How do I handle this??

Seashell

Thu, Aug 01 2019, 7:54 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thanks seashell!
Thing is that this is sort of the “again”. When he watched a kid doing it we spoke about it.... discussed... that’s why I was so upset today

Hmm, I guess he wanted to test it out himself too? Or maybe his friend convinced him into it?

You said he’s mature, I’d try to ask him gently what made him do it? Then since you did discuss this, I’d say as an above poster mentioned, “If this happens again I’m not going to be able to treat you like such a big boy, & you’d only be allowed outside with an adult.” Of course I’d fit in how I’m sure it was a one time thing, I know I can rely on him, sometimes we do silly things but then we learn from it and don’t do it again etc. etc. I wouldn’t stress the consequence too much -but would make it very clear.

seeker

Thu, Aug 01 2019, 9:23 pm

amother [ Cyan ] wrote:

And that was enough time for him and a friend to pull such a prank? It seems like they were outside a few minutes too long byrhemselves.
They’re 5 year old babies.

exactly how long do you think it takes a little boy to pee?

amother

Pumpkin

Thu, Aug 01 2019, 9:33 pm

My son is just 5.
Re playing outside: I let him play outside on the stretch of sidewalk that has no driveways, and I keep popping out to check on him. I also let him play in neighbor backyards and the grassy area nearby. Of course it's better if I watch him but I can't run after him, and I think helicopter parenting does more harm than good. The area is quiet , we've discussed stranger danger, he's not allowed to cross the street, and I think I'm doing the right thing.
Re peeing: no it's not the end of the world. Far from it. It's fine to say "that's not tznius or safe, we need to do this in private places."

amother

Maroon

Thu, Aug 01 2019, 11:03 pm

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

Ha behappy2, they're "marking" the their territory.
My sisters mother n law raised 9 boys with 2 bathrooms, one of them a master. She officially sent them to pee outside.

amother

Pumpkin

Thu, Aug 01 2019, 11:06 pm

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

Ha behappy2, they're "marking" the their territory.
My sisters mother n law raised 9 boys with 2 bathrooms, one of them a master. She officially sent them to pee outside.

As the mom of two little boys this made me laugh out loud.
I have plenty of bathrooms boruch Hashem, but I can't say I love finding urine in the toilet or worse, all over the floor (why can't they aim with more precision?). Boys!!!

amother

Babyblue

Thu, Aug 01 2019, 11:09 pm

I mean, it's obviously not something you want to encourage, but I don't understand your strong response of anger. You felt like smacking him? As a mom of 4 boys, the youngest who's 4, I think I would've found it amusing. Reading your post, your ds telling you to go inside, I lol'd. Clever kid!!

amother

Fri, Aug 02 2019, 1:47 am

amother [ Babyblue ] wrote:

I guess my strong response comes from inexperience. I don’t have many younger siblings and as I said , this is my oldest. So I thought that this is the worst it gets.
Seriously, you would’ve found it amusing? Two little boys, pulling down their pants outdoors, and lettin it out?

amother

Fri, Aug 02 2019, 1:50 am

oliveoil wrote:

Definitely chill out.

You are setting him up for a fear-based relationship with Hashem, which is much more damaging than peeing on the lawn.

Yup, I see that now from all these responses. At the time I thought it was a good response because I’m letting him now that this is not about me, but him being responsible for his own actions (even when I’m not around).
I see that a- it’s not an aveira and I shouldn’t have classified it as such and
B- no need to add on that guilt and heaviness to this situation. Seems like it’s part of a boy growing up.

amother

Mustard

Fri, Aug 02 2019, 2:36 am

I also would have found it funny and also gross and simply said so. Eww Mosihy you peed in the front yard? Thats germs! Nobody wants to step in your pee. Now we have to wash it so it wont smell, dont do that again ok?

At the end of the day hes 5. yes relax.

Marigold

Fri, Aug 02 2019, 2:44 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I have a very mature 5 yr old too. Of course I would’ve been grossed out (but chuckled inwardly) and would’ve scolded him that it’s inappropriate, germs etc. I prob would've told him that if he does things like this then maybe we will have to treat him like a toddler who still wears pampers and doesn't know that we only use the bathroom to pee. This is definitely not as bad as it gets. Trust me.
Wishing you only nachas.

amother

Babyblue

Fri, Aug 02 2019, 8:34 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Don't feel bad. The reason people mellow is because you start to see that 99% of the socially inappropriate things that kids do when they're little, they outgrow as they become socialized.

I think the problem with this particular behavior is that it's socially inappropriate. The plants will be fine, and yes it's not tzniyus but the reason it bothers you is bec it's inappropriate. You're probably thinking what kind of an adult will he be if he thinks this is ok.

But just like kids occasionally wet their pants, pee all over the bathroom floor when they didn't make it in time, pick their nose at the table, make annoying sounds with their tongue etc. They'll eventually outgrow all these things. Not to say you shouldn't offer guidance, but def know that it's normal and age appropriate.

amother

Aquamarine

Fri, Aug 02 2019, 9:11 am

I'm concerned that you felt like smacking him up (though B"H you kept your cool.) If that is something that you feel often, then you need to explore why that is, as that's not a healthy reaction on your part to your son's pretty-normal-for-his-age/gender transgression.

I would keep a closer eye on him, especially with this particular friend. He will B"EH grow out of this behavior.

Chayalle

Fri, Aug 02 2019, 9:14 am

amother [ Mustard ] wrote:

Agree, I would make him responsible to get a bucket of water to spill over it to flush out the germs.

allthingsblue

Fri, Aug 02 2019, 9:15 am

amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:

She only felt it, did not act on it. She's fine.

amother

Fri, Aug 02 2019, 9:26 am

amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:

Bh I’m an overall pretty cool and chillaxed mother. In my head I really thought that what he did was terrible, especially since we have discussed it in the past.

amother

Fri, Aug 02 2019, 9:51 am

The funny thing is that I thought all of you would respond that I should really give him a strong consequence or talk to a therapist about it....
So for a follow up question, how do you know by your oldest what’s age appropriate behavior? I don’t want my expectations of him should be too high. By talking to other parents? Do parenting courses discuss this?

allthingsblue

Fri, Aug 02 2019, 9:54 am

I ask relatives whose parenting styles I trust (and whose kids turned out well), as well as chinuch mentors with whom dh and I are close.

Your child's Morah or Rebbi is also an excellent person to talk to.