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teachkids


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Mon, Aug 26 2019, 8:56 am
Is there another school available? It sounds like this kid needs a fresh start
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Rappel


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Mon, Aug 26 2019, 10:05 am
Can you talk to their mothers? This isn't your DD's problem - it's theirs, and without any past trauma this would still be hurtful, and would still need to stop.
Last edited by Rappel on Mon, Aug 26 2019, 10:58 am; edited 2 times in total
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Chayalle


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Mon, Aug 26 2019, 10:16 am
As a parent, I've found that in many circumstances, I can choose to either escalate a hurtful situation for my kids or diffuse it.
I remember years ago, there were a couple of bullies in the class of one of my DD's, and she used to come home very hurt. I had a friend/neighbor (a good old thick-skinned Israeli Sabra) who taught her daughter to develop a thicker skin, and I learned alot from observing their responses to these bullies. When DD would tell me something hurtful they said, I used to feel that hurt myself and we'd just sit and wallow in the pain of it.
But this other woman taught her daughter clever comebacks, and after a while, those bullies didn't bother that other girl much, as they didn't get much of a rise from doing so.
I remember a situation where some girls made fun of the fact that we lived in a small house. When DD, who by then had been coached to show them she didn't care much, told them that in fact, we put company up on the kitchen table because our house is so small, the whole class laughed with DD, and the bullies were basically left without a punchline.
I have found this to be useful over and over again - I try to teach my girls to desensitize themselves as much as possible. We will encounter some not-so-nice people out there, but we don't have to let it get to us.
It's a life skill that is very, very useful for the future.
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oneofakind


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Mon, Aug 26 2019, 10:37 am
1. get the principal involved.
2. if the mean girls have normal mothers, call them directly. If not, skip this point.
3. I agree with banding the good girls together.
4.I would read The Bystander Effect and Izzy Kalman (he's online) on bullying.
5. Your daughter could be bully proofed. You could read "My Friend the Bully " by Rifka Schoenfeld. with her.
6. Kids who have friends but keep gravitating to the bullies or don't know how to stick with their friends for safety have this thought, "This shouldn't be happening to me".The reality is that it is, so their job is to protect themselves while the grownups should be trying to stop this from happening although it's often not possible because the bullies do it when grownups are not watching.
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