Phones for HS students

amother

Mon, Jul 29 2019, 12:35 pm

My HS daughter told me that most girls have 2 phones - one that fits all the requirements of the school (no texting/internet/dummy/kosher phone - whatever applies) and another one smartphone with texting/filtered internet/whatsapp/tic toc app/etc.

Curious to hear the anecdotal evidence from Imamothers. NOT curious to hear what you think of this practice; I have my thoughts on it and this isn't the point of this post.

FOR - "in-town" BY high schools

LovesHashem

Mon, Jul 29 2019, 1:53 pm

I know the practice is common. Many have just a dumb phone.
I can't really give you percentages and percentages of each school but generally there's many girls who have 2 phones and many girl who have one.

Don't say it's ok just cuz others are doing it.
You can ALWAYS find "others" doing anything you want to validate yourself for.

amother

Mon, Jul 29 2019, 2:28 pm

Thanks.
From people you know, is it 50/50? More of one of those groups?
As I said, I have my opinion and my decision of what to do is firm. This is purely out of curiousity.

LovesHashem

Mon, Jul 29 2019, 3:14 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thanks.
From people you know, is it 50/50? More of one of those groups?
As I said, I have my opinion and my decision of what to do is firm. This is purely out of curiousity.

I'm not really in high school right now, everything I hear is through other people telling me about their school. I honestly have no idea and I think it depends on the school.

I'm sure some are 50/50 but generally from what I understand a "important" rule, like cell phones and stuff that are a big deal won't have the majority or half breaking it. I'd say the most 25-30 percent, not more.

amother

cornflower

Mon, Jul 29 2019, 3:24 pm

Just want to throw out there that my child got themselves into a big mess via social media and is suffering considerably from it...

That being said I'd say about 20%...

Chayalle

Mon, Jul 29 2019, 3:47 pm

In DD's high school, they are not supposed to have their own cell phone until 12th grade, and it can only be a talk'n'text. I'm told my DD was probably one of the very few who followed this rule to the letter.

I have lots of thoughts about a rule that is not enforced to such an extent...but no one asked me Smile

. (If you really want to know, I think either a rule should be enforced, like with near zero tolerance, or it should not be a rule. Otherwise I don't really see the point.)

amother

Mon, Jul 29 2019, 4:24 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

How does one enforce a cell phone rule?
Interrogate students and reward for those who tattle on friends?

How about ... not making a rule which you know many break?
Everyone knows that:
1. Kids have phones
2. They text
3. They whatsapp
4. There's very little wrong with it because those who want to talk to boys (that's the reason, right?), WILL do so

Why make unreasonable rules, again?

Request dummy phones, TAG oversight, no social media. BOOM! More kids follow it and easier to see who isn't (from social media, if they really want to). But no, we must beat other schools in this area as well, so let's come up with the strictest rules.

amother

Brown

Mon, Jul 29 2019, 7:17 pm

Why would a parent allow a child to have internet on their phone under the age of 20? If there are kosher phones, use them! Seriously can someone answer me? I teach high school and this discussion came up once in class. It seemed the girls all had kosher phones (BY type high school) and wanted to know why they couldn't have a smartphone etc..

amother

Pewter

Mon, Jul 29 2019, 7:22 pm

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

Why not? What magically changes at 20? Would you call up your married daughter who lives in a different state or country on her 20th birthday to let her know she can finally use the Internet?

amother

Mon, Jul 29 2019, 7:24 pm

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

Probably our MO folks could answer this better as I'd imagine it's acceptable or standard in those schools.
How about - so the students learn how to navigate it safely, with TAG oversight, in preparation for real life? Kinda like schools without a uniform but dress code?
Why do you think that a child suddenly becomes mature/trustworthy/Yetzer Harah free at the age of 20? Only cause they might be married by then and all he'll will break loose when they finally get their "freedom"? They shouldn't have a smartphone at 18? 19?

unexpected

Mon, Jul 29 2019, 7:25 pm

You have to know your kid. It is very easy to go to any drug store pick up a phone for 30$ and use a friend's optimum password to log in anywhere, any time and have completely unfiltered internet. Some of my kids followed the no phone at all rule straight through highschool. For the one who I knew would not follow, I let him get the phone and confiscated it every night at 11... can't say it was fool proof, and I'm pretty sure that he has had other phones at various times but at least I felt there was some measure of chinuch involved

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Jul 29 2019, 7:31 pm

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

Because there's a wealth of information that we want our children to have access to.

Because we don't believe in infantilizing teenagers, then suddenly telling them that they're old enough to be married and have kids.

Because there are things like waze and uber and public transit directions that are really, really useful.

Because we know that not every kid with internet access is going to spank the monkey, that any kid who wants to access p0rn will find a way to do it, and that there are worse things in the world

amother

Mon, Jul 29 2019, 7:34 pm

unexpected wrote:

I think it was very smart of you, but how did you deal with his school if they had no smartphone/internet access rule?

unexpected

Mon, Jul 29 2019, 8:09 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I think it was very smart of you, but how did you deal with his school if they had no smartphone/internet access rule?

You know what, my school had a rule but they didn't give a hoot... If a child is not from the best family and/or struggles in school already, they likely turn a blind eye until they can't anymore and then throw the kid out. (Also, it helped that he didn't get caught)

amother

Brown

Mon, Jul 29 2019, 8:59 pm

amother [ Pewter ] wrote:

Why not? What magically changes at 20? Would you call up your married daughter who lives in a different state or country on her 20th birthday to let her know she can finally use the Internet?

The brain continues developing until the age of 25. Impulsivity, inability to understand grey areas are very high in teens. Btw I am a seriously not narrow minded individual. I have a computer, tablet etc..I let my kids go on educational sites on the computer. I also know the perils of the internet. I know of a girl who got messed up with guys bec of naivete on the internet. Very sheltered chareidi kid. I talk to my kids and I would dialogue with them about this issue. It's not about saying no to EVERYTHING it's about saying no the the IMPORTANT things. And this is a very important thing. Secular parents almost don't have a choice but we do. Let us enjoy the fact that we don't NEED to give out or kids a phone with internet access.