Home

Got a reputation at work....(long)
1, 2  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Working Women

View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Poll

Would you bend the rules for a Jewish client?
yes
 18%  [ 11 ]
no
 81%  [ 47 ]
Total Votes : 58


amother




OP


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 10:27 am
Hi Everyone,

I work at a govt run organization. We have all types of clients and regulars and an interesting range of people. We're located near a Jewish community and therefore have some Jewish clients and pop-ins as well (definitely not the majority but a nice amount). I have a fantastic manager, it's a great atmosphere, and I'm happy to be here every day.
Lately I've heard thru the grapevine that I got kind of a reputation of being known as a b**** between our Jewish regulars. When I asked around a bit I realized that it's because I'm a stickler for rules and refuse to bend any for any clients, regardless if they're Jewish. I'm grateful for my job and refuse to bend rules even if technically my manager would just look the other way.
To make matters worse, one of my colleagues that are here for a way longer time than me keeps making nasty comments about why I put the rules before helping another Jew.
I just don't see why they should get preferred treatment, I treat all clients equally as I'm professionally expected to do.
I thought after a while people will respect me for up-keeping rules but it seems to just keep getting worse.
Thoughts?
Back to top

amother




Lilac


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 10:31 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Hi Everyone,

I work at a govt run organization. We have all types of clients and regulars and an interesting range of people. We're located near a Jewish community and therefore have some Jewish clients and pop-ins as well (definitely not the majority but a nice amount). I have a fantastic manager, it's a great atmosphere, and I'm happy to be here every day.
Lately I've heard thru the grapevine that I got kind of a reputation of being known as a b**** between our Jewish regulars. When I asked around a bit I realized that it's because I'm a stickler for rules and refuse to bend any for any clients, regardless if they're Jewish. I'm grateful for my job and refuse to bend rules even if technically my manager would just look the other way.
To make matters worse, one of my colleagues that are here for a way longer time than me keeps making nasty comments about why I put the rules before helping another Jew.
I just don't see why they should get preferred treatment, I treat all clients equally as I'm professionally expected to do.
I thought after a while people will respect me for up-keeping rules but it seems to just keep getting worse.
Thoughts?

no, dont bend the rules for the Jewish clients as that will get you into trouble and you can be fired and held liable for your actions. I dont know what kind of office this is but lets say its Snap and all clients have to provide documents to prove income, you cant just allow the Jewish clients not to provide their documents just because they want the food stamps as that will be aiding and abetting and you can be charged as an accessory to the crime. Again, I dont know what office you are talking about but definitely stick to your guns and follow the laws to protect yourself from any harm.
Back to top

amother




Mistyrose


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 10:33 am
If you don't follow the rules, you may get officially reprimanded or end up losing your job. So which is more important to you??
Back to top

amother




Bronze


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 10:38 am
I'm in a similar position and once had someone make a big deal about the fact he was Jewish to get better treatment. He was secular and he wanted something that I couldn't legally do. I felt like throwing the book at him, but just ignored him when he says it.
Back to top

amother




OP


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 10:43 am
OP here- I would not get into trouble technically unless we had inspection the day I do it because it would be discrimination against the people who aren't getting it. It's a non profit and there wouldn't be any paper trail if I help them. My other 3 Jewish colleagues do it, so I also feel like they can get what they need from them, they mostly get upset when the other women ' there and they have to deal with me. It sucks feeling like their last option but I get why.
It's little things, say we're giving out free sweatshirts one day they want me to give them first, or if we have a class going on they want me to save them front seats, just general preferential treatment. It can also be slightly bigger things like giving them advance notice when we're having cool programs so they make sure to come that day.
Not big things like approving them for things they don't qualify for.
Back to top

librarygirl




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 10:46 am
There is a difference between upholding the rules for everyone and having such a reputation. Sadly there are Jews who feel they have to prove they are not biased toward their own, who are harder to deal with than non Jews
Back to top

amother




Orange


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 10:48 am
I work in healthcare and I often have the same experience on the part of the Jewish patients wanting perks/to bend the rules because I am frum.
My not frum coworker, works both with me, and at a separate location in Rockland, where she has a "Chassidish" coworker, a "real Orthodox woman with a heavy shaital"(her discription). She tells me, that This woman shows favoritism to the orthodox patients and that is such an embarrassment, (as a Jewish person) in front of all the other coworkers who talk about it, and she sees how it fosters anti-semitism.
Back to top

amother




Cerise


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 10:55 am
Do you really have rules about all those things, or is some of it rules and some of it you not wanting to show preferential treatment? A real rule should not be broken unless your supervisor gives you discretion to do so. I don't think it's so terrible to have relationships with some people which allows them minor benefits like giving them a heads up about a program before it's officially advertised. That's what happens in any business.
Back to top

singleagain




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 11:02 am
I think it's more wrong for the people to give you a label for sticking to the rules.

I would absolutely stick to the rules, even in a situation like that.

