Home

No Time Outs, so then what..?
1, 2  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children

View latest: 24h 48h 72h


amother




OP


Post  Tue, Aug 13 2019, 1:47 pm
For those who believe in no time outs, thinking times, leaving the room, and so many other names used...

What do you effectively do when a child won’t stop a behavior that is negatively effecting you, another child, other people around, etc..?

And example is when my toddler gets frustrated and will just let out a massive burst of a scream, hurts my ears, wakes the baby, or makes a seen in public.
What do I say?
What should I say?
What if my toddler continues to scream despite my efforts to calm my toddler down?
Do I leave the room?
What about if it’s in public?

What do I do when my toddler doesn’t use nice touches ex. Smacks baby? Smacks friend? Pulls toys away from friend?


I was raised being yelled at, fearing punishments and consequences, being told my behavior defines me, putting adults feelings in front of my own, etc..
so really I know what it did to me. & it left serious issues... I even now as an adult.
And I know I don’t ever want my children to feel that way.
However, I don’t know how to do it since I never was really shown while growing up, what unconditional love, feeling of safety and comfort, and feeling free to express my emotions looks like.

For those that have some advice, can you please share with me some practical pointers on how to handle this situation?

Toddler is typical, very verbal, and very empathetic.

Thank you!


**Please only share if you share the same view as me. I’m not interested in other techniques.
Back to top

pesek zman




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Aug 13 2019, 1:55 pm
How old is this toddler?
Back to top

amother




OP


Post  Tue, Aug 13 2019, 1:56 pm
pesek zman wrote:
How old is this toddler?


2, female
Back to top

ectomorph




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Aug 13 2019, 1:58 pm
You'll figure it out as it goes along

I'm not a big fan of saying I never do timeout or I never hit.
It depends on the child and the child's personality and the entire dynamic.
One of my children responds really well to time out is able to calm down as a result and the others don't.
I potch only for life threatening things, and I see my kids get the message. (putting bag on sibling head, running into street)
I think a good rule of thumb is that 95% of the time you should be doing gentle discipline. Every situation is different and I think it's unwise to make a blanket rule that you never do X or Y.
Back to top

amother




OP


Post  Tue, Aug 13 2019, 2:01 pm
ectomorph wrote:
You'll figure it out as it goes along

I'm not a big fan of saying I never do timeout or I never hit.
It depends on the child and the child's personality and the entire dynamic.
One of my children responds really well to time out is able to calm down as a result and the others don't.
I potch only for life threatening things, and I see my kids get the message. (putting bag on sibling head, running into street)
I think a good rule of thumb is that 95% of the time you should be doing gentle discipline. Every situation is different and I think it's unwise to make a blanket rule that you never do X or Y.



Thank you for taking the time to share.
I edited my post to please only share if you have the same parenting view as me.
I’m asking a specific Q based off of a specific view of parenting.
Back to top

trixx




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Aug 13 2019, 3:04 pm
Time in (positive parenting).
Peace corner (Montessori).
Google these
Back to top

trixx




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Aug 13 2019, 3:05 pm
Time in (positive parenting).
Peace corner (Montessori).
Google these
Back to top

mha3484




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Aug 13 2019, 3:22 pm
First, my mantras are kids do well when they can and if they are giving you a hard time, they are HAVING a hard time. It helps me a lot to tell myself that through out the day.

We do Time In and I tell which ever child that we need to take a break to calm down and start over.

