Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers
Would you find this behaviour concerning?
1  2  3  Next



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Aug 07 2019, 7:40 pm
Just throwing this out there since I'm a little unsure how to proceed. My 4-year-old son is a generally well behaved child and adorable keh! At home, the only difficult behaviour I would point to is that he is quite stubborn and rigid, for example, he will hardly try a new food. In general, if he decides to do something then he'll do it but does not appreciate taking instructions or suggestions from me Wink. This is generally not a problem since he usually behaves and will do what he is supposed to do anyways. His Morah on the other hand, had a very hard year with him. Bathroom going was an issue, she says he can bully other boys, will refuse to dress himself now (with swimming) and she thinks I should go for an evaluation. She also says he seems to have a "chip on his shoulder". To me that behaviour seems like macho 4-year-old behaviour but maybe she has a different perspective in a group setting?? Would love some input here!!
Back to top

amother
Blue


 

Post Wed, Aug 07 2019, 7:41 pm
If she is an experienced teacher and good at her job, yes, I would take her concerns seriously.
Back to top

ectomorph




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 07 2019, 7:42 pm
amother [ Blue ] wrote:
If she is an experienced teacher and good at her job, yes, I would take her concerns seriously.
this. It can't hurt to get an evaluation.
Back to top

Stars




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 07 2019, 7:43 pm
I wandered in here expecting to find normal 4 year old issues but nope, eval asap.
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Aug 07 2019, 7:47 pm
Thanks for your replies. I'm obviously not asking for a diagnosis but in what direction are you all thinking this could go?
Back to top

amother
Linen


 

Post Wed, Aug 07 2019, 7:51 pm
I disagree.
Sounds like your son has a strong minded personality and he is clashing with this teacher who is also probably strong minded.

Being strong minded is not a disability. There’s nothing wrong with your child but you will need to learn techniques on how to parent him in a way that allows him to express his feelings and also gets him to cooperate when needed.

I went through this and struggled until I learned good parenting techniques and also guided teachers on the best way to handle my child. My child is now a dream teenager, with the same strong personality. Ironic I know.
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Aug 07 2019, 7:55 pm
Thanks Linen, it's good to hear from someone with the same experience. I have a feeling that it just a very strong minded personality but I don't want to overlook something else. He is also very bright keh so I feel he is a bit "old" for his age... does that make sense to you? What kind of techniques? Any books to recommend?
Back to top

teachkids




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 07 2019, 7:56 pm
I know kids like that where it ended up being anxiety which only got worse as the kid got older until he was diagnosed and treated. Give the evaluation a shot
Back to top

amother
Pink


 

Post Wed, Aug 07 2019, 8:05 pm
What’s the goal of the evaluation. To find out if he has issues or not? You already know what he is having trouble with, from what you described about his behavior. Do you need an official report to tell you this so you can get him services, or do you want to figure out why this is happening?

You mentioned him being “stubborn” about foods and also some difficulty with going to the bathroom. Many people don’t know this but many behaviors can be directly related to the foods they’re eating. What is his diet like?
Back to top

amother
Oak


 

Post Wed, Aug 07 2019, 8:09 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thanks Linen, it's good to hear from someone with the same experience. I have a feeling that it just a very strong minded personality but I don't want to overlook something else. He is also very bright keh so I feel he is a bit "old" for his age... does that make sense to you? What kind of techniques? Any books to recommend?


But struggles with using the potty and dressing himself don’t point towards being old for his age if anything the opposite.
Back to top

amother
Magenta


 

Post Wed, Aug 07 2019, 8:12 pm
amother [ Pink ] wrote:
What’s the goal of the evaluation. To find out if he has issues or not? You already know what he is having trouble with, from what you described about his behavior. Do you need an official report to tell you this so you can get him services, or do you want to figure out why this is happening?

You mentioned him being “stubborn” about foods and also some difficulty with going to the bathroom. Many people don’t know this but many behaviors can be directly related to the foods they’re eating. What is his diet like?


The goal of an evaluation is to figure out the root of the difficulties. What is driving his behavior? And what can the adults in his life do help him?
Back to top

amother
Linen


 

Post Wed, Aug 07 2019, 8:13 pm
Most important thing is to never get in a power struggle.
Instead of saying do this and that, Say it’s time for the next thing which is this and that.
Avoid direct commands and you avoid the immediate reaction of NO from your child.
You let your child know what comes next and you hope they follow. If they don’t you take the next step which is telling them that within a certain time frame this and that needs to happen.
I don’t know if I’m explaining well. But the basic idea is instead of treating your child like a soldier that needs to listen or else, you speak to them in a way that is more like the way you would speak to an unrelated teen like a babysitter for example. You speak with a kind of respect. Don’t throw tomatoes at me. It really worked for me.
You have to be easygoing. You have to be understanding when your child is insisting they must do something you don’t let.
You have to be willing to have a dialogue about things. You have to be willing to give in on things that are important to your child and you don’t have a good reason to forbid.
If you or a teacher has a drill sergeant style then it will be a disaster. If every time the teacher says “do this now!” your child responds with why should I? then yeah the teacher will get annoyed and say there’s something wrong with your kid. But if you have a teacher who is easier your child will have a better year.

When my child was much younger I remember reading some posts by Fox that really helped me reach this understanding. She can explain much better than me.
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Aug 07 2019, 8:34 pm
Thanks, I do get it. I'm going to try to search those posts so I can learn a bit more about this. Thank you!!
Back to top

Laiya




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 07 2019, 8:57 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Just throwing this out there since I'm a little unsure how to proceed. My 4-year-old son is a generally well behaved child and adorable keh! At home, the only difficult behaviour I would point to is that he is quite stubborn and rigid, for example, he will hardly try a new food. In general, if he decides to do something then he'll do it but does not appreciate taking instructions or suggestions from me Wink. This is generally not a problem since he usually behaves and will do what he is supposed to do anyways. His Morah on the other hand, had a very hard year with him. Bathroom going was an issue, she says he can bully other boys, will refuse to dress himself now (with swimming) and she thinks I should go for an evaluation. She also says he seems to have a "chip on his shoulder". To me that behaviour seems like macho 4-year-old behaviour but maybe she has a different perspective in a group setting?? Would love some input here!!


The comment about the chip on his shoulder bothered me. The rest of what the morah said sounds descriptive. But that's a negative, judgmental comment. It might be a result of her frustration, she might be having a power struggle or personality clash with him, but she shouldn't be describing a 4 year old's personality in a negative light.

It's also concerning that there seems to be a disparity between his behavior at home and in school. Why do you and the morah have such different views? Does he like swimming? What exactly is his bullying behavior?
Back to top

ectomorph




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:02 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thanks Linen, it's good to hear from someone with the same experience. I have a feeling that it just a very strong minded personality but I don't want to overlook something else. He is also very bright keh so I feel he is a bit "old" for his age... does that make sense to you? What kind of techniques? Any books to recommend?

I have very strong minded children (shocker, I know). I haven't encountered the issues you mention with bullying, potty issues at school, or difficulty getting dressed.

I have had potty issues at home (mostly deliberate peeing because they know it pushes my buttons, but improving w time) and they tend to fight, but I think that's normal for close in age kids, and they love each other and play nicely for hours in between. [quote]
Back to top

amother
Puce


 

Post Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:22 pm
amother [ Oak ] wrote:
But struggles with using the potty and dressing himself don’t point towards being old for his age if anything the opposite.


I totally understand this. My son is "too old" for his age cognitively, but emotionally he isnt there. It's a hard problem because hes the same way (defiant, has a hard time with teachers and not at home) but he is far beyond the materials being taught in class and that causes him to act out. So he doesnt really "fit in."

I'm not sire if this us what you mean OP, but a kid can definitely be beyond d his years and at the same not be able to get dressed.

That's what I understood at least.
Back to top

amother
Magenta


 

Post Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:24 pm
amother [ Puce ] wrote:
I totally understand this. My son is "too old" for his age cognitively, but emotionally he isnt there. It's a hard problem because hes the same way (defiant, has a hard time with teachers and not at home) but he is far beyond the materials being taught in class and that causes him to act out. So he doesnt really "fit in."

I'm not sire if this us what you mean OP, but a kid can definitely be beyond d his years and at the same not be able to get dressed.

That's what I understood at least.


It's not unusual for different parts of the brain to develop at different rates. One part of the brain can be age five developmentally, another age seven, and another age three.
Back to top

amother
Magenta


 

Post Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:30 pm
Laiya wrote:
The comment about the chip on his shoulder bothered me. The rest of what the morah said sounds descriptive. But that's a negative, judgmental comment. It might be a result of her frustration, she might be having a power struggle or personality clash with him, but she shouldn't be describing a 4 year old's personality in a negative light.

It's also concerning that there seems to be a disparity between his behavior at home and in school. Why do you and the morah have such different views? Does he like swimming? What exactly is his bullying behavior?
.
The school environment and the home environment are very very different. So while a child might have the skills to manage the home environment, he might not have the skills to manage in a classroom environment. Or vice versa. It doesn't necessarily reflect on anything beyond his skill set as compared to the demands being placed on him.
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:31 pm
Thanks Puce, I think this is somewhat it... he has always been super reliable, super predictable and very bright for his age. His Morah says it might be a confidence issue as well "that he needs to prove himself with the other boys". I think changes are hard for him and it takes him a while to get settled but then he does well. She had these issues in the beginning of the year, they for the most part settled down and now with daycamp, new morahs, new schedule they are cropping back up. I wonder if I should wait a year, see how he matures and if there is still an issue then deal with it or if I need to be taking care of this now. At home things are more predictable and he is more comfortable so he has less of a need to "prove" himself. I hope this is making sense.... I'm a bit confused with all the different responses here
Back to top

amother
Blue


 

Post Wed, Aug 07 2019, 11:36 pm
Change is hard for him-- this sounds like possible anxiety (together with other things you mention).
Back to top
Page 1 of 3 1  2  3  Next Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Is this concerning?
by amother
23 Sat, Mar 18 2023, 10:11 pm View last post