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Do you think its ok to send kids school before theyre ready?
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amother




Firebrick


Post  Fri, Sep 06 2019, 4:59 pm
Huh? Cerise? Mothers over attach to them? What does that even mean? Do you understand what it means to have a healthy attachment and for a child to feel secure?
The ones who carry on all day are communicating something very strong to the adults in their life. It may be she is anxious in general, she may have developmental issues, she may have had scarring experiences in the past but there is no way we can identify the cause if we aren’t evaluating the whole situation. But to say they are over attached?
Just to review; the stronger the attachment is, the the easier it is to separate. Kids with a healthy attachment are confident and independent; not clingy and anxious.
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amother




Amber


Post  Fri, Sep 06 2019, 5:27 pm
pesek zman wrote:
What about my husband being unemployed? For 2 years. Did I choose that too? I’ve been supporting my family on my own for 2+ years

And if you’re going to refer to things that I’ve said in other posts, consider using your own screen name to do so. Anything else is cowardly.


So you did have the ability to leave your baby with one parent during the day but chose daycare anyway...

Meanwhile you're yelling and screaming that having only one parent working is a luxury. Isn't that exactly what you had? And you didn't even save money on childcare by having your husband care for him.

I'm so confused.
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amother




Apricot


Post  Fri, Sep 06 2019, 5:30 pm
amother [ Amber ] wrote:
So you did have the ability to leave your baby with one parent during the day but chose daycare anyway...

Meanwhile you're yelling and screaming that having only one parent working is a luxury. Isn't that exactly what you had? And you didn't even save money on childcare by having your husband care for him.

I'm so confused.

Wow! You are vicious! Surprised Surprised
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amother




Amber


Post  Fri, Sep 06 2019, 5:33 pm
There is also a big difference between putting a toddler into a full on classroom with a bunch of other kids and all kinds of expectations of behavior that really aren't expected or needed at that age unless you put the kid in that classroom setting, or leaving with a one-on-one babysitter/nanny who is there to attend only to their needs.
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shyshira




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 06 2019, 5:38 pm
amother [ Amber ] wrote:
So you did have the ability to leave your baby with one parent during the day but chose daycare anyway...

Meanwhile you're yelling and screaming that having only one parent working is a luxury. Isn't that exactly what you had? And you didn't even save money on childcare by having your husband care for him.

I'm so confused.


You are the only one yelling and screaming - why are you attacking her?
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amother




Burgundy


Post  Fri, Sep 06 2019, 6:10 pm
dankbar wrote:
I disagree that longer you keep home they adjust more easily. Just opposite. Longer they are attached to mom's apron strings it's harder for them to let go. When I was a teacher, there was one child that started by 4-5 to attend school because she needed to travel in order to attend a chassidishe school, so mom kept her home for long while. It took her very long to settle into classroom socially & emotionally, till she got used to school routine, get hang of basic skills others had already mastered & mingle with the girls. At end she was a smart, mature social butterfly, that was her personality, but being that it was her first time going to school while for the other kids it was their 3rd year in a school setting, she just lost out in the group.


Based on this one example you can conclude the longer a kid stays home with their loving mother the harder it is for them to adjust in school.... there is no science to any of this. Every home, ever parent , every school , every environment , and most importantly every CHILD is different.
Anyone can come up with any excuse why they are doing anything and no one should feel bad for what they do or have to do.
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amother




Burgundy


Post  Fri, Sep 06 2019, 6:21 pm
dankbar wrote:
Bear in mind, that in kindergarten it's already a more structured setting, when they start out in pre-nursery/nursery it's still a more lax atmosphere with lots of bonding with teacher, learning how to talk & express themselves properly, playing with others, mastering skills like coloring maybe even cutting etc...

So when someone is coming in late in the game, it's just that.
They still want to play all day, don't know how to even hold a scisscors while everyone else is cutting out stuff on their own already.


Why do you think that a mother who is home
With their 3-4 year old is not taking them out interacting with them or having them socially interact with other kids? or is they are not coloring/cutting with them? And who is not playing play doh singing with them doing puzzles??? etc??? Not fair to say they are at a disadvantage
I hate both sides people putting you down for being home with your kids (yes you are taking a significant pay cut from being home with your kid/s) or sending your baby out because you need to go to work! They both are options that are were the best for that person
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pesek zman




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Sep 07 2019, 8:35 pm
amother [ Amber ] wrote:
So you did have the ability to leave your baby with one parent during the day but chose daycare anyway...

Meanwhile you're yelling and screaming that having only one parent working is a luxury. Isn't that exactly what you had? And you didn't even save money on childcare by having your husband care for him.

I'm so confused.


I don’t know why im engaging with an anonymous troll, whose judgementalism knows no bounds and whose menschlechkeit is non existent.

