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S/o advice about dress - over/underdressed accidents
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BadTichelDay




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Aug 30 2019, 10:46 am
Seeing that thread about the black dress to a wedding gave me the idea for this one: Has anyone ever been totally over- or underdressed for an occasion, especially if it's an event in a different place or a different kind of frum from your own?

I'll volunteer.
A few years back dh and I got invited to an engagement of some extended family member of dh. We are DL, I didn't know what the people in question exactly were, so I asked my SIL who knew them, what to wear. She said something about them being "just frum" and suggested to wear something nice but not overdone.
I did that. Ouch! Seems that nice but not overdone means very different things to different people. It was a kind of upscale, Israeli yeshivish crowd. Everyone was wearing beautiful, well fitted dresses, mostly in black, with bits of gold or silver or glitter and sheitels. A lot fancier than anything I wear to weddings, let alone an engagement.

I was wearing DL yishuv style, a bit hippie-ish, "nice but not overdone" colored clothes. A pastel green shirt and a flowered ankle length skirt and a flowered brown-black-silver head scarf.
Boy did I stick out. I felt like something from out of the forest. (Okay, in a way I am). Most horrible different sector mistake ever.

Something similar ever happened to you? Totally over- or underdressed or just totally different from the rest?
Share your dress accidents...
LOL Hiding
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tigerwife




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Aug 30 2019, 10:55 am
I can’t remember a specific incident, but experience has taught me to always “over” dress rather than under dress, or in other words, wear something I love and feel amazing in rather than be afraid of being too fancy. Obviously this doesn’t mean wearing a gown to an acquaintance’s wedding. However, instead of figuring out how close I am to the baalas simcha, I just wear wedding style clothes whether it’s a cousin or my daughter’s teacher.
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Rappel




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Aug 30 2019, 11:01 am
I went to an American wedding in Jerusalem. Small crowd, very upscale. In my circles, white is the chagigi colour, so I wore my normal Shabbat cotton and lace, all white outfit. It was only after the wedding ended that I remembered that that was a major faux pas in American circles!

I also remember that two of the ladies spoke to me (notable, at this occasion), and they both were commenting on/complimenting my mitpachat. It was only when I offered to take them to the store where I buy them, and they both got sour looks for a second, that I realized that they were back-handedly making fun of me. After that, I stuck to my baby, and got out of there as soon as we could!
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amother




Orchid


Post  Fri, Aug 30 2019, 11:10 am
I went to my friend's l'chaim upstate. I had never been to a l'chaim before, and I thought it called for nice Shabbos, so I wore a nice Shabbos dress. Most people showed up in nice weekday...
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s c




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Aug 30 2019, 12:45 pm
Went to dh work partners 25 wedding anniversary dinner. Was told it was just a Sunday eve dinner/casual attire. I turned up in a casual/smart jumper and skirt. All the women there were wearing cocktail dresses, high heels- the works. I was too embarrassed to get up from my chair all evening - and we already stuck out a mile because we were the only frum people there with our own specially packaged food served to us. (Not that that part bothered me, just getting the dress code so spectacularly wrong).
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amother




Wine


Post  Fri, Aug 30 2019, 12:56 pm
I once went to a chassidishe wedding in Williamsburg wearing a nice pale green shabbos outfit and realizing when I got there that I was the only one wearing color.
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amother




Emerald


Post  Fri, Aug 30 2019, 1:53 pm
We were invited to a seudas hodaya on the same day as visiting day for our child. We had to go straight from one to the other and it was hard to dress appropriately for both. We tried for a casual but neat look and ended up being woefully underdressed when we showed up and found people in Shabbos clothes. Oh well. The baalei simcha were just happy we made the effort to come.
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icedcoffee




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Aug 30 2019, 1:59 pm
I was invited to a wedding in Lakewood (I'm MO) and really tried to be cognizant about dressing appropriately since I had never been there. I even posted a thread here asking for advice and after people told me there was probably too much collarbone in the dress I was thinking of, and I should wear black, I bought a new high-neck, many-inches-below-the-knee, extremely simple black dress. We got there and the crowd was so not what I expected; turns out the couple isn't from the area, picked the venue location somewhat arbitrarily, and neither of their families were especially religious so there were plenty of miniskirts, exposed shoulders, all the colors of the rainbow, and I was probably among the most covered up women there. It wasn't a big problem or anything, nothing wrong with me being more tznius than usual, but I couldn't help but laugh at how paranoid I was and how much effort I put into buying a brand new outfit when anything in my closet would've been fine.
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amother




Saddlebrown


Post  Fri, Aug 30 2019, 2:07 pm
Typically,if I'm close enough to be invited, I am close enough to ask the baal simcha or someone in the know, what the dress code is. Obviously the week before, they have many other things on their mind, but a few weeks prior (or family/very close friend of it is close) you can usually get a pretty good read.
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DrMom




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Aug 31 2019, 1:34 pm
Once we went to a family wedding in Monsey in July. We dressed in nicer-than-usual summer Shabbat outfits and we brought fancy cardigans and wraps to account for the air conditioning.

We were appropriately dressed (toward the lower end of the fanciness spectrum, but still acceptable).

