Does your DH know when its Rosh Chodesh Bentching and tell ?

zaq

Mon, Aug 26 2019, 6:08 am

shmosmom wrote:

I don't understand or relate to this whole wall calendar thing, I'm always using my phone calendar for appointments and it's not preset with any holidays, I look those up when I know it's upcoming
Husband never mentions Rosh Chodesh. Once my child starts school I'll probably know more about it, maybe if there's a school calendar or something like that.

Seriously? You don’t have a Hebrew calendar? Whyever not? Most people I know get more than they can use from all the different tzedakas. How do you know when the yomtovim are and when to light candles? Ask your shul secretary—most Shuls have some sort of calendar they can give out. And start giving tzedaka to more organizations—many send out calendars this time of year.

JoyInTheMorning

Mon, Aug 26 2019, 7:58 am

Shmosmom, you can make your own calendar online and print it out with more or less information. I don't know where you live, but I prepared a calendar for 5780 for Brooklyn, NY, which you can download and print out here: https://www.hebcal.com/hebcal/.....endar

It starts giving information for September 29, which is when Erev Rosh Hashanah is this year. Scroll down to see all the information it gives. It doesn't identify the Shabbos before Rosh Chodesh, but it's pretty easy to figure that out.

You can go to the general page here https://www.hebcal.com/hebcal/ and customize to give more information (Daf Yomi, e.g.), or to give you the time for Havdalah according to your minhag. (This version gives you Havdalah 50 minutes after sunset.)

Zaq, I live OOT, and I have not seen free Jewish calendars around. Even the banks don't have them. The shuls email out a weekly sheet with information about candlelighting and havdalah times, parasha, etc. For the rest of the information, we either print out Jewish calendars, or buy them, or figure it out in our heads.

Last edited by JoyInTheMorning on Mon, Aug 26 2019, 8:01 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Mistyrose

Mon, Aug 26 2019, 7:58 am

Enlighten me further. What’s the big deal with RC benching? I don’t see any threads asking if your dh reminds you that it’s a fast day approaching, even a minor one. I don’t see any threads asking does your dh remind you about any obscure minor observance like Yom Kippur Karan. Or your parents’ Yahrzeit or Rosh Chodesh, or reminding you to say yaale veyavo and Hallel for that matter. So why the hysteria about RC benching? And why not do you have to depend on your dh to keep you appraised of this? Just how advanced a formal Jewish education do you need to be able to read a Jewish calendar? Why the dependence on your dh for something so trivial? Someone please explain.

JoyInTheMorning

Mon, Aug 26 2019, 8:22 am

amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:

I think it's cultural. My mother originally comes from a chassidish-lite family (galitzyaner, some chassidish minhagim, nusach ha'ari, and davening in a shtibel, but no levush at all, not even a gartel during davening) and there was no expectation that women would go to shul on Shabbos. Most women went to shul on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, to say Yizkor, and for Rosh Chodesh bentsching. This last was considered reasonably important for women, because of the kabbalistic connections between being a woman and Rosh Chodesh. Furthermore, there was an assumption that as a whole women were ignorant and couldn't figure out when Rosh Chodesh was going to come. So I guess it was expected that husbands would tell their wives about it.

As for minor fast days: women from that community rarely fasted. As for ya'aleh v'yavo on Rosh Chodesh: when I was a little girl, I only washed before meals, but did not bentsch afterwards except for on Shabbos; I only learned that in school. Most women didn't say anything but brachos in the morning, so Hallel was irrelevant. The shul secretary would let you know about yahrzeits.

It's a weird culture, but I get it because I saw it, although in my school (not Chassidish at all) women's participation in davening was assumed, women fasted, etc.

zaq

Mon, Aug 26 2019, 8:32 am

JoyintheMorning, I love HebCal! I use it at work because we have mandatory training that we sign up for more than a year in advance and naturally I need to know when the chagim are and when candlelighting is so I don’t sign up for a session that will be a problem.

You guys are not giving to the right tzedakas. General Israel Orphan Home for Girls sends out a week-per-page calendar that lists mevarchim hachodesh and even tells you the weekly haftarah (candlelighting for NY printed on the page but there is a table in back for other cities); Agudath Israel even lists the molad (!) and lists the month’s candle lighting for 12 cities in a table on the page. One month per two-page spread and space to jot down appointments or whatever. Ner Israel has a week-on-a-page calendar, not positive it includes mevarchim hachodesh but it probably does.

The calendar mailings are late this year so I don’t have the stack yet to rattle off, but I’ll be happy to check out the calendars I get and let anyone who’s interested know which ones have RC benching. Send them a check, ask them to send you a calendar and you’ll be set for life. Once you get on their mailing list you’re on it forever.

Raisin

Mon, Aug 26 2019, 8:34 am

JoyInTheMorning wrote:

Your local chabad probably prints a calendar.

I live very OOT and our shul prints an annual calendar (also includes community information, phone numbers and kashrut info)

I also use hebcal to print out pages for planning purposes.

amother

Mistyrose

Mon, Aug 26 2019, 8:38 am

JoyInTheMorning wrote:

Thank you for that explanation. Finally it makes sense. But how sad that women are perpetuating that dependence. It really doesn’t take much to read a Jewish calendar. There are even some in Yiddish.

JoyInTheMorning

Mon, Aug 26 2019, 12:51 pm

amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:

Yes, yes! That has been the point of my postings. Not to be holier-than-thou, but just to say: there's no need to be that dependent.

Mon, Aug 26 2019, 1:16 pm

Yes, dh knows when rosh chodesh and rosh chodesh bentching are, but in our family we never developed the practice of him reminding me. Why would he? But if other families like to do it that way, that's fine.

As for keeping track of the Jewish calender, there are many ways: the multitude of calenders that arrive as fundraisers this time of year, online calenders and apps such as Hebcal and Hebdate, the weekly shul bulletin, or adding Jewish info to your secular calendar.

amother

Blush

Mon, Aug 26 2019, 1:23 pm

cm wrote:

I kind of like the custom. I mean we do have calendars (men and women) and yet there is still the announcement in shul.

Why should DH tell his wife? Why should he be told at shul?