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Babysitter taking breakfast and lunch from house question

 
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Sep 11 2019, 8:28 am
We have a babysitter come watch the baby for 6-8 hours a day while I'm at work. I noticed she doesn't come with any bag with things to eat or stuff to do. I have cameras in the house (that she knows about and knows I check in) so I can see what she's doing in the house.

She takes cereal or other breakfast foods in the morning. She will go to the fridge and go through my pans of food that I have prepared for supper and take food. She'll also take snacks. We don't go for takeout often but we had some leftover take out food in the fridge from a special occasion and she ate half of one dish and left the other half in the fridge.

Don't get me wrong, she's working in my house, I don't mind if she takes a cup of coffee, water, a piece of cake, or a snack here and there etc. but full meals, honestly, I can't afford to start feeding another adult. Things are tight financially as it is and to start paying to feed an adult breakfast, snack, and lunch, is too much. It also takes away from food I had already prepared for my family for supper.

I know the babysitter doesn't have much money so maybe she cheshboned to eat at our house so she doesn't have to pay for those meals, but we can't afford to pay for those meals for her either.

Any suggestions on what I can do? I can't think of any way to bring it up to her without her getting embarrassed or offended.
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amother




Bronze


Post  Wed, Sep 11 2019, 8:31 am
In my community, it’s the norm to feed your nanny. So maybe she figured it would be the same with you. It’s one of the many reasons I didn’t go the nanny route
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ra_mom




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 11 2019, 8:32 am
It sounds like cereal and snacks would be ok, but your supper as her lunch is just not fair. Finances aside, us working moms work really hard to prepare things so there's food when we come home. And to find out that half is gone when you get home is just awful.

Just be honest with her. Tell her you want her to feel comfortable eating cereal, taking snacks. But any cooked food needs to be saved for your family's dinner.
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seeker




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 11 2019, 9:00 am
ra_mom wrote:
It sounds like cereal and snacks would be ok, but your supper as her lunch is just not fair. Finances aside, us working moms work really hard to prepare things so there's food when we come home. And to find out that half is gone when you get home is just awful.

Just be honest with her. Tell her you want her to feel comfortable eating cereal, taking snacks. But any cooked food needs to be saved for your family's dinner.

This. Maybe to avoid embarrassing her when you bring it up, you could say something like "Oops I forgot to mention this when we started" that way it's more like "we should have set a policy at the outset (which is true" rather than "I caught you doing something I don't like."
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Amarante




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 11 2019, 9:15 am
In my experience, most people provide food for their full time employees who work in the house. So it is her expectation that she can eat the food.

There have been threads in which people are concerned because their nannies or housekeepers are bringing in treif. So are you comfortable with her bringing in food from unknown sources?

I think it perfectly appropriate to set boundaries in terms of what she can eat. However I also think it is pretty normal to provide lunch to a nanny or housekeeper when she is working a full day. I generally tell my housekeeper what is available for her to eat and typically it would be some kind of sandwich - how expensive is tuna, egg salad, a cheese sandwich or even some cold cuts. She is always welcome to any of the snacks, fruit, drinks or whatever.

ETA - I remember now that thread in which the housekeeper was demanding a hot lunch and supper. LOL But the consensus was that a hot gourmet lunch wasn't necessary but no one questioned that it was appropriate to provide her with some kind of lunch or dinner - sandwiches being the most obvious since they are easy to make and have available.


Last edited by Amarante on Wed, Sep 11 2019, 9:31 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Orange


Post  Wed, Sep 11 2019, 9:17 am
amother [ Bronze ] wrote:
In my community, it’s the norm to feed your nanny. So maybe she figured it would be the same with you. It’s one of the many reasons I didn’t go the nanny route


this - especially in a kosher home.

Recognizing money is tight - but could show her some bread and tune/cheese/veg she can take for lunch.
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essie14




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 11 2019, 9:21 am
seeker wrote:
This. Maybe to avoid embarrassing her when you bring it up, you could say something like "Oops I forgot to mention this when we started" that way it's more like "we should have set a policy at the outset (which is true" rather than "I caught you doing something I don't like."

This is the only way I could imagine bringing this up. Everyone I know provides food for their babysitters. You can label foil pans as Tuesday Supper and ask her not to take from any labeled pans/containers but I think you should provide cheese, cold cuts, other sandwich condiments for meals as well as snacks and drinks.
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amother




Mint


Post  Wed, Sep 11 2019, 10:35 am
I have a cleaning lady 1x/week.
She gets there very early in the morning and I make her breakfast when I make my own. I tell her what I have available for her for lunch-I.e., I have yogurt, a fresh loaf of bread, peanut butter & sliced cheese and I am making myself a tuna sandwich. Can I make you tuna as well, or do you want to a yogurt or to make yourself a peanut-butter or cheese sandwich later.
(Usually she has what I have and I make it and leave it wrapped in Saran on a plate in the fridge).
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 11 2019, 10:38 am
I don't feed adults. Bring or take. Discuss it.
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amother




Brown


Post  Wed, Sep 11 2019, 10:41 am
Where I live no one provides food for household staff. When I interview I always discuss the lunch break and where she can eat her own food. Just adding that since so many people are writing that it's expected to feed them- definitely not the case everywhere.
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Teomima




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 11 2019, 10:50 am
I would think you should feed her. I wouldn't want her digging through pans of food saved for supper, or eating my saved special leftovers, but I think you ought to leave her a plate in the fridge. Save a slice of last night's lasagna, put aside a chicken breast, make her a nice sandwich, whatever. And tell her what snacks she's free to take from. She doesn't work in an office, she works in a person's home. Anyone in your home for that long should be offered a meal. Also considering, for kashrut reasons, you wouldn't necessarily want someone you hired to bring in their own food into your home, but the work hours are long enough that someone would get hungry, providing them with food is the right move.
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amother




Fuchsia


Post  Wed, Sep 11 2019, 10:59 am
Mark food out for her. Don't let her take snacks on her own. Put out her snacks. Get her trained that she doesn't eat except what you put out.
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amother




Maroon


Post  Wed, Sep 11 2019, 11:56 am
amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:
Mark food out for her. Don't let her take snacks on her own. Put out her snacks. Get her trained that she doesn't eat except what you put out.


You may not have meant it, but this sounds so wrong. She's not a dog, to be trained.

I think the OP should provide food bc its the norm, but like others said, make her a sandwich, a small pot of Mac and cheese, veggies. It's pretty cheap stuff, not a full on dinner that u made for ur family.


HOWEVER, if you just can not afford it! (I get it!)
Then, yes, try and mention it. Say your so sorry you didn't mention it from the start, but at this time ur financially not able to provide food.
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