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Running out of money - what do you do?
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JoyInTheMorning




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 01 2019, 4:18 pm
I feel for you, OP. I agree with others that the therapist is a huge expense, and I agree that it would make sense to try a Medicaid therapist, but I also realize that especially because your husband has a mental illness, that may not be possible. There are some advantages to going to a frum therapist, who is more likely to understand your issues. There are also advantages to davka going to someone who is not frum, because it forces you to make the underlying issues explicit, and that can speed up the process. But if your husband is making progress with this therapist, it wouldn't make sense to cut that off. Perhaps it would be possible to add the Medicaid therapist, and see if your husband gets along with him/her, and if your husband does get along, think about terminating the expensive therapist.

Otherwise, my suggestions would be for you to try to increase your earnings, perhaps by tutoring. You write well; perhaps you can tutor in reading or writing? Do you know math? Math tutoring pays well. If you charge even $60 an hour, which is really low, four hours each Sunday would nearly pay for your therapy bill each month. I know it doesn't always work out that neatly, though.

And if that doesn't work, try begging your parents and in-laws for more help each month.

I am assuming you have to drive the kids to day care each morning? If not, maybe you can push off getting a vehicle in which you can put three car seats. I don't know if the three narrow car seats in the back seat of your small car would work, but if it does, there's your solution.. I do think that it does not make sense to have two cars in your situation. But of course, selling your small car and buying a large one still eats up a lot of money.
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amother
Lawngreen


 

Post Thu, Aug 01 2019, 5:28 pm
If you are in NY then I would suggest that you look into working in a residence for people with disabilities. You can do a sunday shift while your husband stays home with the kids and your husband can do a few night shifts while you are home with the kids. That will bring additional income without having to pay extra for daycare. However, you may not qualify for govt benefits if you do this so be mindful about that.

And as others have mentioned, you can use a in network therapist until your income stabilizes as right now you cant afford to pay out of pocket but you still need it so this is the best compromise even if its uncomfortable. There are plenty of religious therapists who are not good and plenty of non-Jewish therapists who are good so your husbands experience with the one therapist may not be the same as another one. You can try several until you find someone who can help.
And def sign up for WIC, Heap, assurance wireless, LINC, and any other govt program that you think can help.
If you dont have a car then its not the end of the world you can always get food delivered or just take a taxi in an emergency so the car is not a priority right now especially since you will be home after the baby is born anyway.
Maybe cut down on using disposables and wash dishes as that will save some money but I am not sure what you are paying $300 for household things and $20 for laundry so I cant help you there.
In NY you can also go to Masbia once a week and get food. The BP location is the best one to go to as they get the best donations while the flatbush one gets the leftovers. There are also tons of food pantries where you can get things like rice, beans and veggies so if you tell us the city you live in we can assist you further.
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 01 2019, 7:04 pm
I don’t read the whole thread so don’t know if this was addressed- did you ask the therapist if he/she could charge less due to a tight financial situation? Some therapists will take on low income clients for a reduced fee
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amother
Blonde


 

Post Thu, Aug 01 2019, 8:56 pm
Check out the weekly link gmach listings- furniture gmachs for car seat, crib or toddler bed etc if you have a boy there is a mohel for free, a bunch of bris outfits etc. I can send you number for brand new layette gmach, kimpeturin aid, suppers, lunches etc. There are gmachs for bassinets and rocking chair. I also have numbers for clothing gmach and Bobby's place. Let me know if you want and I can post
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amother
Blonde


 

Post Thu, Aug 01 2019, 9:00 pm
amother [ Ginger ] wrote:
Sorry fixating on the car/minivan issue here...

What about selling your current car and getting a slightly larger car with good mileage that WILL fit 3 across? Two cars is double the maintenance, insurance, registration, inspection etc. And a car, especially with good mileage, will be WAY cheaper to run (gas etc.) than ANY minivan.


We have a Toyota Avalon very old model, can fit 3 across. Saves tremendous amount on gas! But yes as it is an older model we do have to do repairs every so often but that can happen with a newer car as well.
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losingweight




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 02 2019, 1:42 am
I didn't read the whole thread, but here's my advice. Get your husband onto the medicaid plan with the family. Do go for the WIC. The kids and you will be on the program. Its a lot of food. Heap helps a lot with the gas bill. Electric company has something similar. Nachas in BP has some program to help if you miss rent payments.
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amother
Lavender


 

Post Fri, Aug 02 2019, 6:27 am
I used to have a small Toyota with 3 car seats in the back. It was very hard strapping everyone in, sticking our hands in between the car seats to close the seat belts (it actually hurt!) but we did it... such a tight squeeze but we made it work because we had to...
it’s a lot cheaper to buy a narrow car seat rather than a new car
If there’s really no way to accommodate 3 car seats then sell your car and buy a slightly larger “small “ car. A minivan is a huge expense
Sure it’s easier to get 3 kids into a van but you don’t have to take the easy way out if you simply can’t afford it now

We also need marriage therapy and my dh has a mental illness but we are pushing off therapy since we can’t afford it now
If you think think you can’t do without therapy then you have no choice other than to cut back since you aren’t earning enough to pay for it

Your dh is probably eligible for Medicaid just like your kids are and of course you should get yourself to the snap office even if it’s a pain! You’ll get free milk, bread, cereal etc - why not??

If you cut back on childcare somehow
And for sure all the therapy
And get your mind off the minivan
You’ll have more money each month and won’t have to use your last $4,800!
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DVOM




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 02 2019, 6:46 am
OP, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Good for you for giving fiscal responsibility your all!

When I had my third kid we considered a minivan but decided on a wide car instead. Like you, the little car we had at the time could not fit three car seats no matter how hard we tried. Three car seats was still a squeeze in the larger car, but much more economical than buying a minivan. We managed this way for three years quite comfortably, until baby number 4 showed up and the minivan was no longer optional.

I would not scrimp on therapy costs. This is one area of my life that I spent on without reservation or hesitation. Get the best help money can by, even if it means tuna and noodles three times a week. I have never regretted investing in mine or my families mental health.
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sirel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 02 2019, 7:02 am
some posts on this thread are Delusional.

stopping to use a therapist that is working for them is the worst.

OP I hope you can get onto more programs and/or get some family help until things get better
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amother
Silver


 

Post Fri, Aug 02 2019, 7:08 am
OP call Pesach Tikvah and have an intake there. They can match your dh up with a frum male therapist. Ask to be paired up with a therapist that specializes in X (whatever method your husband needs). They take the subsidized insurances.
You don't have to stop therapy elsewhere until/if he's comfortable with the new therapist. And if he's not comfortable just ask the clinic to try with someone else. They'll reassign you until you find a fit.
They don't take my private insurance but therapy costs $340 a month with their clinic rates.
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amother
Mauve


 

Post Fri, Aug 02 2019, 9:44 am
As someone who has been homeless and penniless (thanks to an addict ex husband) I can totally grasp your situation.
You need a lifestyle/ attitude change! You simply don't have the financial ability to continue with therapy at the frequency it is presently, cleaning help isn't affordable. You simply can't afford the lifestyle you have now. Unless your husband is willing to work an extra job, then I can't see an immediate way of increasing your household income. The only way to survive is to decrease expenditure
Find a therapist to see your husband that takes insurance. If he's been seeing an expensive therapist for a while and he's still really struggling, then a change could be for the best.
Stop the couples therapy for now. I'm being harsh, but you need to go on long term BC. You have 2 little kids and pregnant, a husband with mental illness, you write that divorce has been considered. Having more children will only increase the stress and financial pressure.
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