Does your DH know when its Rosh Chodesh Bentching and tell ?

amother

Pearl

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 9:57 am

I don't know if my husband knows or not, but he doesn't tell me. I usually look at the calendar hanging on my wall in the kitchen and I see for myself. Growing up my father always told my mother and since I already had bad feelings towards my father from the way he treated her, I was annoyed that he told her. Now I understand that probably my mother appreciated it because I would also. I didn't always pay attention to the calendar and wished my husband told me, but I never asked him, so I can't blame him.

This past week I told him Wink

because he didn't go to shul because he was sick.

JoyInTheMorning

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 10:19 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Same here and this is worked out to the day and minute, 3-6 months in advance.

Btw, if Rosh Chodesh had fallen out on Sunday only, then Rosh Chodesh bentching would be the following week.

I think we both didnt expect Rosh Chodesh bentching to be in August, knowing that Yom Tov is pretty far off this year (not right after the summer).

But thanks all, I accomplished something with this thread. I see most everyone here would NEVER miss a Rosh Chodesh bentching and ill clean up my act iyH.

OP, I knew even as I was writing my posts that I would come off sounding self-righteous and preachy. I decided to post anyway because I do think it's just one of those things that are easy to do once you get into the routine, so it's worth it to bring it up.

It's a weird cultural thing. Now that I think about it, my mom had a wall calendar hanging off a hook in the kitchen. It had all the information she'd ever need. But I do remember quarrels that she had with my father about his not telling her that it was going to be Rosh Chodesh bentschen. As if she couldn't read it by herself. (This is someone who speaks many languages, including Hebrew.)

We Jewish frum women have often been encouraged to act like passive children in many ways. It's not a good thing, is what I am saying. It certainly isn't part of our religion. But so easy to change.

amother

Lilac

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 10:32 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Trying to understand this. 'Jewish' months are shorter than the months of a 'secular' calendar. How would you have a full August without a new month at least approaching?

JoyInTheMorning

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 10:37 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Btw, if Rosh Chodesh had fallen out on Sunday only, then Rosh Chodesh bentching would be the following week.

They didn't teach this to us when I was in school, and I don't think it's in the curriculum of most schools, but it should be, for both boys and girls.

Av always has 30 days. So Elul, since it follows Av, will always have two days of Rosh Chodesh. (30th of last month, and 1st of new month.)

See https://www.timeanddate.com/ca......html and also https://www.chabad.org/library.....o.htm

Why did they keep this a secret from us? Annoying in retrospect, isn't it, once you find out how easy it is to keep track?

ora_43

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 1:01 pm

JoyInTheMorning wrote:

Who said there's a connection between the skills? I just said that it's important to know the dates.

OP and an earlier poster (one of the amothers) both said they thought it was especially strange that her dh would forget, seeing as he learns and gives shiurim. That's what I was responding to. Learning is one skill, teaching is another, remembering the precise date (/upcoming important dates in general) is a third.

(as opposed to the approximate date; I agree with whoever said it that most frum Jews would know that)

amother

Khaki

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 2:07 pm

I don't go to shul because I have young kids who aren't mature enough to behave appropriately in shul. Happens to be that just this week dh could not go to shul and I was the one who told him the upcoming dates of rosh chodesh. He is extremely learned, has smicha, gives shiurim, etc. He is not a calendar person though. No connection.

Iymnok

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 2:26 pm

We change our seating arrangement for the shabbos table on shabbos mevarchim. Thus the entire family counts down. This week was confusing since Elul is a two day Rosh Chodesh that is shabbos/Sunday. It just feels early. I don’t bentch the chodesh unless I’m in Shul for it. It seems that there is a minhag to do it at home. It’s really just a Zecher.

cbsp

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 2:46 pm

JoyInTheMorning wrote:

I don't think anyone is keeping anything a secret deliberately. Actually, I remember learning it in Yahadus and yediyos klaliyos at the same time as "lo ad"u Rosh" and "lo b" du Pesach" (Rosh Hashana can't start on Sunday, Wednesday, Friday and Pesach can't start on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday).

A "trick" to knowing when Rosh chodesh will be is that it's always consecutive. So since Rosh chodesh Av was Friday, Elul would have to be at least Shabbos (and if you knew Av is 30 days, then Sunday) so Shabbos mevorchim had to be yesterday. (even if you didn't know about Av being 30 days, I did know that the Tishrei yomim tovim are all Monday - Tuesday this year, so that would mean Rosh chodesh Elul needed to include Sunday as well)

amother

Mistyrose

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 3:22 pm

Dh and I are both adults. We know how to read B”H and we have a Hebrew calendar right on the fridge. Anyone wants to know anything about the Jewish date, it’s right there. Why would I expect my dh to tell me?

The only reason we’d have to discuss the calendar at all would be to make plans like “RH is in three weeks, should we invite anyone?”

amother

Mistyrose

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 3:29 pm

Enlighten an ignorant person:
1. Why does a dh have to tell his wife about Rosh chodesh benching and
2. What does knowing when Rosh Chodesh **benching** is have to do with vestos? Don’t you have a Hebrew calendar that tells you the Hebrew date? Say you know that this week is Rosh Chodesh benching, if you’re not in shul for the announcement, how does that help you?

amother

Linen

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 6:59 pm

When I am in shul and hear birkat hachodesh, they announce the days, so there’s that.

Also, I say the daily Chumash, tehillim, Tanya, so I am aware of the date (bookmark is always in the right place) by early morning even if I may have forgotten it overnight. Can’t recommend it enough!

Finally, I am very on top of knowing when to acknowledge everyone’s birthdays/yahrtzeits/anniversaries, so I have to be aware of the month and days therein.

My husband knows when it’s RC but doesn’t remind me because between the two of us, I’m the date savant. Wink

cbsp

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 8:11 pm

amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:

Are you asking about the announcement of the molad? Good question.

I was told that as a married woman "ishto k'gufo" so it's ok for me to say it at home as long as I know they've already said it in our shul.

I think there was a similar rationale when I was single (if my shul had already announced it I was covered) - or maybe I had to make it my business to find out what had been announced once the men came home from shul and only then say it?

mamallama

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 8:45 pm

When I was younger my father always told me when it was RC benching. When I got married I asked my husband to remind me about it, and in the beginning he forgot a few times, but now he does it every time. I don't go to shul and I rarely use a Jewish calendar, so I really appreciate the reminder!

JoyInTheMorning

Mon, Aug 26 2019, 12:20 am

cbsp wrote:

You know, you're right; I was probably absent that day. My school was big on yediyos klaliyos, so we must have learned it at some point. However, it probably was not stressed (how many days could I have been absent?), which is why I wound up learning it on my own.

But if so many women here don't know, then it's probably because it's not emphasized enough in school.

amother

Ruby

Mon, Aug 26 2019, 1:50 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

How often do you check the calendar? Every Friday? Because even if you check the calendar in the beginning of the week, you may not remember on Shabbos.

How do you not look at your calendar Friday morning to know what time Shabbos starts?