Kids were sent home

amother

Coffee

Tue, Aug 06 2019, 8:30 am

amother [ Lime ] wrote:

Most schools have programs like vouchers, daycare headstart, title one... This summer was the first time that title one did a summer program in some schools. The school got a lot of money for it, my daughter had to do a some learning & had extra trips that weren't exciting & exhausted her. The parents didn't benefit, the kids didn't either but the school made some money. I say, let part of that money go for the kids that the parents have a hard time paying up. Schools make lots of money from programs & parents don't get that kinda break in tuition - and it's not fair! It's meant to help the parents!

Schools get a lot of money from all kinds of programs. That money is used to keep the school running and to give scholarships. The school decides what discounts it can afford to give and those are given out based on perceived need. There is always more people asking for discounts or free tuition than there is money. Tuition doesn't cover the cost of running schools.

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Aug 06 2019, 8:32 am

thunderstorm wrote:

There is also a group of parents whos husbands are working sometimes multiple jobs and feel too ashamed to admit how bad the financial situation is. They have no money for food, live in tiny apartments, get threatening shut off letters from the utility companies every few weeks and don’t have any credit left on their credit cards because they spent their $40,000 of credit on paying tuition previously with no means of paying it off. Those people are people like me. I went through it. And the administrator just didn’t believe my DH. I’m not sure what lie he was convinced he’s saying. But we never went on vacation, or spent money on anything besides basics like shampoo and soap and pampers and wipes and some food. There are a few bad apples who do have the means to pay and don’t. Those people are usually not the ones that feel extreme shame when their kids are sent home. Those people are the ones that yell and scream , while the ones that truly can’t pay are left with even deeper embarrassment, shame and have to suffer in silence while their kids have to go through the embarrassment as well.
I have had kids in different schools. Some had all out nasty and cold administrators that would not even accept a payment plan . It was an all or nothing game. And in other schools the administrators were extra careful not to cause added shame to an already bad matzav. There are ways to handle things in a kind manner as well. Some people have a hard time accepting that.

Of course there will be schools run by heartless people but if you really can't pay, and covering necessities is a struggle, how can you expect the school to know and give you a break if you don't tell them? If you won't share that right now finances are tough and you need help, it's understandable that the school will charge regular tuition. Obviously every school has a different situation and every family has a different situation too, I just know based on the school I'm working in that the key is open communication, if you don't ask for a tuition break because of financial issues but let your card decline every month, then something isn't being done right

amother

Jetblack

Tue, Aug 06 2019, 8:37 am

Amother goldenrod and franticfrummie, read my post again. I wrote that a school has to see parents at least TRYING. Giving whatever they can whenever they can. When they see a parent trying their best or there are circumstances that they can't work, the schools are more understanding. But if a person refuses to get a job and just tells the school too bad we don't have money, that's not the schools problem and the school is not supposed to keep them for free.

thunderstorm

Tue, Aug 06 2019, 8:45 am

For all those defending this practice and blaming the parents for not working or getting a job the OP clearly stated that her DH is working on overdrive. The administrator won’t even hear about making a payment plan. He doesn’t care what she has to say. THATS the problem. There are some administrators who work this way and are not willing to hear about the real situation. They jump to conclusions that this and this person doesn’t WANT to pay and it’s a false presumption. Then to top it all off they use the “I’m going to show you” attitude and send the kids home. Many times without warning (for those that think the parents are at fault) .
This is about the OP. Let’s remember that.

amother

Aqua

Tue, Aug 06 2019, 8:45 am

op I truly feel bad for you, how many children do u have?
I dont know if this is the case, but one cant just have multiple school aged children though with no plan on how to pay, its just not responsible. the school needs money to run. that being said the way they handled it was insensitive. you need to work out some kind of plan with them and are you able to work at all? even babysit kids for money

amother

Green

Tue, Aug 06 2019, 8:59 am

Wow! I am shocked at how many insensitive posters there are on this thread. Even if you were 100% right, this thread is not the right place to say these things. The op is in so much pain right now, I'm not sure how you ladies can be so heartless.

Start a new thread to tell all of us how special you are, like other posters wrote, it's all in Hashems hands, you have nothing to do with it.

karat

Tue, Aug 06 2019, 9:08 am

I feel really terrible that OP has to read the insensitive comments on here.
I cannot believe what I’m reading here.
It’s really too bad that there is no option for an OP to disable anonymous posting on a thread.
I feel that people would think twice before posting if it would be under their SN.

OP, I’m sorry for your situation.
The school is in the wrong.
I hope your financial situation takes a turn for the better with Hashem’s help.

