DD "needs" non mommy time

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants

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happymom

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 10:50 am

it frustrates me so much when ppl tell me to put donw my baby or ill spoil him. I held my daughter WHENEVER she wanted and she is FAR from spoiled! her teachers even realize that she isnt spoiled!

Ruchel

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 11:20 am

why is the topic about a 3 months old and about ignored crying babies? I don't get what you mean, sorry

happymom

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 11:22 am

it was brought up in the conversation so I posted what I thought, then u wrote that ure daughter doesnt only cry cuz she needs something its also for tantrum or whatever so I clarified that I am talking about younger babies

Ruchel

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 11:24 am

ah ok. Because my dd is 10 months and definitely she has a very strong will! lol

jewgal84

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 11:41 am

I don't think it's fair for the ped. to come and advise as parent on how to raise their children.

In my opinion, whenever the mom feels ready that her baby/ies can be without her for a bit, so be it.

My twins started going to playgroup when they were 6+ months (part-time), and that was a really good thing for me.

A) Some mothers still have to work for money in order to provide a better upbringin for their children.

B) Some mothers need some time away from their children to re-energize themselves.

I qualify for both mothers, does that make me a bad mom?

Ruchel, there are no rules in raising your children. You have to do what best suits you and your family!! If you feel being with ur dd all day is not spoiling her (which I don't think it is) then so be it. For those moms who need a break away, enjoy the time off!

Even more so, I don't think a baby as young as 10 months old NEEDS to explore the realness of the world either, they'll have a whole life to live, Gd willing, they'll get their share then!

amother

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 12:01 pm

Quote:

ah ok. Because my dd is 10 months and definitely she has a very strong will! lol

this is the age where they start realizing they are seperate from u Wink

GAMZu

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 1:14 pm

Quote:

She PREFERS to have her in a day nursery, I think from 9 am to 5pm, since she was 6 months.

I am sorry if this comment is inappropriate, but a woman who would do that is a LAZY self-centered poor excuse for a mother.
If someone wants to give her child away for most of the day, she could at least go to work! What working mother wouldn't want to trade places with her, to get a chance to stay with her baby?
UNLESS she has some underlying medical or emotional reasons that she can't take care of children. In that case no one can judge, but I hope she is on a good BC.
Again, I am speaking my feelings and apologize if it's inappropriate.

Mama Bear wrote:

oy,the french! pregnancy is considered hell, delivery is considered hell and everyone should have c sections, no one should breastfeed, everyone should send their kids away asap so you can reclaim 'me' time... what a hedonistic, egoistic, self-centered country. What a backwards, backwards country. My blood boils every time some meshugaim tell you what to do with your life. please, for the sake that all is pure is good, ignore these people!!!

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Ruchel

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 1:22 pm

Quote:

If someone wants to give her child away for most of the day, she could at least go to work!

No, she told me she stopped working to take care of her children. Apparently she means "full day until they're 6 months, and morning/evening after).

Quote:

UNLESS she has some underlying medical or emotional reasons that she can't take care of children.

Maybe, I don't know.

Quote:

In that case no one can judge, but I hope she is on a good BC.

she "wants many others"

Ruchel

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 1:23 pm

If I remember well her children are 6, 4 and around my baby's age.

GAMZu

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 1:34 pm

How can she be a "SAHM" if she has no "SAHK" (stay at home kids)?

Ruchel

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 1:36 pm

because she stays at home, and she is a mom?
how do you say, for example, if someone has big kids in school, and she doesn't work?

GAMZu

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 1:36 pm

amother wrote:

Quote:

send my kids to daycare at 3 months causae I work, but if you are happy sahming with your baby when she is so little--fabulous!
_________________

I dont mean to be rude, but three months is just as young as six weeks

Firstly, we were talking about a mother sending out her baby at 6 MONTHS for no good reason. Not 6 weeks because she must get back to work.

Secondly, there is a world of difference sending a baby to a babysitter at 1 1/2 months and 3 months. That's another whole lifetime for the baby!

GAMZu

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 1:39 pm

SAHM is a mother who stays at home to take care of her kids.
A woman who stays at home without children is called a housewife.

