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How do you show ur love?



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thegiver




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 3:36 am
How do your kids know you love them and want whats best for them? I feel like the controlling nay sayer and my 6 yo is starting to get annoyed. Want her to know doing whats best for them is not always pleasant. Also want to find ways to show how much I adore them. So much about parenting is restricting and refocusing and guiding them... how do you create a positive warm loving atmosphere where kids are certain of ur love for them in spite all the orders rules and restrictions?
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 3:54 am
I don't remember where I read this, but:

Minimum, when you speak to your children, you should say 5 positive things for every 1 negative phrase/criticism.

Ideal ratio: 20 to 1.


My children are not yet 6, and I don't know what it's like to raise a 6 year old, but when I use this method, our days go better.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 5:27 am
Tell them.

I don't do any ratio I am natural and I try to keep it mostly positive the more they grow up
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s c




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 6:15 am
Lots of praise and positive reinforcement all the time. Also give them your complete attention when they are with you with lots of eye contact and smiling at them so they know how much you love their company and how interested in them you always are (not always so easy when you're running around with so much to do)
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thanks




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 6:25 am
Tell them, and hug them often. I font find myself restricting them. I elicit their cooperation.
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amother
Pearl


 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 8:46 am
love languages!
My kids like when I spend time with them, when I tell them I love them, when I buy/make them stuff, when I hug them... so I try to do all the above but not the stuff one so much so that they don't get spoiled Wink
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 9:20 am
Ruchel wrote:
Tell them.

I don't do any ratio I am natural and I try to keep it mostly positive the more they grow up


I'm glad for you that it's natural!

I'm making this up as I go along, so I definitely rely on "rules." LOL
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dankbar




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 11:01 am
Rappel wrote:
I'm glad for you that it's natural!

I'm making this up as I go along, so I definitely rely on "rules." LOL


There is the 80/20 rule that applies. 5 compliments before one critic ( not only punishment/criticism is considered negative, even commands/demands like eat your dinner, go to bed etc.
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dankbar




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 11:07 am
I kiss them, hug them, take them on my lap, read them stories, tell them jokes, shmooze with them, play games with them, do crafts with them, take them out for ice cream just because, ask them about their day, make their favorite foods & give them special treats, let them choose, their shabbos nosh,in the grocery. Empathize with them.
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simba




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 11:20 am
My DS 5 told his older brother , DS 8 yesterday that he is the best boy in the world. Then he said, “ I don’t really think I am but Mommy does”!

Happens to be this DS 5 is a challenging child. I know that I have to re-focus, guide and discipline him more hen my others and I actively counter it with warmth and love and snuggles and kisses and secrets and and and...

That’s my job.
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amother
Beige


 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 11:27 am
listen to them and pay attention
know their likes and dislikes
know their triggers
know they are doing their best
give them opportunities to succeed
notice when they do
compliment and praise genuinely
find and accent the lovable in them
this will help that grow
interest yourself in their world
who do they play with
what do they like to do
listen listen listen (do not critique)
validate their feelings and accept them even when its not pretty -- before the next stage of them processing -- this will help them move forward to better middos
accept them for who they are as they are while helping guide them in the best direction
assume and treat them as if they are children going through stages in need of loving parent and parental guidance-- as people who will turn out to be wonderful adults IY"H
hatzlocha
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 11:32 am
simba wrote:
My DS 5 told his older brother , DS 8 yesterday that he is the best boy in the world. Then he said, “ I don’t really think I am but Mommy does”!

Happens to be this DS 5 is a challenging child. I know that I have to re-focus, guide and discipline him more hen my others and I actively counter it with warmth and love and snuggles and kisses and secrets and and and...

That’s my job.


That is just too precious.

You should write these kinds of things down, to remember when they are grown up! It's priceless!
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ShishKabob




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 11:53 am
simba wrote:
My DS 5 told his older brother , DS 8 yesterday that he is the best boy in the world. Then he said, “ I don’t really think I am but Mommy does”!

Happens to be this DS 5 is a challenging child. I know that I have to re-focus, guide and discipline him more hen my others and I actively counter it with warmth and love and snuggles and kisses and secrets and and and...

That’s my job.

I have the same thing. My ds that the other children and I find challenging the most, is the one that I try to point out all the good things about. (I also give the others loads of positive compliments and reinforcements.)
Some of my kids think I'm blind to his shortcomings. It's not true. I know all of it plus some more. I'm just trying to focus on his good points and emphasizing it so that he should feel good about himself despite his shortcomings and will eventually Beezras Hashem fulfill those positive attributes.
It's not always easy and I have to shift my attitude from negative to positive many times.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 2:39 pm
dankbar wrote:
There is the 80/20 rule that applies. 5 compliments before one critic ( not only punishment/criticism is considered negative, even commands/demands like eat your dinner, go to bed etc.


That would stiffle me and make it very difficult. It's your child, don't go into rules and counting
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 2:48 pm
For me its two things.

1) Know their love language. My oldest really likes acts of service. Do I want to hand him his clothes in the morning not really but it makes him feel good. Same with getting him drinks or snacks. My younger kid loves compliments and quality time. I take him on a lot of errands even when I would rather go alone.

2) Include them. When there is a behavior issue we talk about what set them off, what is a better way to approach the issue. How do others feel when we do this behavior. Ultimately, I want them to see me as their ally in life not their adversary. I will always be in their corner to help them along in life. I dont want my kids to see me as just another person who will punish them. Its really a mind shift in what I want from my kids. Immediate vs long term behavior.
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