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Kid asked why so much divorce in my family

 
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 9:59 am
There is a lot of divorce in my family. My parents are divorced (one has been divorced several times). My parents both have multiple siblings who are divorced, a couple of my cousins are divorced. One of set of my grandparents divorced (long before I was born). I grew up very aware of my family's issues and made my own mental health a priority and make sure I have healthy relationships in life. I have my issues and some diagnosed mental illnesses, but I am treated for them and bh I'm in a happy, healthy marriage.

So, after hearing of yet another soon-to-be divorce on my side of the family, my eight year old son asked me why there's so much divorce in my family. I just told him I'm not sure because other people's marriages are none of our business. I don't want to speak badly about people he loves and cares about and talk about all the dysfunction and mental illness going on. I don't know how much he really accepted my answer. It definitely is jarring that my family is so messed up and obviously he notices it (though only fairly recently. And my younger kids haven't picked up on it yet). Not sure how to handle this topic going forward.
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amother




Lavender


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 11:22 am
He may also be looking to get confirmation that you guys don't plan to get divorced. I think your answer was great. I would just consider adding some positive aspect of your marriage to provide some reassurance to him that your marriage is strong and unlikely to dissolve. Maybe in the next couple of weeks drop some subtle hints into conversation.
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salt




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Aug 25 2019, 10:15 pm
If a kid asks me a question that I don't have a good answer to I usually start by "that's an excellent question". At least start there.
And as previous poster said, reassure him that it is unlikely to happen to you.
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amother




Chocolate


Post  Mon, Aug 26 2019, 5:14 am
Yeah, we also have a lot of divorce, which my older kids are beginning to pick up on. It's sad, and I don't have a great answer or way to handle it.
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urban gypsy




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Aug 26 2019, 9:20 am
OMG I don't know what to do about this either. I just got divorced and that was the first my children had ever heard of divorce. There is a lot of divorce all around them and I haven't told them that my parents were divorced yet (my father is dead so they never met him) My small kids worry that they are going to grow up to be divorced too. I don't know how to comfort them about this while also affirming the importance of both staying married and divorcing if a marriage is bad.
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PinkFridge




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Aug 26 2019, 12:01 pm
urban gypsy wrote:
OMG I don't know what to do about this either. I just got divorced and that was the first my children had ever heard of divorce. There is a lot of divorce all around them and I haven't told them that my parents were divorced yet (my father is dead so they never met him) My small kids worry that they are going to grow up to be divorced too. I don't know how to comfort them about this while also affirming the importance of both staying married and divorcing if a marriage is bad.


Hugs to everyone.
I'm throwing out a thought that might encourage someone. Even divorced families can model sholom bayis - the children with the custodial parent, the parents ideally working together with the children's best interests in mind. Finding mentors for kids is always great if appropriate. Assure your kids that they can and will grow up with a clear model of sholom and how it gives a home bracha and that they will have the skills they need to build their own homes. (And that they are still living in a bayis ne'eman b'Yisrael, even if not configurated...can I say optimally? I hpe you know what I mean.)
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