TV charachters??? | Imamother

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

TV charachters???

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BlumaG

Thu, Aug 25 2005, 10:30 pm

I have a friend who is modern orthodox, she has a daughter a few months older than mine and for her daughters birthday shes making this really big party (2nd bday btw) with moon bounce, clown and Dora the Explorer (tv charachter) I dont really want my daughter around these kind of things even though shes too young to even understand, so I wasn't sure about the party or not and I opened my big mouth n said we were looking forward to coming and then I found out all what they were planning and now I am not so sure I should really take her, any one have nay opinions on this kind of stuff???
I don't want to hurt my friends feelings, we don't spend much time together but she does go out of her way to keep in touch with me so I try to keep the connection open...

stem

Thu, Aug 25 2005, 10:36 pm

If your daughter doesn't even know what these characters are, then what is the harm in letting her play there for one afternoon? If you don't make a whole deal about it, your daughter will never know that these cartoon characters are from TV.

de_goldy

Thu, Aug 25 2005, 10:38 pm

Everythign that children are exposed to effects them.

Purple Hug Bunny

Fri, Aug 26 2005, 1:15 am

de_goldy wrote:

Everythign that children are exposed to effects them.

You can say that again!

nicole81

Fri, Aug 26 2005, 1:31 am

stem wrote:

at first I totally agreed with you but then I though about what if the kids at the party are all saying things like "did you see when dora did this or went there, etc?" then she's going to feel left out and start asking questions.

stem

Fri, Aug 26 2005, 12:47 pm

Her daughter is 2!!! she's not going to have a clue about what they are talking about if the other kids discuss dora's adventures. They could be talking about a book, or real people for all she knows.

BlumaG

Fri, Aug 26 2005, 1:49 pm

she's only 20 months but is this opening things up for when next yr when she will understand I wouldn't take her and then how do I excuse that, why is it any better for her onw than later, just something I'm thinknig about... what would you do?
I'm just not sure that's an environment she needs to b in. I might just make her a play date at her house instead of going to the party, maybe if I say I'm sorry I'm unavailable maybe we can get together...., does that sound good, who know???

amother

Fri, Aug 26 2005, 3:48 pm

1. I have a 22 month old and THEY HAVE NO CLUE and no memory. She will not remember this party or anyone there or if you even went to it by next week. She will certainly not remember dora the explorer. For her it will make no difference at all. If your friend will be offended, that is what should be important, in my opinion.

2. Also I have several kids and they don't watch tv and their friends talk about it and it is not a big deal at all. My kids never come home asking about it or begging for the toys or whatever you are worried about. to me it is important that my children learn to be friends with people who are different from them.

3. I am writing this as amother because I have included identifying information about my children and ages.

uandme

Fri, Aug 26 2005, 7:07 pm

we don't do tv, and my kids never even saw a video till the preschool showed them one on the parsha when they were 4ish. but characters haven't really phased me, except when they are objectionable, (like little mermaid, tinkerbell, pokeman) for tznius or violence type reasons. it is ok for my kids to know about (names of, basically) what is out there b/c they do mix a bit with more modern or non-frum and it makes it a bit more comfortable, and in that way boosts their self-esteem and jewish pride I think. b/c they know it's no big deal, not a big taboo. they don't even know that these characters have whole shows the other kids watch every day.
my cleaning lady the other day said she thinks my kids are so smart b/c we don't watch tv, and my son heard that and was proud......
but he knows who cookie monster is, and dora, and some others. I wouldn't object to the party just cause it has those pics on the plates, unless part of the activity is watching a show/movie of it
..

lucky

Sun, Aug 28 2005, 2:01 am

Exposure to TV charachters r a fact that we have to deal with. With characters on everything from toys to foods, even kids who dont watch tv know them.
I wouldn't worry about such a young child.

Someone I know dressed her kids (3and 4 yr olds)like Winnie the Pooh. I felt it was inapropriate.
I know of people who would not dream of letting their kid watch tv, but decorate the kids room with characters.