Ruchel

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 1:41 pm

okay! thanks! it's another language thing then. "MÃ¨re au foyer" (mother at home) also goes for someone with children outside here.

amother

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 2:41 pm

Quote:

Firstly, we were talking about a mother sending out her baby at 6 MONTHS for no good reason. Not 6 weeks because she must get back to work.

someone mentioned that she wouldnt leave her six week old and thats why she went back to work when her baby was three months. imo three months is no doff the six weeks cuz they need mom the same..

gryp

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 3:08 pm

jewgal84 wrote:

In my opinion, whenever the mom feels ready that her baby/ies can be without her for a bit, so be it.

My twins started going to playgroup when they were 6+ months (part-time), and that was a really good thing for me.

A) Some mothers still have to work for money in order to provide a better upbringin for their children.

B) Some mothers need some time away from their children to re-energize themselves.

I qualify for both mothers, does that make me a bad mom?

jewgal, that's a different discussion of whether or not a mother needs non-baby time.
This is about whether or not the baby needs non-mother time.

Quote:

I am sorry if this comment is inappropriate, but a woman who would do that is a LAZY self-centered poor excuse for a mother.

I thought the same, Gamzu.

Here in America you can have no kids at home and also be an SAHM, Ruchel.

Starhavah

Sat, Jan 05 2008, 11:39 pm

First of all I do not believe that babies "need" non-mommy time however some of the women on the thread have taken (what appears to me to be) a very sanctamonious attitude about this.

When my daughter was 10.5 months old we moved from Israel to the states and for financial reasons had to switch from a nanny who came to us to all day day care. My daughter loved day care from the day she started. She is an only child and day care taught her things that she was not learning at home, like how to share a toy rather that own it. But more importantly she loved playing with other children. She was then and is still (she is 7.75 years old) a very engaging and outgoing child. In her case, I definately think it was better for her than staying at home would have been. If your child is very outgoing or unusually afraid of strangers it might be good. If it would only stress you and your child out then it is not good. You need to make your own decisions about this.

Please stop implying that those of us who put our children in day care are autmatically worse Moms that those of you who stay home. I do not assume that about you.

Star Havah

Starhavah

Sat, Jan 05 2008, 11:54 pm

happymom wrote:

qeenb, a baby at eight and nine months has seperation anxiety and is NOT READY to be away from thier mother, and that is why they scream when left.

saying one can send a baby to a babysitter at a young age to get used to it is to me saying one should fast when young to get used to fasting when older.

a baby needs and wants its mother. just because they have no choice and realize there is no point in crying so they stop, doesnt mean it wont affect them in a negative way in the long run!

Happy Mom,

This is the "sanctamonious", "talking down-to-us" attitude I am talking about. You have not met every baby on the planet. You do not know what someone else's baby needs. Like I said, my 10.5 month loved day care. As soon as we arrived she crawled and toddled right to the door. She never screamed and was a very happy baby. She was happy at home too. I knew lots of 8-12 months old babies who did not scream all day when their folks left them at day care. Nor was it that they realized they had no choice in the matter. Some babies enjoy being with other babies and bond well with a variety of adults. If your child is in that catagory then you have child who will do well in day care. Nor do you know that it will effect them negatively in the long run. There maybe some child it does effect negatively in the long run, there are children I have seen who can't stop crying in kindergarten because Mommy isn't there. Many of them have been negatively effected by never being away from mommy, but that does not mean that all children with SAHM suffer from it, only a small percentage and I belive and my experience as both a teacher and a mom is that the number of children who suffer negative consequences from day care is also small.

Star Havah

Ruchel

Sun, Jan 06 2008, 9:13 am

Well dd LOVES other kids, and she always wants to play with them, she runs (well, crawls) after them and so on.

gryp

Sun, Jan 06 2008, 10:31 am

Quote:

Happy Mom,

This is the "sanctamonious", "talking down-to-us" attitude I am talking about.

Happymom doesn't even know how to talk down to people. The only attitude she has is "I want to be the best Mommy to my kids." And she's usually right on the mark when it comes to parenting.

This is an example of a post where the reader can apply any tone she wants to it, and assume she is correct in the OP's original intention.

Whether or not a child likes something is not an indicator that that is what is best for them. We all know that.

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