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Please help. Chizuk needed badly

 
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lkwdgirl




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Sep 03 2019, 4:06 am
Our beautiful 14 year old graduated 8th grade over 2 months ago and still has no school. She went on all four interviews as per the Vaad and no one seems to care. Please share words of encouragement
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amother




Blonde


Post  Tue, Sep 03 2019, 4:39 am
I'm so so sorry you are dealing with this! What part of the world are you in? Maybe someone on here has a connection to a school in your area?

By the way - I've been there - went for three schools, thought we would be fine as I even had a family member already there as a student in one of them, but no go. No middos issues, just some academic ones seemed to be the hold up. Couldn't get the wait lists to budge, finally we tried another school that hadn't been on our radar initially and B"H they were willing to take her.

P.S. = the school we hadn't considered originally? Our school of last resort/hope? It has been the most AMAZING fit for her - it couldn't have been better for her if we had built a program for her from the ground up. Please hold on - Hashem will help you find a place for her.

Hug
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Sep 03 2019, 4:56 am
Please remind your daughter that she is not doing anything wrong, and that everything Hashem does is for good.

She may feel shut out right now, but Hashem is keeping her out of schools that would not be a good fit for her. Hashem hears her teffilot, and will find the perfect school for her at the right time.

In the meantime, see if you can find some workbooks in the academic areas she struggles with. It will be good for her to do something to catch up, and can give her more confidence. On top of that, it will show the schools that you are serious about her studies.
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amother




Salmon


Post  Tue, Sep 03 2019, 6:32 am
so sorry to hear this! May Hashem Send you a yeshua right away.
hugs and hatzlocha
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Cmon be nice




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Sep 03 2019, 6:55 am
If you have a rav call him ASAP. This is his job. Let someone else answer shailos. I know it's a crazy situation. Also her elementary school principal needs to help also.
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amother




Azure


Post  Tue, Sep 03 2019, 8:43 am
Please remind your daughter how special she is and the onus/loss is on the school - not her. Can you spend time together this week baking for yt for freezer .
Pg hashem has a special plan for her. If you belive that (and I know it's so tough) hopefully she will believe it too.
Senidn you chizuk and hugs
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sub




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Sep 03 2019, 9:02 am
Too many girls are sitting at home. We need to remind them all that they are amazing, wonderful, talented, girls and it is no fault of their own that this situation is occurring.
As for the parents, I am davening for you and bentch you that you should see much nachas from your precious daughters.
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amother




Salmon


Post  Tue, Sep 03 2019, 9:33 am
great answer! yes do let them know loud and clear that this is an "infrastructure" issue, not enough room and schools for everyone - kinda like musical chairs...with worse consequences. work to strengthen their self esteem and yiddishkeit, depersonalize it, decharge it for yourself and your child/children they pick up their cues from you

id really look out of the box for solutions: push, try other schools, schools out of town, band together and create a home schooling school community, hire tutors, do chesed volunteer work, seek out mentors, and other outlets/extracurriculars....

work to find some way to turn such a negative into a positive

not minimizing how painful, Daven daven daven, BTDT

hugs and hatzlocha
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lkwdgirl




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Sep 03 2019, 2:25 pm
I’m the one who started this “shmooze”. There are people working and working on it and the school she went to couldn’t care less and did nothing to advocate. It’s such a shame how our children end up being korbanos. She’s a good hearted frum tznius caring girl who is probably a strong B student and noone seems to give a hoot. It’s so so heartbreaking 💔😥💔😥💔😥
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amother




Wine


Post  Tue, Sep 03 2019, 2:29 pm
lkwdgirl wrote:
I’m the one who started this “shmooze”. There are people working and working on it and the school she went to couldn’t care less and did nothing to advocate. It’s such a shame how our children end up being korbanos. She’s a good hearted frum tznius caring girl who is probably a strong B student and noone seems to give a hoot. It’s so so heartbreaking 💔😥💔😥💔😥

I had the same, not in Lakewood. It's really heartbreaking to see and just so messed up Sad
May she have the right school for her really soon, in which she'll have the best time of her life!
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keym