Mommy912

Sun, Aug 28 2005, 11:44 am

What happens on Purim when children see people dressed up as these characters? I would think that it would just pass over most kids - there are many things in the world that are new to them and these characters are just some of them. If you don't make a big deal about it then it will be forgotten. It is more than likely that there will be things at the party that will make a greater impression on your two-year-old- like ice-cream and candy!
In an ideal world, children would never see anything that doesn't fall into your set of values, but short of keeping kids inside your 'Mikdash Me'at' 24/7 there is no way to avoid outside influences. Stressing the differences too much may make them more memorable to impressionable minds, whereas just ignoring them may cause them to be minimized.

amother

Sun, Aug 28 2005, 11:52 am

when my daughter was 3 we went to a birthday party and the people served non cholov yisroel ice cream. I had a hard time trying to distract her from having ice cream.

these types of thing are out there all over. if you take your kids to walmart they will see dora and other characters. my daughter is a little older and starting to ask about barbie and disney products, but right now she still calls them 'princesses'. as principle I don't like these products anyway cause they are too commercial. we also don't watch tv. my personal opinion is that it wouldn't be any more detrimental than going shopping or going to a theme park (if you would do that sort of thing). I think dora at a party is pretty benign since she'll just think its a doll or a girl (and that's really what it is). it doesn't become a problem unless you make it one - like have her watch it on tv all the time, or buy her lots of these products. hope it makes some sense what I am saying.

answered as amother cause of some identifying info.

BlumaG

Sun, Aug 28 2005, 12:44 pm

oh no, these posts made me think of something else, I dunno what hte kashrus at hte party will b like, I guess we won't b gonig

Purple Hug Bunny

Sun, Aug 28 2005, 9:43 pm

I agree with mommy912.

I know I agreed with de_goldy that whatever kids see influences them, on the other hand, it's impossible to always keep them away from e/thing, they can't be locked in the house 24/7.
ppl travel, kids see things while traveling, while on the street and there really is no way to avoid them at all times.
Although I wouldn't do TV or video I don't think that I would keep back from buying my kid a tv character doll/product. I wouldn't think of it as a tv character and I would give it any name.. I also agree that you don't have to tell her who/what it is, it can be just a doll to her. just don't make a big deal out of it.

If you decide still to go, good luck!

imaamy

Sun, Aug 28 2005, 10:49 pm

Dora is pretty harmless. She speaks Spanish and as most of this part of the country is going Mexican, my kids are exposed to a lot of it anyway. At least Dora does good things like help people and it is educative.

jewgal84

Mon, Aug 29 2005, 1:40 pm

Its not the point who Dora is, its what shes representing. T.V. Movies, Media etc. Who wants kids to be exposed to all that junk at such a tender age. Yes its only a character dressed up, but dressing up leads to so much more. So soon Ill have my kids saying "dora" as their first few words. And then will be shoppind and shell point to a dora doll, and then a dora toy and a blanket etc...

Like some of you wrote, you can't always keep tabs of your children, but when you could what harm is there to.

amother

Tue, Aug 30 2005, 1:42 pm

Mandy, not signed in.

Quote:

Yes its only a character dressed up, but dressing up leads to so much more

huh ? what are we talking about here ? Dressing up leads to...purim costumes ? What does dressing up in characters lead to ? Asking for toys ? Doesn't just going shopping lead to that anyway ?

Quote:

Like some of you wrote, you can't always keep tabs of your children, but when you could what harm is there to.

I guess it could lead to your friend ( the mom of this other child) being insulted, it could also lead to your kid not knowing how to not look down on others.

jewgal84

Tue, Aug 30 2005, 6:15 pm

Quote:

huh ? what are we talking about here ? Dressing up leads to...purim costumes ? What does dressing up in characters lead to ? Asking for toys ? Doesn't just going shopping lead to that anyway ?