I find ultimately the best thing I can do is set them up for success. If I know my kid cant handle a task or environment I do my best to avoid it. I have a kid that does not like crowds so I am not going to force him to go somewhere super crowded and noisy it will just cause a meltdown. I dont get into power struggles with a toddler. You will never win and its not worth the stress.
Back to top

Motherhood




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Aug 13 2019, 6:54 pm
I never do time-out. Its not something I think gets anywhere. I try to take away the problem from the toddler or the toddler from the problem. When there’s a tantrum in public, I hold toddlers hand firmly and march out. When it involves the baby, put the baby on the table, in the room, anywhere out of reach of danger. Sometimes involving the child is better than pushing her away. Maybe hold the baby with the toddler, or telling her in the grocery what you are looking for and she should help you find it.
Back to top

gigi3




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Aug 13 2019, 7:30 pm
I try not to do time outs. We do time in (where the parent or grown up removes the child from the situation and stays there with them). It’s part of positive parenting.
There’s a good book on positive parenting called no-drama discipline by Daniel j Siegel - avail on amazon
Back to top

amother




Forestgreen


Post  Tue, Aug 13 2019, 7:38 pm
Distract child or remove from the situation. Can be hard sometimes but usually works a charm.
Back to top

Jewishfoodie




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Aug 13 2019, 7:44 pm
I like bribery. I think charts and positive reinforcement work at every age level. Not stupid bribery like, "here's a candy cuz you were good" but rather, "wow! You helped me with the baby! Now I have more time to read to you"!

When they do something negative, I tell them how bad I feel that they hurt the baby, and maybe if the baby stops crying because they helped the baby, we can make up a funny song together. (grandchildren tho) And we HAVE done funny songs.. Variations of "do you like ice cream and broccoli" Look it up. Kids LOVE that song!

Edited for summer spelling
Back to top

flower2




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Aug 13 2019, 9:51 pm
Just curious but what's wrong with time out?
Back to top

ectomorph




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Aug 13 2019, 10:08 pm
flower2 wrote:
Just curious but what's wrong with time out?

Time in seems exactly like what I call time out, lol. I also sit with the kid.
Back to top

amother




Jade


Post  Tue, Aug 13 2019, 10:50 pm
A toddler screaming from frustration is age appropriate and normal. I get very sensory so I know how hard this can be! But kids learn to regulate themselves when you first co-regulate with them. don’t leave the room when your toddler needs you most. Stay close and help talk them through their feelings so eventually (very eventually!) they will learn to regulate on their own.
Back to top

#BestBubby




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Aug 13 2019, 10:59 pm
First no potching, then no yelling and now no time-outs.
Not allowed to let kids play outside by themselves.

Seems like parenting is being criminalized and everyone is in danger
of having their kids taken away Ch"v.
Back to top

Jewishfoodie




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Aug 13 2019, 11:29 pm
#BestBubby wrote:
First no potching, then no yelling and now no time-outs.
Not allowed to let kids play outside by themselves.

Seems like parenting is being criminalized and everyone is in danger
of having their kids taken away Ch"v.


Honestly? I think some parents are just learning from what didn't work for them when they were children so they are cleverly trying another tactic. There are millions of healthy ways to raise a child. These are just a few. Nothing criminal here..

ETA: (from one Bubby to another, I think this new generation is killing it! That's a GOOD thing.)
Back to top

tichellady




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Aug 13 2019, 11:33 pm
#BestBubby wrote:
First no potching, then no yelling and now no time-outs.
Not allowed to let kids play outside by themselves.

Seems like parenting is being criminalized and everyone is in danger
of having their kids taken away Ch"v.


You are being a bit dramatic. There are lots of ways to be a good parents and op is just asking for advice based on her preferences, nor attacking other styles.
Back to top

trixx




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Aug 14 2019, 12:00 am
Also, check out Janet Lansbury. You'll like her stuff. Blog, book, podcast
Back to top

pause




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Aug 14 2019, 12:51 am
Separate without comment (Sara Yaroslowitz)
Back to top
1, 2  Next Recent Topics

Page 1 of 2 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
5 year-old having flip outs in the middle of the night?!
by amother
5 Thu, Nov 01 2012, 10:46 am View last post
the ins and outs of buying your first home
by amother
4 Tue, Feb 01 2011, 8:08 am View last post
by Tova
Question for parents who give time outs: 14 Thu, Sep 03 2009, 10:01 am View last post

Jump to: