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Teenage daughter is extremely self absorbed
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 9:02 pm
I worry that this isn't a passing phase. We give her a lot and all she does is complain and ask for more. I barely get a thank you for large luxury items and experiences. More experienced Ima's, did you go through this? How did you handle it? Did u lower your expectations?
I would love some sound advice.
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Jewishfoodie




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 9:04 pm
(then I'll be quiet. I'm terrible with sound advice..)
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 10:00 pm
Jewishfoodie wrote:
(then I'll be quiet. I'm terrible with sound advice..)

Haha! C'mon...give me some of your pearls of wisdom!
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amother




Powderblue


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 10:01 pm
Is this new or has it been a pattern for a long time?
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 10:03 pm
amother [ Powderblue ] wrote:
Is this new or has it been a pattern for a long time?

She has always been attention needy but was definitely more appreciative when she was younger. This sense of entitlement started this year. Shes 16.
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amother




Powderblue


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 10:07 pm
Does she seem depressed besides for this? Is she going through anything difficult socially?
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 10:11 pm
She doesn't seem depressed, just moody and sometimes miserable. Socially, she has good and bad times. I sometimes wonder if she struggles socially because she talks about herself so much...
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amother




Red


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 10:12 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
She has always been attention needy but was definitely more appreciative when she was younger. This sense of entitlement started this year. Shes 16.

How many kids do you have? Is she the oldest? Youngest? Are any of the other kids or family members dealing with disabilities or illness? How is she doing in school? Does she have friends? Do they do things that you cant afford for her to do? Does she dress differently than them? In what way is she "attention needy? What kind of luxury things do you give her and why do you expect your own daughter to thank you for these things?
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amother




Powderblue


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 10:13 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
She doesn't seem depressed, just moody and sometimes miserable. Socially, she has good and bad times. I sometimes wonder if she struggles socially because she talks about herself so much...


What do you mean by the bolded? It seems contradictory.
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 10:27 pm
Teenagers can be moody. It's not an immediate assumption of depression
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 10:30 pm
amother [ Red ] wrote:
How many kids do you have? 3
Is she the oldest? Yes
Youngest?
Are any of the other kids or family members dealing with disabilities or illness? No
How is she doing in school? Top student Does she have friends? Yes
Do they do things that you cant afford for her to do? Same
Does she dress differently than them? No
In what way is she "attention needy? She needs to talk about herself all the time
What kind of luxury things do you give her and why do you expect your own daughter to thank you for these things? A car, overseas trips. Expensive clothing. Vacations. These things are not standard and she should appreciate it more.
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amother




Powderblue


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 10:55 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Teenagers can be moody. It's not an immediate assumption of depression


No, but you wrote she's also sometimes miserable. How often is she miserable?
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amother




Red


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 11:03 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
How many kids do you have? 3
Is she the oldest? Yes
Youngest?
Are any of the other kids or family members dealing with disabilities or illness? No
How is she doing in school? Top student Does she have friends? Yes
Do they do things that you cant afford for her to do? Same
Does she dress differently than them? No
In what way is she "attention needy? She needs to talk about herself all the time
What kind of luxury things do you give her and why do you expect your own daughter to thank you for these things? A car, overseas trips. Expensive clothing. Vacations. These things are not standard and she should appreciate it more.

She does the same things that her friends do and dresses like them but somehow what you give her is not standard? Or are you saying that her friends dont have cars and dont go on vacations/overseas trips?
So many mothers would want their teenage daughters to open up about themselves and talk to them but it seems like you dont have the patience to deal with her and just want her to take the expensive items and just thank you and move on but that is not a real relationship and she is sensing it and wants more from you. What kind of things is she saying about herself? Does she speak about other things with you or only about herself? Do you ask her anything about herself or does she bring it up on her own? What kind of relationship does she have with her younger siblings? What kind of relationship does she have with her father?
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naturalmom5




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 11:05 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I worry that this isn't a passing phase. We give her a lot and all she does is complain and ask for more. I barely get a thank you for large luxury items and experiences. More experienced Ima's, did you go through this? How did you handle it? Did u lower your expectations?
I would love some sound advice.
know
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 11:36 pm
Natural mom, lol!!!! You hear me, huh??
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Aug 21 2019, 11:40 pm
amother [ Red ] wrote:
She does the same things that her friends do and dresses like them but somehow what you give her is not standard? Or are you saying that her friends dont have cars and dont go on vacations/overseas trips?
So many mothers would want their teenage daughters to open up about themselves and talk to them but it seems like you dont have the patience to deal with her and just want her to take the expensive items and just thank you and move on but that is not a real relationship and she is sensing it and wants more from you. What kind of things is she saying about herself? Does she speak about other things with you or only about herself? Do you ask her anything about herself or does she bring it up on her own? What kind of relationship does she have with her younger siblings? What kind of relationship does she have with her father?


Amother red, you seem pretty upset by my post. Does it trigger something for you?
I'm not sure why you have so many questions and criticisms.
Also, why are you assuming we don't have a solid relationship? My post doesn't discuss anything other than dealing with one specific character trait.
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amother




Burgundy


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 12:07 am
Giving more and more doesn't create grateful kids. The opposite.
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amother




Burgundy


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 12:08 am
amother [ Red ] wrote:
She does the same things that her friends do and dresses like them but somehow what you give her is not standard? Or are you saying that her friends dont have cars and dont go on vacations/overseas trips?
So many mothers would want their teenage daughters to open up about themselves and talk to them but it seems like you dont have the patience to deal with her and just want her to take the expensive items and just thank you and move on but that is not a real relationship and she is sensing it and wants more from you. What kind of things is she saying about herself? Does she speak about other things with you or only about herself? Do you ask her anything about herself or does she bring it up on her own? What kind of relationship does she have with her younger siblings? What kind of relationship does she have with her father?


Not everything is reflective of your experience, k?

Way to make ridiculous assumptions! Omg.
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amother




Violet


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 12:11 am
This might be an unpopular opinion, but I think it's pretty common behavior for teenagers and most grow out of it when they finish puberty. Personally I wouldn't be overly concerned. I would put my foot down, and set boundaries but I would ignore it for the most part.
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amother




Wheat


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 12:11 am
OP, I'm not commenting on your daughter or her specific situation. My kids are little and I really don't know what I'd do with that concern.

I just want to point out that this is an increasingly common phenomenon for teenagers nowadays. They take more and more for granted. The expectations for parents to fulfill have become absolutely astronomical. They think it's standard because "everyone does it."

I saw this difference from when I was a teenager to my sisters, who are 7 and 10 years younger than I am (teenagers now). The expectations are insane. The level of entitlement is ever-growing.
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