What I meant is first you'll have someone dressed up as the character, the next birthday you'll theme it up to different characters, before you know it, your child ends up going to a carnival rather than a birthday party!

I mean really at the age of 20 months they need a character? I know plenty of children who are even scared at that age (that's a whole diff topic)!!

As far as shopping there are plenty of toys your child is attracted to naturally, but seeing a familar "face" will create more deisires.

Quote:

I guess it could lead to your friend ( the mom of this other child) being insulted, it could also lead to your kid not knowing how to not look down on others.

Are we concerned about individual friendship or the education of our children. As a mature adult I'm sure the "other" mom can see that ppl have diff views about raising their children. Just like some moms won't give their children candy, you expect your friends to understand it and not give them candy. Isn't a mom mature enough to understand that ppl dont have to see or view her way?

And again the child is 20 months, are we, mature women, asking our kids what's good for them?

The Lubavitcher Rebbe was very much for kids to see only good and clean images, as far as inapropriate dress, non kosher animals etc . His point being that children are affected even at the time that their still in their moms stomaches. That a mother should be careful what she sees, hears and how she talks. Even more, once the kid is in the real world we should definately take the care into what are children are being exposed to.

So imagine a child at 20 months attending a birthday party, with only games, treats and prizes, isn't that what any kid would want, do we have to bring in other characters as well?

stem

Tue, Aug 30 2005, 7:23 pm

jewgal84 wrote:

even at the time that their still in their moms stomaches.

I hope they weren't in their mother's stomachs! shock

Or do you mean, their mother's womb.

amother

Wed, Aug 31 2005, 9:05 am

amother wrote:

when my daughter was 3 we went to a birthday party and the people served non cholov yisroel ice cream. I had a hard time trying to distract her from having ice cream.

BlumaG wrote:

oh no, these posts made me think of something else, I dunno what hte kashrus at hte party will b like, I guess we won't b gonig

my parents are on shlichus. when I was younger I attended many b-day parties of girls that were "less frum" than us. I don't remember even thinking of wanting what they had (tvs, pants, whatever.) in fact I thought some of it was just plain dumb. it was very clear to me that my family was different, and I was proud of the way we were (no tv, no barbie dolls, etc.)

my parents would discuss the food ahead of time with the parents of the b-day girl, and if it was not ok then either my parents or the b-day girl's parents would provide another option. I very clearly remember at one party where the theme was ice cream, the girl's mother took out some mocha mix for me. another time, I remember bringing along my own slice of pizza - well that one was actually a little embarrassing. embarrassed

but for a 20 mo. old it shouldn't be too hard. your friend will probably be a lot less insulted about that than if you just decide not to go. it is a lot easier for people to understand dietary restrictions (especially in these days of allergies, vegetarianism, etc.) than it is for them to understand why you seem to be rejecting them altogether.

I used to play with these girls on shabbos or other times too. as we got older, it got harder to maintain the friendship because our lives became too different. I didn't know the topics of conversation, for example if they were talking about movies. there was one girl that I used to visit every shabbos. the breaking point was when I went to her bat mitzva party and all her friends were wearing pants and there were even some boys there. so I stopped hanging around with her. now that we are both adults our friendship is renewed on a new level.

my point is that it is possible to be flexible without damaging your child's yiddishkeit at all.

and I do not think there is any essential tuma in a dora doll taken out of the context of tv etc. in israel they have x-mas wrapping paper and decorations in all the stores - because they don't really have x-mas, it is not a taboo. just like there is nothing essentially wrong with red and green, same thing with dora. it is not even a non-kosher animal.

even if you don't want your child to be friends with your friend's child later on, 20 mo. is young enough that having them meet once does not mean that they ever have to meet again. a b-day party for such young kids is more of a social event for the parents than the kids. unless you feel that you can't cope with exposure to dora yourself, I think you should go.

amother for identifying info

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