Last edited by karat on Tue, Aug 06 2019, 9:34 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Wheat

Tue, Aug 06 2019, 9:18 am

I can so relate. My husband had a well paying job. He always helped others. Gave big money in donations, to the mosad/school etc. Paid the highest price from anyone, in tuition.It kept being raised because we were paying, and even paid up in bulk in advance. Never got a discount for it. Was just told that we are paying for others. Then life happens. My family grew. My husband lost his job. My child got sick. Husband was around clock with child in hospital so couldnt get another job. I had a nursing premie baby, after a lifethreatening delivery, so couldnt stay around clock in hospital with that child. Child didnt let my husband leave & to stay with someone else. My husband asked for a discount but school ignored the price they made up. Kept sending bills piling up,that we couldn't pay. My child was out of school for 1.5 years due to his sickness, but they continued sending bills for full amount & charging for 1.5 years straight that he didnt attend etc...

southernbubby

Tue, Aug 06 2019, 9:18 am

As has been said many times both here, in print media, and on other websites, frum people are often not given the tools for earning money enough for this lifestyle and alternative choices are limited. I wish that more people who can't pay tuition could get together and create co-ops for both schools and simchas which are among the biggest expenses facing frum people. I wish that frugality support groups existed for the sake of those whose chicken soup is the meat course for Shabbos. I wish that schools would find more ways that non-payers could pay with sweat equity instead of cash and I agree with the poster upthread who said that when schools give breaks to people who could pay more, it could be at the expense of people such as OP.
And yes, it is cruel to send kids home in the middle of the day without warning. A warning must be given so that parents don't send thinking that everything is fine and then the kids should be sent home as soon as they arrive if the parents sent against the rules of the school.

amother

Tue, Aug 06 2019, 11:49 am

karat wrote:

The world is colorful with many different people. After dealing with this crazy administrator I can deal with some anonymous posts. I don't feel in the wrong any way since we're doing the most we could. The most that's upto us.
Im still blushing from the bishes we had. And the way I bursted out crying on the phone, and all day.. But hashem is always here with us. We hope for better days iyh.

Thanks everyone for ur support. I seriously needed this anonymous vent yesterday. We're drowning in debts but our hopes is higher today than yesterday.

Whoever posted abt having children without a cheshbon...total secular thought. Life is full of surprises. We were rich yesterday and today were drowning...
Im thanking for everything we stayed with, and thats our beautiful children and family. Nothing can take away the pleasure of kids in any way. No money can cover for the naches and pride and love they bring.

amother

Orange

Tue, Aug 06 2019, 11:55 am

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

Amother aqua, people can have great plans and great jobs for how to pay tuition and the plans can be gone in the blink of an eye. It's not irresponsible to have kids because you don't know what your financial situation will be like tomorrow, let alone in afew years by the time said child reaches school age.

But far too many people don't have plans for the future, other than "Hashem will provide." Sure, things happen, good and bad. But that doesn't mean you should throw up your hands and say well, he's making a little over minimum wage, and I don't want to work. But my parents are giving us the deposit for the half million dollar house, and Hashem will provide for our 8 kids. It doesn't work that way.

And of course our schools need to look at people like OP and say he's working as hard as he can, and she's looking for a job, we need to help these folks. But the only way to do that is to tell others look, maybe you want to be a SAHM, but we still need more money from you. In order to help those who have no choice but to be in need, we can't help those who CHOOSE to be in need. And to say look, we know that you have a $3000 mortgage, but we're not taking that into account. Even playing field. Income, including all gifts over $1000 aggregate. How you spend it is your problem. If you have special circumstances -- child with special needs, supporting a parent -- we will give you special consideration after everything else is determined.

amother

Denim

Tue, Aug 06 2019, 12:49 pm

amother [ Tan ] wrote:

Agree. And we are very thankful for what we have. We also know how much work we put into it though. We didn't sit around taking tzedaka and prayed a perfect job would come along. I even cleaned houses at some point even though I have 2 degrees. The fact that I found a great wellpaid job now is a gift from heaven. But noone can tell me that they can't find a cleaning job or a babysitter job etc. They just don't want those jobs because they're "beneath them". And also why take such a job if you can easily get tzedaka instead?

I have an accounting degree. I couldn't find a job.
I was babysitting for a few years. It's not beneath me. Its not beneath me to clean either I just don't have that kind of energy. I was trying to find a babysitting job for a few years and didn't find anything. This year I found something. I did have an accounting job for a few months in between. I'm lucky that Bh I'm chasidish and my tuition is pretty much affordable at this point. And a cleaning job or babysitting job wouldn't cover a huge tuition like many schools have.

amother

Wine

Tue, Aug 06 2019, 1:55 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Ur so nice. I Wana contact you but my dignity doesn't let me. Pls tell me more details how u feel u can help?
I really appreciate. I'm dying to reach out to you

Please do reach out to her. It's hard to internalize, but there's nothing to be embarrassed about the situation Hashem has put you in. And He might have put surrendered here as the shliach to help you. Remember, this is for your children's sake as much as yours. Do it for them and you might find it easier.

Hugs. Wish I was in a position to help you as well.

amother

Babyblue

Tue, Aug 06 2019, 2:30 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Because of our tuition balance.
All cc are maxed out. No groceries either anymore.
My husband is working his head off. I worked till the summer for pennies.

I'm crying my eyes out.

Thanks for listening. Can't talk to anyone IRL abt it. Just a vent. Embarrassing situation. My kids are so innocent to be in this mess Crying

How can a mosad be so ruid to their own people...

sent home from camp? Or school?