But, the hall was FREEZING! The thermostat must have been set to 60F. If we weren't dancing, our fingertips turned blue. We kept going outside to thaw out.
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amother




Papaya


Post  Sat, Aug 31 2019, 2:03 pm
We moved to the 5 Towns after growing up OOT.
Pesach fell in late March and it was freeeeezing.
The shabbos after Pesach we were invited out for lunch.
So I wore a wool suit to shul which was completely appropriate for the weather.
At my host's home all the women were in pink or other pastel colors.
Apparently I hadn't gotten the memo that dress is according to season on the calendar, not actual weather.
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ra_mom




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Aug 31 2019, 8:45 pm
amother [ Papaya ] wrote:
We moved to the 5 Towns after growing up OOT.
Pesach fell in late March and it was freeeeezing.
The shabbos after Pesach we were invited out for lunch.
So I wore a wool suit to shul which was completely appropriate for the weather.
At my host's home all the women were in pink or other pastel colors.
Apparently I hadn't gotten the memo that dress is according to season on the calendar, not actual weather.

Ha ha I wouldn't feel out of place in such a situation. I would feel like the others were dressed ridiculously.
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amother




Orchid


Post  Sat, Aug 31 2019, 8:52 pm
amother [ Papaya ] wrote:
We moved to the 5 Towns after growing up OOT.
Pesach fell in late March and it was freeeeezing.
The shabbos after Pesach we were invited out for lunch.
So I wore a wool suit to shul which was completely appropriate for the weather.
At my host's home all the women were in pink or other pastel colors.
Apparently I hadn't gotten the memo that dress is according to season on the calendar, not actual weather.


I feel like everyone in Brooklyn does that, too. It's often still pretty warm outside on Rosh Hashanah, but people wear dark colors like it's getting cooler outside. It could still be 70s-80s outside.

Same with Pesach- in recent years, it's been freezing outside on Pesach, but people are already dressing in their spring clothing.

I try to dress for the weather as much as possible. The only issue I have is that I don't buy so much fall and spring clothing, since I feel like I use it very little. So on those days that are really intermediate, I'm sometimes dressed more towards winter or summer.
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amother




Chocolate


Post  Sat, Aug 31 2019, 9:16 pm
At the first end of year dinner for a school where I worked, I came in an outfit and flats. I quickly learned and wore heels and a dress in the future.
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amother




Mint


Post  Sat, Aug 31 2019, 10:15 pm
I once was invited to a mother daughter tea. For some reason in my mind it said “tea attire.” I borrowed a big hat and wore it and looked absolutely ridiculous. I couldn’t take it off because it was my head covering.
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sky




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Aug 31 2019, 11:33 pm
Rappel wrote:
I went to an American wedding in Jerusalem. Small crowd, very upscale. In my circles, white is the chagigi colour, so I wore my normal Shabbat cotton and lace, all white outfit. It was only after the wedding ended that I remembered that that was a major faux pas in American circles!

I also remember that two of the ladies spoke to me (notable, at this occasion), and they both were commenting on/complimenting my mitpachat. It was only when I offered to take them to the store where I buy them, and they both got sour looks for a second, that I realized that they were back-handedly making fun of me. After that, I stuck to my baby, and got out of there as soon as we could!


I don’t want to defend them if they were doing that.
But if it makes you feel better about it - I love the mipachat look. But would never wear it. So while I would compliment and admire it honestly. I wouldn’t be interested in actually shopping for one.
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amother




Natural


Post  Sun, Sep 01 2019, 12:34 am
This thread makes me nervous because I’m a very self conscious person. I try to work on my confidence.. but it’s hard as I’m already an adult. I’m the kind of person who never knows what to wear for almost any given occasion. I’m also always worried that I’m dressing my kids all wrong and they will look funny. I guess I have these concerns because these things really happened!
Once I was able invited to a pidyon haben. I wasn’t sure how people dress to a pidyon haben so we (myself and kids) all wore nicer weekday clothing. We were the only ones who were not wearing shabbos clothing! I learned that there is an inyan to dress in shabbos clothes for a pidyon haben.
When my oldest was a toddler I had no idea how to dress a kid for a bris. I dressed him in shabbos clothing and noticed that all other kids were wearing regular weekday clothing.
And how about this one.... one year on succos it was boiling hot; probably close to 90 degrees. I almost never go to shul. That hot yomtov day I told my kids we will go to shul. They wore their summer shabbos outfits since I couldn’t imagine dressing them in their new winter (woolen) clothing. Well, they stood out so bad. Everyone in shul was wearing their new winter clothes while we were standing there all summery.
Somehow I never get it right 😕...
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 01 2019, 2:53 am
my lchaim was supposed to be a simple event for immediate family only, it ended up being a full fledged affair. My future single sisters in law wore real weekday clothes, they were mad because they felt so out of place with everyone dressed in fancy shabbos clothes. ( in those times lchaim's were attended in shabbos attire)
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LovesHashem




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 01 2019, 4:33 am
amother [ Natural ] wrote:
one year on succos it was boiling hot; probably close to 90 degrees. I almost never go to shul. That hot yomtov day I told my kids we will go to shul. They wore their summer shabbos outfits since I couldn’t imagine dressing them in their new winter (woolen) clothing. Well, they stood out so bad. Everyone in shul was wearing their new winter clothes while we were standing there all summery.
Somehow I never get it right 😕...


Pesach is always spring clothing
Sukkos is always winter
NO MATTER THE WEATHER.

That's how I see it goes in town. Although I could care less and still dress for the weather.
Although I'll try to fit in more. I'll wear a more colorful winter outfit on pesach, or a summer outfit with a thicker shell and cute sweater and boots. Like I'll make it work with the weather and the overall vibe.
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 01 2019, 5:21 am
When you have Rosh hashana in early September with 90 degrees weather it's pathetic to watch kids sweating in velvets & furs. Sorry.
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