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Sep 03 2019, 2:39 pm
Hugs. I've been in a similar situation and it's so rough.
You need lots of real life support. Sharing what you're going through with all your friends and neighbors so no one makes any idiotic mistakes.
Also reach out to every Rabbi that you know. Network who knows what. The more people advocating for you and your kids, the more hishtadlus.
Hatzlocha. And keep us posted. We are rooting for you.
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abound




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Sep 03 2019, 4:36 pm
I am really sorry you are going through this. The most difficult pain is watching a child go through so much pain and you cannot do anything to shield her from it. May Hashem give you the right words and the strength to have a good attitude so that she is able to stay positive and not become bitter towards life and yiddishkeit in particular. Like every Nisayon, I hope you come through this stronger and better but I am sorry you have to go through it at all.
Just a small question out of curiosity-the vaad did not place her anywhere or did they place her in a school that is the wrong fit? (Dont answer if you would rather not, just wondering how it works)
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SixOfWands




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Sep 03 2019, 4:47 pm
lkwdgirl wrote:
Our beautiful 14 year old graduated 8th grade over 2 months ago and still has no school. She went on all four interviews as per the Vaad and no one seems to care. Please share words of encouragement


Tell her that an anonymous woman, living very far away, says that she absolutely and totally rocks. These schools don't know what they're missing by not fighting over a girl like her.

When there are more kids than seats, schools go for the cookie cutters. But its girls like your daughter, who aren't cookie cutter kids, who add color and interest and zest to the world. And maybe some school doesn't recognize it now, but when she's an adult, watch out world.
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amother




Tangerine


Post  Tue, Sep 03 2019, 4:53 pm
I honestly would move out.Who wants to live and raise children in an environment with values like that? Even if the family is “modern”, why punish the children?
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amother




Firebrick


Post  Tue, Sep 03 2019, 5:00 pm
amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:
I honestly would move out.Who wants to live and raise children in an environment with values like that? Even if the family is “modern”, why punish the children?

Irrelevant and unhelpful.
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allthingsblue




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Sep 03 2019, 5:19 pm
Hugs.
That is so heartbreaking.
"Karov Hashem lenishberei lev." May Hashem fill your daughter's life with blessing. "Even mo'asu hoysa lerosh Pinah." May your daughter's successful future show those schools what a loss it was for them, how wrong they were. May this be but a distant memory, replaced by success, acceptance, and fulfillment.
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little neshamala




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Sep 03 2019, 5:26 pm
I ask this with complete sincerity. Are the lakewood gedolim aware of whats going on? The rosh yeshiva, mashgiach of BMG etc...

Can someone explain the situation to them and ask that they give a community psak that no lakewood girl should go to school until everyone has been placed, or a new school created? אמו אנוכי בצרה type of thing.

I say this because I understand lakewood to be pretty united in terms of listening to their gedolim.

And I know it would be incredibly imconvenient. But how can anyone continue as normal when so so many children are in such a predicament?
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amother




Blonde


Post  Wed, Sep 04 2019, 3:25 am
little neshamala wrote:
I ask this with complete sincerity. Are the lakewood gedolim aware of whats going on? The rosh yeshiva, mashgiach of BMG etc...

Can someone explain the situation to them and ask that they give a community psak that no lakewood girl should go to school until everyone has been placed, or a new school created? אמו אנוכי בצרה type of thing.

I say this because I understand lakewood to be pretty united in terms of listening to their gedolim.

And I know it would be incredibly imconvenient. But how can anyone continue as normal when so so many children are in such a predicament?


I remember hearing a discussion several years ago about a community (don't remember if it was Lakewood or not) that had several girls not placed and they did exactly that - said everyone had to have some spot somewhere before anyone could start.

Are there other kids your daughter knows that are in the same boat? Sometimes a group working together has more power to push things. And worst comes to worst, at least they can learn together, homeschool, do chesed projects or just have company together until a better solution is reached. If there are enough girls - even just 5 or 10 - those families can hire a seminary grad, young teacher, etc to teach them so that they have some sense of normalcy in the short term.
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CatLady




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 04 2019, 9:45 am
I support the idea of forming a homeschooling coop. There are online curricula that they can use, and then they will all have somewhere to go, and will be learning. It may not be optimal, but at least these girls won't be sitting around the house thinking about their predicament.
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