How hard are you obligated to work to pay full tuition?

amother

Denim

Fri, Aug 02 2019, 4:40 pm

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

Not a fan of either article. Unhappy mom = not healthy environment for children. There are SAHM and working moms that are unhappy and having negative impacts at home. But all moms are stressed and stretched thin regardless of what they do.

I make 105K and live out of town. If I had 7 to 8 kids, it would not make sense for me to work full time. It would make more sense to work in the school system. But, I am young and my salary is going up so I'm not likely to get to a point that I should leave my job. My home is healthy and very happy. My children are thriving and happy. They are growing up respecting the idea of helping oneself which in today's age which does not respect this idea, is an incredible gift. They know I love my job and help people. They know I love them more and I'll take off to chaperone a trip if I can manage it with my schedule. They are secure in my love.

Make your own decisions about life but know that a tuition reduction is tzedakah. Gd makes poor people and rich people. He makes poor take and rich give. We try to be givers. But there are times when everyone needs to take. It isn't bad to have a reduction when you need it regardless of working status.

But don't make the argument that it's impossible for 2 full time workers to have a happy home or that our children suffer. You are then telling your children that there is one derech which is never a good thing. For all you know, your child could work full time too.

The main thing is that everyone does their best and gives their children love and stability. And this can be provided by a working or stay at home mom.

I'm wondering if I got a hug because my kids are happy? Because I work full time and have a BH nice salary? Because I live OOT?

Maybe it's because I give the school tzedakah from my salary to give them the ability to give reductions? Yes, it's tzedakah. Am I upset in any way, no. Do I care if you stay home or not? No. Do I trust the school to make the right decisions based on kindness? Yes. Should you go into debt to pay tuition? No.

We've had to take tzedakah too at times during our marriage. We also grew up in poverty and our parents lived on tzedakah and the kindness of others. Sometimes you need to take and sometimes you need to give. If you have what to give, support the schools so they can give! If you can't make it, take from the school. It's ok. Hashem gave money to some with the purpose of giving. I view my salary as a nes and a matanah. It isn't soley mine just because I work.

But don't say there is only 1 path, there is one path for you because you are one person. But as a mother, you should know there are many acceptable paths. I'm happy working full time and I save many lives doing my job. I'm happy to give to help those who don't have enough. I have no regrets. The only question you need to answer is to yourself, do you have any regrets? Do you regret that you stay home and need a reduction? I have many friends who answer this with a clear no. Good, I'm glad to give to help you. I wanted to live not taking and with savings. So, I too have made choices and I have no regrets. Live your life making choices that won't regret because you have one life to live.

ectomorph

Fri, Aug 02 2019, 4:43 pm

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

I didn't hug you, but I loved both of your posts.

amother

Turquoise

Fri, Aug 02 2019, 5:24 pm

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

Love this post! You are amazing!!!

amother

Cyan

Fri, Aug 02 2019, 5:28 pm

amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote:

There is no way to answer this question, without using extreme exaggerations to illustrate points.

Within the realm of average people, making similar, middle class salaries, the range of variables is too broad to make any type of rules, except in the broadest sense.

Ie, if someone is getting tuition assistance, but is able to pay for an extravagant European vacation for the family, they are not being honest.

But other issues are not clear at all. My friend was getting assistance because the bills were too high and they couldn't cover them at the end of the month. So were ours, but we were using credit cards and carrying substantial debt to make ends meet and pay the tuition. Who is right?

Both of your approaches are valid.

amother

Mon, Aug 05 2019, 3:50 pm

amother [ Navy ] wrote:

I don't understand the focus on vacations per se.

The issue is income and what amount of "discretionary" income is permitted to be kept by a family by a tuition committee. Whether a family spends it on a vacation or fancy clothing or beautiful furniture really doesn't matter.

OP's tuition committee seems to believe families are entitled to $X and she is spending it on a vacation as opposed to a new sofa. Assuming all financial disclosures have been made, there is no issue and why would OP deliberately make a financial martyr of herself when the tuition committee feels her finances as compared to all other families attending the school qualify her for X amount of a discount.

Complicating the issue is that it is prevalent that grandparents make gifts of items so that those families with generous grandparents actually have more "discretionary" income than it appears since they don't have to spend their discretionary income on those things which are received as gifts. There is nothing to indicate that OP is in that situation but I only raise it because it has been thrown into the mix.

Thanks you very much. Finally Applause

I dont either understand why everyone gets hysterical when someone mentinons vacation.

I only through in that example in my hypothetical situation to point out how the hypocricy

no one bats an eyelash that many familes who get tuition breaks go to bungalows for the summer. ( which generally is only feasible if one parent is not working)

as soon as someone says they want on a "vacation" ( after they were possibly stuck in the city since they had 2 working parents- earning money

do you REALLY want the tuition committees decideing how you spend YOUR money? or only OTHER people's?

should they decide how many new outfits you and your kids shoud buy? should they have to review your credit card statemetns and every receipt to decide if YOU are eligible for abreak

am I really the ONLY one who sees the irony here??

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Aug 05 2019, 8:22 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thanks you very much. Finally Applause

OP what is it that you want?