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How do u get ur kids to fight less??



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thegiver




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 25 2019, 8:24 pm
My kids are together all day. I am not sending anyone to camp or classes nor seeking to. From the minute they wake up I can hear them fighting and then they run to me to resolve it. All day im hearing whining crying hitting kicking hurting etc. whats my role supposed to be in this? How can I teach them conflict resolution on their own? And nonphysical ways?:!;!3;$3(14(&3 my body was shaking today from the unbearableness morning til bedtime sigh
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Thu, Jul 25 2019, 8:41 pm
I tend to ignore my kids fighting unless there's danger involved. And when they come to me to resolve, I tell them they need to resolve it on their own. They see that I don't get riled up, angry, or involved, they fight less.
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urban gypsy




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 25 2019, 9:20 pm
Are your children bored?
Do they have enough activities to occupy them?
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 25 2019, 9:22 pm
urban gypsy wrote:
Are your children bored?
Do they have enough activities to occupy them?

This. My children fight more when they are bored. If I join the playing or games there is usually no fighting at all and they enjoy it.
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amother
White


 

Post Thu, Jul 25 2019, 9:40 pm
amother [ Cerise ] wrote:
I tend to ignore my kids fighting unless there's danger involved. And when they come to me to resolve, I tell them they need to resolve it on their own. They see that I don't get riled up, angry, or involved, they fight less.


This! When I'm not around they almost never fight. I once left for the grocery and came back and snuck into the house and they played so nicely. The minute they "knew" I was home they started bickering again till I took the approach of poster above. I can't say they never fight, but much less.

It's not about the object or game they're fighting about. They want your kishkes. I'm telling you. The less emotional you'll get the less they'll fight. Tried and proven.
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amother
Puce


 

Post Thu, Jul 25 2019, 9:46 pm
I made a chart. Whenever they wanted to hit or yell at a sibling and chose not to, they could give themselves a check.

When everyone filled in the chart they all got a prize. Or something. I don't remember exactly. They're all married now. And all very good to each other.

Though I'll tell you they used to fight like a cat and a dog, but one day I saw them being so nice to each other & realized they really do love each other.

As I got older & had more kids I got much calmer about every fight. I realized they would all outgrow it. (Well, barring a child with real issues who needs help... )
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Thu, Jul 25 2019, 10:01 pm
When my kids ask for any kind of treat or trip (can we have a freeze pop? can we lick the cake batter? can we go to the park?) my answer is almost always "if you do it with shalom".

They are very motivated to look for solutions to sharing freeze pops when there aren't enough, taking turns licking the bowl, and making sure everyone is happy with their seat in the car.

Yes they still fight but they know this is a priority for me and B"H it seems to work somewhat...
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Laiya




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 25 2019, 10:06 pm
The marble jar sometimes works. The jar starts out empty. When you see them playing nicely, sharing, cooperating, etc. a marble (or 5) go in. When they fight, tattle whatever, a marble comes out. When the jar is full, they all get a prize like slurpees.

You can adjust so that it takes a day to fill the jar, or a week. This puts them all on the same team.

I also recommend the book Siblings without Rivalry.

I agree with the other posters, that if they're craving sensory input or bored, it's probably going to be an uphill battle.
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Thu, Jul 25 2019, 10:21 pm
Hashem has the same problem
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Stars




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 25 2019, 10:33 pm
They sound bored. If you don't want to send them to daycamp (not judging, I get it), you need to be the Morah. Implement structure and activities and 75% of the whining and fighting will disappear.
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amother
Royalblue


 

Post Thu, Jul 25 2019, 10:38 pm
another vote for the siblings without rivalry book - READ IT! LIFESAVER! easy to read, practical solutions! not going to say my kids never fight but using those techniques every day breaks up the fights quickly and effectively and overrall lessens the fighting since u take away all the underlying causes.
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