I work in a grocery store and I don't have the authority to give you something for free or get you a discount without talking to the manger. Some things are just not in your purview
Back to top

amother




OP


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 11:12 am
It's a combination of breaking rules set by the govt-such as no removing library things from the building, even if "I'll bring it right back, I promise" and just wanting preferential treatment. Most of the Hispanics, Chinese, and Italian clients wouldn't dream of asking for these favors. Not because they're any better, but because they know we try to follow the rules.
Minor relationships which allow for minor favors can quickly escalate, I make sure to have a professional front. Experience has proven that small talk usually ends up meaning they want something. I've even had a client ask me to take something overseas for her when she heard I'll be traveling. Need to keep professional.
Also, as someone said, favors such as giving them always the front seats definitely leads to anti-semitism.
Back to top

amother




Cerise


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 11:21 am
It's fine to stick to rules. I wonder if you put up a bit of a cold front in an effort to keep people from expecting too much. Maybe that's what they mean?
Back to top

amother




Taupe


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 11:45 am
Yes you should follow the rules with kindness. But treat everyone the same. Don't be stricter to your own kind to prove a point.

For example, at the board of ed in Brooklyn, I was always treated more kindly by the non-jewish workers. I am not a pushy person. The frum women were much stricter and unfeeling for no reason. I was quiet and respectful. No need to come on so strong from the get go.
Back to top

amother




Navy


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 1:17 pm
I also work for a govt agency. I try to give the frum jobs to other people to keep myself honest and not be tempted to go easier on frum people. My responsibility is to uphold the Dina demalchuta no matter who is involved. Although I don’t think of it in these terms, just think of the chilul Hashem if I made headlines “Orthodox Amother Charged with Bending Rules for Orthodox Clients”.

Be strong, OP. If you don’t have the luxury of choosing your cases and delegating the frum ones elsewhere, just remember that your frum clients who want you to bend rules won’t come to your defense if you’re caught. Maybe print out a large banner that says “Dina Demalchuta Dina. Please don’t ask me to bend the rules for you.” and post it prominently near your desk.
Back to top

FranticFrummie




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 1:22 pm
Trust your gut and do what you think is right.

Stick with your integrity, and you can't go wrong. Don't let anyone try to drag down your reputation and dignity. As long as you are honest and hard working, that's all that matters.

If it compromises your job, then you don't want to work there anyway. (I know, easier said than done, but at the end of the day you still have to live with yourself.)
Back to top

chestnut




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 3:29 pm
amother [ Cerise ] wrote:
I don't think it's so terrible to have relationships with some people which allows them minor benefits like giving them a heads up about a program before it's officially advertised. That's what happens in any business.

Business, not in a non profit. Non profit has to give the same opportunities for all.
Back to top

chestnut




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 3:32 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
It's a combination of breaking rules set by the govt-such as no removing library things from the building, even if "I'll bring it right back, I promise" and just wanting preferential treatment. Most of the Hispanics, Chinese, and Italian clients wouldn't dream of asking for these favors. Not because they're any better, but because they know we try to follow the rules.
Minor relationships which allow for minor favors can quickly escalate, I make sure to have a professional front. Experience has proven that small talk usually ends up meaning they want something. I've even had a client ask me to take something overseas for her when she heard I'll be traveling. Need to keep professional.
Also, as someone said, favors such as giving them always the front seats definitely leads to anti-semitism.

You could still smile and be warm while not extending those favors
Back to top

rainbow dash




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 3:38 pm
No you don't have to bend the rules for people who feel entitled to everything.
Back to top

Optione




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 7:11 pm
My instinct says no. Ask a Rav.
Back to top

SuperWify




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 7:20 pm
I had a frum case manager once. She was new and trying so hard to prove she could do it that she was inflexible in every single area. Even the non Jewish therapists were frustrated with her inflexibility and rigidity.

OP I’m not sure in what ways your inflexible but reevaluate and see where you can legally be more kind and understanding.
Back to top

gande




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Aug 22 2019, 7:31 pm
Sometimes being too straight is very frustrating and off putting. For example if I came to an appointment 16 minutes late and the receptionist doesnt let me in because the limit is 15 minutes the yes she's a b*tch. Or if I bought the wrong type of bill (cc vs electric)to confirm residency for a program renewal (not apply) I feel there is place for rachmunis and bending the rules as long as nothing cheating or fraud is going on.
Being friendly should not make people take more advantage of you. They will understand that what you are doing/saying is good for them and not because you are a bitter/nasty person.
Back to top
1, 2  Next Recent Topics

Page 1 of 2 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Working Women

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Exploring field of social work
by renapl
1 Mon, Sep 16 2019, 2:43 pm View last post
Wig grips that aren't so long?
by amother
4 Mon, Sep 16 2019, 11:52 am View last post
Orthotics in Brooklyn or long island
by amother
6 Wed, Sep 11 2019, 9:58 am View last post
How long should it take a cleaning lady? 9 Mon, Sep 09 2019, 1:35 pm View last post
by keym
How long does formula stay fresh
by amother
1 Mon, Sep 09 2019, 9:44 am View last post

Jump to: