If you pay full tuition...

amother

Thu, Aug 08 2019, 3:39 pm

... is it ok to spend on small luxuries before donating extra to your kids’ schools?

I don’t even mean lavish vacations or luxury cars. Let’s say things like having a pool, mid range cars... although I don’t know if it matters either way.

amother

Seashell

Thu, Aug 08 2019, 3:41 pm

You would think that if you pay full tuition you get a gold star from the imamother crowd. But no, if you're talking about conspicuous spending, you'll get a mussar shmooze for that too. So only spend on luxuries that no one will ever find out about.

(I don't pay full tuition and can't afford luxuries at all, so maybe I shouldn't even have answered...)

amother

Silver

Thu, Aug 08 2019, 3:42 pm

You pay your tuition. I imagine you give Maser to Tzidaka. I imagine you pay your expenses and are not on public/community assistance. How is what you do with the rest of your money anyone's business.

pesek zman

Thu, Aug 08 2019, 3:45 pm

Donating extra to my kids school would not be on my radar. Tzedakah and tuition are 2 different things and I give tzedakah elsewhere

amother

Red

Thu, Aug 08 2019, 3:47 pm

Decide how much you are giving to tzedaka, and prioritize that before the pool. Who you give to is up to you, whether it is the school or another recipient. It's not in good taste to be flashy, but there's nothing wrong with having nice things. (I pay full tuition but can't afford pool/fancy cars and still save, so maybe I'm not the one to answer either).

ETA after seeing the other responses: we do give extra to our school. We love our school, and tuition doesn't cover operating expenses, so fundraising is important. For some funding sources, having as many families as possible participate, regardless of donation dollar amount, is crucial for obtaining grants. Funders like to see an actively engaged school community. Lots of reasons.

amother

Jade

Thu, Aug 08 2019, 4:59 pm

I'm not OP, but I think this is a valid question to consider, given the communal nature of the obligation, even if I don't take a position on what the correct answer is. I've posted on other threads about it.

Yes, we pay full tuition and we also give extra to the school. We don't spend on expensive luxuries, even a pool or a semi-luxury car like an Audi, because that's not our style, but we save and invest a lot of money every year and definitely could give a lot more to our school than we do and I do think about that.

mig100

Thu, Aug 08 2019, 5:04 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

... is it ok to spend on small luxuries before donating extra to your kids’ schools?

is this serious??

if you are waiting for permission from the imamother board of judgmental yentas- you are not allowed to spend money on anything other than bread and water - ever unless everyone on imamother approves.

actually - nope- it take that back - bread and water????

seriously?? you are spending on that??? its cheaper to bake you own bread and draw watter from a pump then get from the facet

how dare you spend money on such luxuries as bread and water??? Banging head

amother

Aqua

Thu, Aug 08 2019, 5:04 pm

Nothing wrong. U don't need to give the schools everything. I pay full tuition, give toward the pesach campaigns etc but I don't think I shouldn't go on vacation, drive a certain car before giving the school more.

Cheiny

Thu, Aug 08 2019, 5:31 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

What makes you think you have to donate extra to the schools? Are you paying full tuition?

amother

Tangerine

Thu, Aug 08 2019, 5:32 pm

mig100 wrote:

amother

Rose

Thu, Aug 08 2019, 6:22 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Weird question. I suspect it's a joke, but just in case you're quite serious...

You are free to give your required percentage of earnings to whatever tzedaka you choose and you are also free to spend what money remains in any way you choose.

sky

Thu, Aug 08 2019, 6:25 pm

I think that’s fine.

Money I give to my kids school over tuition is ma’aser. I was told to prioritize a percentage of my ma’aser to my kids schools and I do try to give a nice amount. (Dinner, building, rebbe fund, sponsor day of learning...). I need to give ma'aser Anyways. I’d rather give to a cause I benefit from then to pay for a splashy add campaign.

But That doesn’t come out of money I use for life. It’s a seperate cheshbon.

amother

Ivory

Thu, Aug 08 2019, 8:11 pm

We did this for years. Every extra penny (literally) went to the school. They somehow smelled every time we did a good deal and came begging and we didn't know how to say no... at one point we realized that the school completely did not appreciate our level of sacrifice and scaled back considerably. We still give nicely at the dinner etc but it is with a really sour stomach tbh

amother

Linen

Thu, Aug 08 2019, 8:30 pm

We asked for a tuition break and were turned down. We really can't afford full tuition right now. We'll quite literally be using our grocery money (don't need pity--we'll survive and learn to make do on less). When that happened I decided that I don't plan on ever giving a penny more than I absolutely have to. Right now we don't have much more anyway, but hopefully that will change. Had they given me a break I'd have felt an achrayus to give them whenever that became possible but now I don't. I've always had a preference for giving directly to poor people and less so to yeshivas anyway, but now I have absolutely no intention of giving a dime of my tzedakah money to them.

amother

Papaya

Fri, Aug 09 2019, 10:47 am

amother [ Linen ] wrote:

so upsetting.. Sad

amother

Purple

Fri, Aug 09 2019, 11:19 am

Something to think about: elementary schools are chronically underfunded because the parents don't generally reach their peak earning years until the kids are in high school. So the high schools have a much easier time raising funds from the parent body. If you are in a position to give to your child's elementary school, please do.

amother

Cobalt

Fri, Aug 09 2019, 11:24 am

I send to school because I think it's better then the alternative. that doesn't mean I love the school.

We actually decided to switch our kids to a different school for the upcoming year so we'll see.

I pay full because I feel like if I get a service I should pay for it.

In order to want to donate someplace I need to feel like it's well run. If I feel like they waste money I'm not going to donate. If I feel like when we offer our skills which are worth a lot of money they have no interest then I'm not going to run to donate.... schools need to make it so that the people who could donate will WANT to.