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Tactful ladies: Help wording an email please!
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Aug 18 2019, 12:44 pm
BetsyTacy wrote:
but a Jewish person is allowed to be called jew-boy?


It's not even accurate. He's married, so he's not a bochur anymore. Tongue Out


In all seriousness, get a lawyer. They are the best ones to advise you on the timing of the complaint, because they've dealt with this so many times before (sadly.)

OP, please tell your DH that we're all proud of him for sticking it out in such a hostile environment. It says a lot about his dedication to professionalism and integrity.
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Squishy




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Aug 18 2019, 1:14 pm
sarahmalka wrote:
I am circling back to this because am still so appalled. I told DH some snippets as DH has worked his whole adult life 20+ years in various professional and corporate environments and his jaw dropped!!! He said this is actionable and you could get lawyer. We think that your first step, if you're hesitant to put anything in writing, is for him to meet with his advisor from school. I do not think you should or need to wait. His school has given him no reason to mistrust them. Good luck!


I know the perfect lawyer for this. PM me, and I will explain why.

This is not the time to massage anything.
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marina




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Aug 18 2019, 1:22 pm
I agree that a consultation with an attorney will clarify your options. Usually these consults are free and can help you figure out which way you want to go. Call the bar association referral service for your city for names.

Although it is 2019, I hear about harassment and discrimination all the time, from this kind of ethnic bigotry to women applicants being asked about their marital and family status. It is shocking each time. When will people learn. I guess this is job security for us attorneys Smile
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DVOM




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Aug 18 2019, 4:05 pm
Thank you all for your replies. You've given us a lot to think about.

My husband will definitely not be taking any sort of action until his schooling is complete and this can't come back to bite him in any way.

Another point to ponder:

These comments are part of a larger culture in this facility of racism and bigotry. My husband has a very thick skin. While he knows that the comments directed towards him are wrong and would like to do something about it, it hasn't touched him in any deep or painful way. What has very siriously disturbed him is the comments and actions directed at the mostly elderly clients he is working with. The core group of old time staff members show thier distain for black and hispanic patients by word and action, and any staff member who does not join them is treated coldly. His supervisor's anomosity towards him began with his refusal to join in this sort of 'playful' banter and behavior. His supervisor literally told him: the amount of thought, energy and compassion DH was putting into treating these patients is 'making me look bad' and that he doesn't need to work too hard for these types of people.
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penguin




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Aug 18 2019, 4:10 pm
Quote:
If I were your husband, I would wait until a time when I felt relatively professionally secure and immune from retaliation to report this. I admire those who are braver, but I am not.

In the meantime, you could share this information informally within the frum community and possibly with other people who might benefit from knowing.
I agree with this very much.

Although I am very much the type to want to go out and protest wrong-doing, it would be a shame for your DH to lose out by reporting it now and having it cause trouble. However, he should document every incident he can, in writing, with names of everyone he can remember who was around and heard or saw each incident.

He could talk to a lawyer now, though, to find out how much time he has to file.
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Squishy




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Aug 18 2019, 4:10 pm
DVOM wrote:
Thank you all for your replies. You've given us a lot to think about.

My husband will definitely not be taking any sort of action until his schooling is complete and this can't come back to bite him in any way.

Another point to ponder:

These comments are part of a larger culture in this facility of racism and bigotry. My husband has a very thick skin. While he knows that the comments directed towards him are wrong and would like to do something about it, it hasn't touched him in any deep or painful way. What has very siriously disturbed him is the comments and actions directed at the mostly elderly clients he is working with. The core group of old time staff members show thier distain for black and hispanic patients by word and action, and any staff member who does not join them is treated coldly. His supervisor's anomosity towards him began with his refusal to join in this sort of 'playful' banter and behavior. His supervisor literally told him: the amount of thought, energy and compassion DH was putting into treating these patients is 'making me look bad' and that he doesn't need to work too hard for these types of people.


You may have a statute of limitations problem with filing a complaint. It was a very short window of something like 180 days for zexual harassment back in the Anita Hill days.

