Whats your secret?!

jfk92

Mon, Aug 12 2019, 9:03 am

I have a 14 month old who is bh rather well behaved, except when we are at a store I.e., grocery shopping. For the first 5 minutes everything is fine, but then he gets really antsy being in a cart or stroller, if I give him something to hold it gets me another 5 minutes of calm, but then back to screaming. And 10 minutes just isn't enough time for me lol I see other kids his age doing perfectly well for longer periods of time. So my question is to you imas. How do you do it?

ectomorph

Mon, Aug 12 2019, 9:04 am

Every kid is different. Yours just doesn't tolerate it well... There's no secret. Every child has different abilities to tolerate shopping trips.

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Aug 12 2019, 9:09 am

With an antsy kid, I involve them, talk to them about each thing I pick up, hand them light things ask them to throw it into the cart. I always put something on the seat with them to explore and switch it out with another when they are bored. You can also bring a toy for him to hold, or give him a snack that takes a long time to eat.

jfk92

Mon, Aug 12 2019, 9:18 am

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

So the truth is a snack would work, but I feel like that actually reinforces the behavior and I also try to minimize food as rewards.

Laiya

Mon, Aug 12 2019, 9:24 am

jfk92 wrote:

So the truth is a snack would work, but I feel like that actually reinforces the behavior and I also try to minimize food as rewards.

He's a baby. If your goal is to be able to finish your shopping, you do what it takes. I've sometimes had to carry the dc on my hip while pushing the cart with one-hand.

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Aug 12 2019, 9:29 am

jfk92 wrote:

So the truth is a snack would work, but I feel like that actually reinforces the behavior and I also try to minimize food as rewards.

He's likely behaving that way because he is overwhelmed or bothered by the smells and all the food around him. I don't think it reinforces anything.

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Aug 12 2019, 9:34 am

What’s my secret? My child’s docile personality.
Please don’t think you’re doing anything wrong, really nobody else whose normal is thinking that.

shmosmom

Mon, Aug 12 2019, 9:38 am

I try to avoid shopping without my toddler as much as possible, sometimes literally running to different closer supermarkets 10 times a week rather than attempting one order with her. When I have to I take her along I give her a drinkable applesauce or leben, and we still end up buying more things that she wants than what the house needs. When she was a little younger I'd take along a cardboard book or toy but these didn't last long either.

Rutabaga

Mon, Aug 12 2019, 9:47 am

I always bring along a snack cup of Cheerios to give my little ones when we're running errands, especially if we're grocery shopping. I don't think of it as a reward but as a distraction to keep them busy and happy.

challahchallah

Mon, Aug 12 2019, 9:53 am

Online grocery delivery for as much as I possibly can. Amazon Prime Now and Walmart.com are a lifesaver for us. Then I can pick up the few remaining items I need at the kosher market in just a few minutes.

jfk92

Mon, Aug 12 2019, 9:58 am

amother [ Babyblue ] wrote:

What’s my secret? My child’s docile personality.
Please don’t think you’re doing anything wrong, really nobody else whose normal is thinking that.

Thanks, I've had people literally come up to us and be like "no dont cry/scream, why are you crying/screaming?" And im so extra embarrassed. Course that also makes it worse as my ds is on high alert w strangers.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Aug 12 2019, 10:05 am

jfk92 wrote:

Don't be embarrassed. It's their ignorance, not your lack of parenting skills. I either ignore tantruming kids, or ask if I can help, depending on the age of the child and the situation. Sometimes kids are in autistic meltdown mode, and the mom just needs to hear that you are on her side.

When DD was little I would hand her over to her dad as soon as he got home from work. Then I could go do shopping. Who knew an hour alone in a supermarket could be as relaxing as a week in Hawaii?

If your DH is working late, get a mother's helper to watch him at home while you get a break, and can think in peace. It will be worth every penny, and you'll probably save money, too!

tichellady

Mon, Aug 12 2019, 10:33 am

My daughter is a year old and is the same way. I can’t take her on errands and assume that I won’t end up with a screaming child who wants to be held while I push the stroller

amother

Burgundy

Mon, Aug 12 2019, 11:01 am

I live in a neighborhood that has kosher grocery stores that deliver. However those stores are a lot more expensive than some other stores. When I had babies/toddlers I relied on the delivery service. I would fax in (remember fax days?) my order and pay whatever I need to to avoid going with the kids. It’s not that my kids were extra hard... it’s more that it would be overwhelming for me to remember everything I needed to buy while being attentive to the little ones (in public which is much harder).
Now my youngest is in school and I drive a bit further to take advantage of the sales and stores that have better prices. I simply couldn’t do that when my kids were younger. Even now if I have someone home for whatever reason who comes shopping with me I will still allow them to eat a snack as we shop in a large store.

flower2

Mon, Aug 12 2019, 11:12 am

You can give a snack at the supermarket and it's not a reward- it's their snack for snack time
You can even bring something from home like pretzels, banana, etc... if u don't want to buy a snack bag

Laiya

Mon, Aug 12 2019, 11:29 am

jfk92 wrote:

I know it's hard with a baby. I hope that if he's screaming or crying, you pick him up and hold him if possible.

Teomima

Mon, Aug 12 2019, 11:39 am

Every child is different. I've had kids who loved nothing more than being in the stroller, and one who thought it was a torture device. I've found trying a different stroller can help (sometimes they just really don't like the position/angle/etc). Snacks of course help (please don't worry about food rewards or reinforcing negative behavior at this age. You are absolutely right that those are important things to keep in mind, but not for a 14 month old on shopping trips). But my biggest secret, the thing that works for me every time without fail, is baby (/toddler) wearing. I know it's not for everyone, but it does the trick. I keep my Ergo carrier with me all the time and I'd my baby/toddler gets intolerable, I just stick them on my back.

amother

Copper

Mon, Aug 12 2019, 1:31 pm

Every kid is different! And every age is different, as well. My son used to be a disaster in supermarkets. I literally couldn't take him anywhere. My husband had to do the groceries every wednesday on the way home from work, which was crazy because he doesnt come home until 10pm as it is!
Now, my son is almost 3, and hes an absolute pleasure to take shopping! It's my favorite time of the day when he wakes up from his nap, and we go out.