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Requesting payment on borrowed money
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 3:56 pm
Sticky situations...

Dad borrowed money, said he will give it back at end of week... never heard from him.


Different time and different circumstance.
Friend requested to borrow money just for a month...never heard from her.

Dad, I know he has financial hardships, how often do I request? I did ask him 10 days later, he said “working on it.”

Friend, how often do I bug her?

Question. Why am I running after people to return money?
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amother




Mistyrose


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 4:02 pm
we've lent out a lot of money. I find that those that we've "offered" money to are on top of paying back. the one who took it for granted that we would pay out, we need to chase after...
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creditcards




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 4:14 pm
This is what I learned the hard way.
When lending money to anyone close to you only lend the amount you are ok with never getting back.
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 4:38 pm
So here is my question, should I not ask for the money at all?
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ra_mom




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 4:40 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
So here is my question, should I not ask for the money at all?

Of course you should ask for it. Don't feel bad for a second.

But please learn for next time. Not worth it to lend. So much aggravation. Sad If you feel like someone really needs it, and you can afford to part with the money, just gift it.
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amother




Mistyrose


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 4:46 pm
when it was 5 dollars I dropped it but if its a large amount I will definitely ask for it back. someone who will borrow and not pay back is not a friend I want. I rather lend and be able to help out responsible people who it will help and lose irresponsible friends along the way..
parent is more complicated
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 4:57 pm
Ok.
Thank you all for helping me sort this out.

I don’t need the money back emergency. Yet, I don’t want them to think I forgot about and then they in turn could forget about it.

So how often to I request the money?
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creditcards




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 5:18 pm
From my father I wouldn't ask it back. When I lend him money I only lend small amounts and I tell him I'm not keeping track of it. He should remember to pay back himself because I won't ask for it. He always did until now. But I would never ask him to if he wouldn't.
Other people I do ask them to give it back. I know in back of my mind that if they don't repay me I will live with it. That comes along with lending money to people. I don't lend with the intentions gifting it but I remember in back of my mind that its a possibility and lend accordingly.


Last edited by creditcards on Wed, Aug 21 2019, 7:24 pm; edited 1 time in total
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singleagain




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 5:27 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Ok.
Thank you all for helping me sort this out.

I don’t need the money back emergency. Yet, I don’t want them to think I forgot about and then they in turn could forget about it.

So how often to I request the money?


Why not tell them "I need it back by this and such date" and get it in writing. That you each have a copy
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 5:41 pm
That’s a great idea, give them a deadline.

Thing is, they both blew the first deadline
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amother




Sapphire


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 5:44 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
That’s a great idea, give them a deadline.

Thing is, they both blew the first deadline


perhaps they both overestimated their ability to pay it back.

Don't give a deadline - Just ask when they expect to be able to have the money back - and let them know you'll follow up on that date.

I would personally forgive my father the loan.
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amother




Seashell


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 6:04 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Sticky situations...

Dad borrowed money, said he will give it back at end of week... never heard from him.


Different time and different circumstance.
Friend requested to borrow money just for a month...never heard from her.

Dad, I know he has financial hardships, how often do I request? I did ask him 10 days later, he said “working on it.”

Friend, how often do I bug her?

Question. Why am I running after people to return money?


Your dad borrowed money? and you’re running after him? Leave him alone!
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veiznisht




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 7:14 pm
There's actually some pretty clear-cut halachas about this that aren't common-sense. I don't know if you are actually allowed to bug them about payment... ask your LOR.
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tweety1




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 8:55 pm
amother [ Seashell ] wrote:
Your dad borrowed money? and you’re running after him? Leave him alone!

Btdt! It's not always so black n white. It's a sticky situation.
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tweety1




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 8:58 pm
My dh borrowed his friend $2000 a few years back cuz he was in the beginning of a new job and in bind, We have to be Dan l'kaf zchus, but he was running after him for like 2 yrs at least like a nut, then this friend bought a house.... It's sucks. Eventually we got our money back, but he made us feel like 2 cents, like he's doing us a favor and being so nice by returning the money.
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oliveoil




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 11:40 pm
tweety1 wrote:
My dh borrowed his friend $2000


Lent
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southernbubby




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 12:00 am
If you are serious about ever seeing your money again, have the borrower sign a contract in the presence of witnesses stating that it will be repaid in the presence of witnesses and state that something of value will be collateral. This drives home that the loan is not "friendly" but is business. Have it stated in writing that you are allowed to pursue repayment.
With a parent, consider the unpaid loan tzedukah and give it to him rather than another cause. You are obligated to first help your parents and other causes are way down the list.
You don't have to borrow money to lend money and the mitzvah to lend is in regards to liquid cash or check. In other words, if you don't have the money you are not obligated to lend it. Ask a Rav before lending any significant amount of money so that you have a clear halachic way to retrieve it. I was also told that you don't have to remove the money from an interest bearing account in order to lend it.
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amother




OP


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 10:00 am
amother [ Seashell ] wrote:
Your dad borrowed money? and you’re running after him? Leave him alone!



In theory you are right.


And he has borrowed money from me in the past, that he still did not repay. (And May never.)

Given the surrounding circumstances of this money, for a store inventory that HAS money, I feel I could ask.

And here is my concern that he uses me as his pocket change.
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amother




Tan


Post  Sun, Sep 01 2019, 12:55 pm
I've borrowed money out of sheer desperation and been unable to pay back in a timely fashion.
It cost me more sleepless nights than the lender.

I may or may not have done/bought items during the loan time that the lender may think is frivolous/unnecessary or otherwise.

You don't always know the whole picture.

Maybe buying a house was their only option at the time due to various circumstances.
Maybe expected money never materialized?

Mayne their employers are late yet agin with paychecks and the home slyer/mortgage wasn't going to wait and this is what made the most financial sense for them?

Maybe that small tiny luxury they bought was after a devastating miscarriage or other health issue you know nothing about?

I just borrowed money from someone to help my parents, my parents don't know money was borrowed and the lender doesn't know it wasn't for me. I plan on paying it back and not getting from my Parents.

I've also been a lender and understand that I can only lend what I can afford not to get back, such is life.
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Brachie69




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 01 2019, 1:01 pm
Our rule of thumb is to always view a loan similar to tzedakah as something that will never be repaid. Obviously keep on trying nicely to collect but much safer to only lend amounts that won't bother you too much if they don't come back.
Many people who need to borrow have difficult situations that don't change or go away for years.
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