Heartbroken | Imamother

amother

Tue, Sep 03 2019, 3:23 pm

My oldest son started preschool today and while he came home seeming happy, he mentioned that some kids didn’t let them play with him at recess. My heart broke in half hearing this...to all seasoned mothers, how do you emotionally deal with hearing these kinds of things? I am not sure if I am projecting my childhood experiences of getting rejected by friends and having a hard time make friends or if this is a valid reason for me to feel heartbroken. I know that children have to go through these kinds of experiences bc it builds character and gives them tools etc, but how can I deal with this as a mom? I plan on davening hard, trying to teach my child good social skills and making sure he looks presentable before leaving the house every morning. I guess I’m looking to hear from more seasoned mothers as to how they emotionally deal with these kinds of things!

oneofakind

Tue, Sep 03 2019, 6:10 pm

Yes you are projecting. If your son was happy, it wasn't devastating. I'd ask what he did instead. He probably found somebody or something else. I'd only be concerned if he doesn't play with anybody day after day.

allthingsblue

Tue, Sep 03 2019, 6:34 pm

You are projecting but that's ok. I've done it too! I used to ask my child each day who he played with, who he sat with, if the other kids let him play etc.
I've since stopped and just ask how his day was, did he play with friends. I do speak to the Morah once in a while. If he's happy, he's happy! The more you project confidence in his ability to succeed, the more likely it is that he will. The less attention you pay to things like other kids not letting him join, and the more you focus on his strengths and the kids that he does play with, the less likely it is to bother him.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Sep 03 2019, 7:36 pm

The best thing you can do for him as a mom, is to model good behavior. Stay positive and supportive. Hear his concerns, but don't dwell on them. Judge the other kids favorably, and say things like "they don't know you yet, it may take them a few days before they are ready to make new friends."

If he has a toy that he's willing to share, that won't break, let him bring it to school to play with at recess. Those plastic farm animals or dinosaurs that you get at the dollar store are pretty indestructible, and you can always by more if one of them gets lost. It could be the key to getting him into a social group.

I brought a stuffed cat to school on the first day of kindergarten, and made a best friend who stuck with me all through high school!

amother

Mauve

Tue, Sep 03 2019, 8:04 pm

First things first,
Very tight hugs were sent your way.
Today was a very big day for you. Sending off your first child is a milestone that comes along with so many feelings.
It's okay to be concerned about a child.and just like he is adjusting to school so are you.
It takes time to separate our own childhood experiences from our children's experiences.
Bring out the positive aspects of school when you ask him questions. Try not to ask questions that might have negative answers. At least not in the beginning. You don't want him feeling that playing on his own sometimes is a bad sign.

You seem like one great mommy,and he is so very lucky to have you.Your childhood experiences are no match for the most rewarding experience of being a mother.may you see a lot of nachas from him.