I hope you never know what it means to be unemployed. I hope you never know that job hunting is a full time job. That being available for networking opportunities and interviews is critical. That being unemployed is not the same as being a stay at home dad.

But since you are small minded and OBNOXIOUS, I doubt any of the above will mean a thing to you.

I am done with you.
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amother




Coral


Post  Sat, Sep 07 2019, 8:40 pm
amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:
Huh? Cerise? Mothers over attach to them? What does that even mean? Do you understand what it means to have a healthy attachment and for a child to feel secure?
The ones who carry on all day are communicating something very strong to the adults in their life. It may be she is anxious in general, she may have developmental issues, she may have had scarring experiences in the past but there is no way we can identify the cause if we aren’t evaluating the whole situation. But to say they are over attached?
Just to review; the stronger the attachment is, the the easier it is to separate. Kids with a healthy attachment are confident and independent; not clingy and anxious.


She’s saying there may be downsides to keeping a kid at home too long as well as from sending too early.
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Sep 07 2019, 8:45 pm
How do you know if pesek zman is not spending & bonding with her child more than any other mom with more kids?

I have had it both ways, an only for a long while, and some kids close together in age.
Believe me, I was more busy with my only one, than many moms to many, and also when my kids had each others to enertain.

When I had one, everything revolved around this child. It was a huge daage on my head how will this kid be entertained all the time, which in turn meant that I either entertained him & arranged company for him.

With my set of kids spaced together, they mostly keep each others entertained.

Another thing, I know many moms who feel guilty working, and try to compensate for that by spending lots of time with their kids, when they finish work. Otoh, who says all sahm sit & play with their kids all day?

I am sure nothing is missing for pesek zman's child. Only children make sure to seek & get all their mom's attention, all day.
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amother




Bisque


Post  Sat, Sep 07 2019, 8:55 pm
Everyone do what works for YOU! Kids don't need to be home all day and children crying for weeks on end is not usual. I sent my daughter to a babysitter full time from one and she is a very happy well adjusted little girl. I always sent her to a warm person with a small group.
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Sep 07 2019, 8:59 pm
Also a child that is waited for a long time, is usually not taken for granted, so I'm sure Pesek zman gives her daughter, her all!
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amother




Burlywood


Post  Sat, Sep 07 2019, 9:15 pm
pesek zman wrote:
I don’t know why im engaging with an anonymous troll, whose judgementalism knows no bounds and whose menschlechkeit is non existent.

I hope you never know what it means to be unemployed. I hope you never know that job hunting is a full time job. That being available for networking opportunities and interviews is critical. That being unemployed is not the same as being a stay at home dad.

But since you are small minded and OBNOXIOUS, I doubt any of the above will mean a thing to you.

I am done with you.


Just read through this exchange. She’s beyond out of bounds. Liking your posts was not enough.

- a SAHM but who’s for sure not as good of a mom as PZ....
She was home with her baby for 4 months post partum. I had to have a nurse because I wasn’t managing, she does it all on her own! And works FT! And runs her household AND is supportive of a husband who was out of work (omg nightmare!!). She doesn’t need my support but deserves respect!
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Mommyg8




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Sep 07 2019, 9:43 pm
amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:
Just read through this exchange. She’s beyond out of bounds. Liking your posts was not enough.

- a SAHM but who’s for sure not as good of a mom as PZ....
She was home with her baby for 4 months post partum. I had to have a nurse because I wasn’t managing, she does it all on her own! And works FT! And runs her household AND is supportive of a husband who was out of work (omg nightmare!!). She doesn’t need my support but deserves respect!


OH. MY. GOSH.

I just have no words.

Seriously? Someone has to JUSTIFY that she's working full time to support her family? What kind of crazy, up side down world is this?

Pesek Zman, I always admired you (and was actually a little bit jealous of your ability to sound so calm and put together through it all). I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Please don't let a nasty anonymous poster get to you, the rest of us are on your side.
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WhatFor




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Sep 07 2019, 10:05 pm
Amother Amber, may Hashem help you get whatever treatment you need so that your own issues no longer handicap your capacity to empathize.
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amother




Lavender


Post  Sat, Sep 07 2019, 10:14 pm
amother [ Amber ] wrote:
Sounds like they don't have separation anxiety because they never got to bond with you. They were spending all day with strangers from infanthood.


I'm a mother to a delicious infant and a teacher. I went back to work when she was only 6 weeks, but then I was off for the summer when baby was 3-5 months, and we spent all day together. I sent her back to daycare last week . She loves to see me at the end of the day, she snuggles me all weekend, but she squeals with delight and reaches for the other babies when I bring her to daycare. She's in a small program and thrives there where there are other kids for her to watch and play with and someone focusing on the kids and not trying to run errands or cook or clean the house. I'm glad we have this option because we're a single income household while my husband finishes his schooling. But yes, my baby's two favorite people in the world are ema and Abba, followed by her friends at daycare.
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