware of it. Please, OP, the fact that you're not even aware that it can happen put you at higher risk than those of us who are aware. Please read that article posted above. It's super important.
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Chana Miriam S




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 23 2019, 9:14 am
Kars4kids has an app to help you remember.
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amother
Violet


 

Post Tue, Jul 23 2019, 9:17 am
On one hand we must watch our children like hawks and the other is knowing some things are really not in our hands. This is so challenging.

Just the other week we had a situation that could have ended badly( nothing we could have really prevented)

I'd like to thank Hashem publicly for his tremendous chesed he did with us.

Yes we must be extra anxious when the weather is hot and be obsessed with car safety.
And put in a little prayer every day that Hashem should give our brain the memory to protect out children
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Rutabaga




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 23 2019, 9:59 am
I have a habit of checking the car seats even if I know I don't have any kids with me.

I've seen lots of ideas how to prevent a tragedy, starting with putting a left shoe or purse in the back of the car. There's also the giant stuffed animal idea, where you keep the animal in the car seat unless a child is in it and then you place the animal in the passenger seat. If you're sitting next to a giant panda or whatever then you know you have a child with you. There are also technologies that help remind parents. I saw this one recently and thought it was very smart: https://cleverelly.com/
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Tue, Jul 23 2019, 10:13 am
OP, may you and everyone else never understand how a child can be left in a car. Hashem should have rachmanos on us all. It can happen to the most responsible people.
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