Incapable of feeling sad

amother

Sun, Aug 11 2019, 9:16 am

It feels so ridiculous that we’re mourning the loss of the BHMK.

Our nation has sacrificed so much for God since the destruction of the BHMK. Think colossal tragedies in which we’ve been tortured and murdered because of our faith, like the Holocaust and Spanish Inquisition, as well as all of the emotional energy put into keeping Halacha throughout the ages.

God is still torturing us - the world is still filled with evil people and so much pain. Good people die, bad people prosper.

What in heavens name is He waiting for.

I’m not capable of feeling sadness for God. Anything but complete fury is out of the question. Why the hell am I fasting, putting myself under more torture, because God is torturing me despite all of the effort I’ve put into pleasing him? He should be fasting. He should just turn the world off because there’s so much more agony than there is anything positive.

Anyone relate?

amother

Aubergine

Sun, Aug 11 2019, 9:28 am

amother [ Cobalt ] wrote:

anger and sadness are two sides of the same coin. Telling Hashem your fury fully will awaken your sadness. Go ahead. Don't be scared. If Dovid Hamelech does it, so can we.

Understand, but I'm sad for myself not for Hashem.

zaq

Sun, Aug 11 2019, 9:44 am

Tisha B’av is a day of national mourning for ALL our churbanot, not just the destruction of the Temple. If you can’t relate to the loss of the Temple, which is, for most of us, an abstraction, relate to the loss of the Six Million or the more recent losses in EY and around the world.

Learning

Sun, Aug 11 2019, 9:45 am

Sadness and furry are both negative. You are crying to hashem. You lost your trust in Hashem. I also think that hashem should turn off this awful world but I keep telling myself that hashem is smarter than me and I’m waiting to hear the solution to that mystery when mashiach comes. I don’t have any other choice

amother

Sun, Aug 11 2019, 9:48 am

zaq wrote:

So why am I fasting? Why am I causing more pain to myself when I’m already feeling so much of it? It feels like God wants me to punish myself, but I haven’t done anything wrong. He has.

amother

Babyblue

Sun, Aug 11 2019, 9:54 am

Learning wrote:

Your thoughts are an often cited explanation for dealing with tragedies. Namely, that hashem is "smarter" than us, and when mashiach comes it will all make sense. It's hard for some people to get to this point. Meaning to genuinely accept that one day we will understand why having babies born with cancer is really an act of love and was truly the absolute best possible thing for the baby and its family. It simply defies the human logic that hashem gave us.

amother

Apricot

Sun, Aug 11 2019, 10:00 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

So why am I fasting? Why am I causing more pain to myself when I’m already feeling so much of it? It feels like God wants me to punish myself, but I haven’t done anything wrong. He has.

Can you really say that? Have you never hated anyone? Embarrassed someone? Spoken bad of someone?

amother

Mistyrose

Sun, Aug 11 2019, 10:16 am

I cannot relate to your post. To me, tisha ba'av, in its own way, is a gift. I can cry out loud and mourn the sadness in my life. My baby, my poor, poor baby who does not have a yahrtzeit. This is the day I can feel sad and no one would say I have issues, not getting over things. The day gives voice to the silent crying I feel everyday. I can cry out loud.

And this is what tisha ba'av is about. All the tragedies, private and public , are all offshoots of our galus.

I used to be young and immature and naive and found it hard to connect to tisha baav. Not anymore.

Learning

Sun, Aug 11 2019, 10:18 am

amother [ Babyblue ] wrote:

You are right. But hashem logic is not our logic and this is the nisayon. To trust that there is something higher beyond our logic

etky

Sun, Aug 11 2019, 11:39 am

I can't relate to any of this.
For me Tisha B'av is first and foremost the day of the destruction of the temples.
The personal aspect is just an accompanying aspect - to an even lesser degree that all the other tragedies that occurred to the Jewish people over the millenia.
It's interesting to me that some people feel the day in an intensely personal way.
To me it is a day of national cheshbon nefesh - personal only in the sense that I ask myself what role I should be playing in the national narrative.
Regarding anger at G-d - there is a hint of this in megilat Eichah, in the view that G-d has punished Am Yisrael excessively for their sins. But the predominant theme is one of צידוק הדין and remorse at our sins that provoked the churban.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Aug 11 2019, 12:54 pm

OP, Elie Wiezel asked the exact same question in his work "The Trial of G-d".

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/.....f_God
https://www.goodreads.com/book.....f_God
https://christinerichardsireg......e.pdf

zaq

Sun, Aug 11 2019, 12:59 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

So why am I fasting? Why am I causing more pain to myself when I’m already feeling so much of it? It feels like God wants me to punish myself, but I haven’t done anything wrong. He has.

. Fast in solidarity with those who suffered and give the value of the food you didn’t eat to Yad Vashem or any of the organizations that help victims of terror. Because seriously, if all you do is skip a few meals, then your fasting really is pointless.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Aug 11 2019, 1:17 pm

Another way of looking at it, is you can feel sad about the fact that you're not feeling sad.

When there is a disconnect from past tragedies, and you can't feel emotions about them, that is something to feel sad about, too.

etky

Sun, Aug 11 2019, 1:27 pm

tichellady wrote:

I don’t really think the fast has much to do with Gd. I think it’s more about being sad about all the tragedies.

Yes, and also about taking responsibility for our role in incurring the destructions and exiles.
It is an oppprtunity for national introspection with an empahsis on rectifying our behavior especially on the level of bein adam lechavero.
Anyone who can't relate emotionally to the sadness of the day should just try to appreciate it on an intellectual level. Maybe later in life the emotional aspect will come.

tichellady

Sun, Aug 11 2019, 1:50 pm

etky wrote:

Well said!

amother

Purple

Sun, Aug 11 2019, 2:19 pm

If you cant feel sad then you cant feel joy!
And that is not only something to be enraged about but is tragic and there's room for sadness too.

To expand on a comment on another thread today.
Tishabav to me is about the destruction of our nation and the individual destruction of so many of us who lost or really were never given basic life... and dont know what being human with the capacity to live and appreciate life is. Its a parallel I know about.
How tragic that all I can experience is anger and numbness !
What a destruction of human spirit! And it seems to be rooted in the global holocaust of the Jewish people that has gone on for generations ( not just in WW2) -which in other words is Galus. And this galus didn’t allow for basic emotional healthy upbringing of generations of children. And the trauma gets passed on.
Thats a tragedy I can be mad and sad about!

champagne

Sun, Aug 11 2019, 2:34 pm

OP, it sounds like Tisha B’Av is a day you would really enjoy actually.

I totally understand the sentiment—I have a lot of anger toward all the bad stuff that happened. That’s exactly why I like Tisha B’Av so much—FINALLY, we’re acknowledging it. Finally there’s a day where I can be angry and depressed and feel all the feelings I feel toward G-d for turning away from us instead of pushing those feelings aside. It’s so authentic, and so cathartic.

The not eating is supposed to be a natural response to this depression which was then codified. And I’m glad it was. It’s not a punishment—it’s a release from the materialism that doesn’t allow me to get in touch with myself and my emotions.

And trust me, I don’t have some constantly ecstatically spiritual relationship with G-d and religion. But to me, this day feels like a very necessary day for myself to experience the feelings society often expects us to quash.

Mourning the loss of the Beis Hamikdash IS acknowledging all the bad things that are happening now. So if you’re wondering why you have to mourn the past if you can mourn the present, they’re one and the same.

Wishing you all the happiness and clarity you are looking for.