I would consult the attorney sooner rather than later. There's an all around horrible atmosphere there.
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Cheiny




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Aug 18 2019, 4:36 pm
DVOM wrote:
Good morning Ladies!!

My husband has one week left to an internship that has been incredibly difficult. He stuck it out and has been getting great ratings for his work and is very much looking forward to being done.

He needs to review this fieldwork placement and fieldwork supervisor for his school (mandatory) and would like to be honest about the lack of cultural and religious respect he encountered there. He is one of the first religious students his school has ever had, and he knows he has thier respect and good opinion and that his concerns will be taken seriously. He debated filing these complaints with his school during the internship and decided it just wasnt worth the risk of being failed under some pretense.

My husband was consistantly called 'jew-boy' and 'fringes' by his supervisor. He was asked (demanded) to stay looooong past the hours that the school set, and once barely/kind of didn't make it home in time for shabbos. He was asked to weigh in on the type of strippers his supervisor was hiring for her fiance's bachelor party and was berated for politely saying that the topic of conversation made him uncomfortable; that day his supervisor graded him very poorly for work that other professionals (the doctor and PT working with his client) had praised him for.

Is there a way to word all of this tactfully? He (we) would like his school to be aware of what went on, but in truth he (we) are still struggling with whether or not it's worth it to make waves about all this.


There’s no question you should be reporting the anti Semitism! You shouldn’t be worried about tact at this point, your dh should’ve sued for harassment based on his religion!!!
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iyar




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Aug 18 2019, 6:20 pm
DVOM wrote:
Thank you all for your replies. You've given us a lot to think about.

My husband will definitely not be taking any sort of action until his schooling is complete and this can't come back to bite him in any way.

Another point to ponder:

These comments are part of a larger culture in this facility of racism and bigotry. My husband has a very thick skin. While he knows that the comments directed towards him are wrong and would like to do something about it, it hasn't touched him in any deep or painful way. What has very siriously disturbed him is the comments and actions directed at the mostly elderly clients he is working with. The core group of old time staff members show thier distain for black and hispanic patients by word and action, and any staff member who does not join them is treated coldly. His supervisor's anomosity towards him began with his refusal to join in this sort of 'playful' banter and behavior. His supervisor literally told him: the amount of thought, energy and compassion DH was putting into treating these patients is 'making me look bad' and that he doesn't need to work too hard for these types of people.


Your point to ponder is terrible.
I guess you’re not comfortable answering the question I asked you earlier about where you live.
Your dh sounds like a good person, wishing him success in whatever he does.
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DVOM




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Aug 18 2019, 6:50 pm
iyar wrote:
Your point to ponder is terrible.
I guess you’re not comfortable answering the question I asked you earlier about where you live.
Your dh sounds like a good person, wishing him success in whatever he does.


Just read back to your other post. Sorry, iyar. I'd rather not.
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nanny24/7




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Aug 18 2019, 8:29 pm
I have what to say but don't want to publicly post.
Feel free to PM me.
OP so sorry for everything you and your DH have been through.
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Boobasheli




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Aug 18 2019, 11:18 pm
OOTforlife wrote:
I'm really sorry your husband experienced this.

It does seem like the school should be aware of these things. At the same time, I'm not familiar with the field your husband is in, how small the professional world is in your location, and what kind of consequences might follow even the politest of negative reports. Does his school keep reviews like this confidential? By official policy and in reality?

Another option to think about: is there a way he can either delay his review until after he secures his full time job for after graduation or supplement his review after securing that full time job?

In terms of wording, I think your post wording is pretty reasonable and neutrally descriptive. I suggest bullet points for the individual incidents that occurred for easier comprehension.


I agree with this. Perhaps you can write the letter now while the information is fresh in your memory. Then, when he secures a position after graduation, you can email the letter.
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simba




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Aug 19 2019, 12:06 am
Religious discrimination is illegal.Chaim Book is a great employment attorney. I would call and hear what he has to say.
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