Home

Define "hitting"
Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next  Last >>
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children

View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Poll

Do you hit your kids as a deciplinary measure?
NEVER!!
 38%  [ 21 ]
If they are really bad...
 20%  [ 11 ]
On occasion
 32%  [ 18 ]
I don't have a specific shitah
 9%  [ 5 ]
Total Votes : 55


mompete




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Aug 29 2005, 12:53 pm
I've got a question here...
I do not believe in hitting because I think that it will teach the child to hit, but how come you never hear of the previous generations having this concern and as a child who did get potched, I myself never resorted to potching others? Is it really a valid concern when it has worked in teaching a child discipline? It seems that raising kids today is so much harder than before because of all the new rules...anybody?
Back to top

1stimer




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Aug 29 2005, 1:56 pm
mompete, kids today are different, this has been said by many great gedolim too. Rav Wolbe said this, and I also heard that the Bobover rebbe said that yrs ago it was very tough to be frum but now it is not it is easier and a beautiful thing to be frum. so yrs ago who were the ones that survived? the tough ones because they had to be tough to survive the world. But nowadays society is different and so we can't be so tough with kids today.
Back to top

Yael




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Aug 29 2005, 2:49 pm
shira its reassuring to know that there is another kid out there like mine.
levi also does things like you mentioned, in a chutzpadik manner. my mother suggested to hit on the hand for these times, but I'm from the no hitting camp so how can I do this?
it does seem like it would be the only thing that works.
I think its time to stop following rules, and do whatever we feel is best that would work.
Back to top

Yael




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Aug 29 2005, 2:53 pm
Quote:
This isn't really in answer to the above post, but about hitting kids. Rav Wolbe, ztl said that nowadays one can not hit a kid past the age of 3, since after the age of 3 a kid will hit back and it is considered lifnei iver.

thats funny b/c it is said not to hit a kid under age 2 b/c they dont understand why you are hitting them.
I think you mean not to hit over bar mitzva b/c then if they hit back they are responsible for the averah they've done. and you dont want to cause them to do an aveirah.
Back to top

mompete




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Aug 29 2005, 3:16 pm
many things have changed, I know that and I know that kids today are different but I think that it's because the [/I]parents are different. it also seems that quite a lot of us got hit as kids and turned out ok more or less. I'm not an advocate of hitting, mind you, but it's just something that has perplexed me for a long time.
Back to top

Rivk




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Aug 29 2005, 3:16 pm
I think according to Love and Logic you can hit until age three but that is just to train them to listen to basic commands like come, sit, and stay. It is not a punishment. I highly recommend the book "Parenting with Love and Logic"
Back to top

mompete




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Aug 29 2005, 3:17 pm
sorry about the italics, I kind of messed them up, pay no attention to it! embarrassed
Back to top

carrot




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Aug 29 2005, 5:13 pm
I think I learned somewhere that you are allowed to hit until the kid is old enough that they are embarrassed by it. anyone else ever heard anything like this?

ps I don't necessarily advocate this - I am just talking about what might be permissible halachically.
Back to top

1stimer




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Aug 30 2005, 12:37 am
Quote:
I think you mean not to hit over bar mitzva


Nope, I definately mean over 3. Yep, it is shocking but that is what Rav Wolbe says,
Planting and Building, pg 36 wrote:
The reality today is that if we spank a 3 yr old, we violate the prohibition of "Lifnei Iver."
Back to top

JEWISHMAMA




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Aug 30 2005, 4:23 am
If my children misbehave badly they know I will hit them. I was hit as a child and I turned out fine. If I can punish them without hitting them I will. My mother use to hit us but my dad used physical excersise ie pushups or crunches (he´s an ex-marine).
Disrespect, however, is not tolerated in my house and my kids know if they are disrespectful to anyone older than them then they are for sure going to get a potch.
My kids are pretty well behaved and are still alive and active as ever. Hitting them hasn´t effected their self esteem or subdude them at all and they would never think of hitting back.
Lately though I´ve started using different ways of punishing and less potching. After all who really likes hitting their kids.
Back to top

Mandy




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Aug 30 2005, 10:33 am
I like the pushups idea.
Back to top

chavamom




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Aug 30 2005, 10:43 am
My husband's rav says that 'we can't potch in this generation' b/c 1) few people can give an effective potch [he says the relationship must have a proper foundation, it can't be in anger but after you cool down, etc] and 2) he says it just makes children angry. But I agree with de_goldy on this one - it doesn't mean no discipline! In a way, it is much harder to be a parent that doesn't potch, but on the other hand, it is good practice for when they get older and *really* try your patience, and potching is no longer an option. Can you say 'teenager'?
Back to top

1stimer




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Aug 30 2005, 12:04 pm
Quote:
Whoever said that one shouldn't give a patch when angry,, this kinda actually makes me laugh, when I'm not upset anymore the patch wont come, I prob. wouldn't give it, I don't think anyone can give petch when not angry.


Malks I'm not quite sure what you mean here, if someone agrees that they wouldn't hit if they weren't angry, then in essence they are agreeing that they aren't hitting to discipline but in order to let out frustration. Get another punch bag.
Back to top

chavamom




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Aug 30 2005, 5:08 pm
I just noticed that the poll doesn't have a 'yes' option. Some people *do* have a shita and it is to hit. My neighbor in Israel was going to a whole series of shiurim where the rav was advising that potching was the only way to teach a child to respect the parents and unconditional obedience. He claimed that this was 'the way' to raise children that would have unconditional obedience (and 'yirah' - fear) for Hashem and torah. Um, not our derech, but if it works for him.....
Back to top

sheshycoco




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 02 2005, 9:10 am
hi.
Well I only have a baby, so right now it isn't an issue (although I do have a couple of friends who hit even at that age), but Im very against it, and starting to smack just to teach becomes easier to smack the next time, when u actually are angry, and my friend says 'honestly, that is the only time she you do smack'. I could understand that when they are older maybe. but Im still dead set against it. It really traumatises the kids, maybe not once or twice, but it becomes a habit easily. Out of my family, those who were smacked more, ended up being much more disrespectful, with many more complaints against my parents.
It's tough, as I say my baby is still young, and he is quite naughty. It's taking him a while to actually learn what's right and wrong.
Back to top

1stimer




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Sep 03 2005, 1:28 pm
sheshy, how old is your baby? How are you teaching right and wrong?
Back to top

sheshycoco




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Sep 08 2005, 1:23 pm
Hi, Im so sorry Im only replying now, I never look at this forum since I wrote, I guess I am new and didn't know people responded so fast.My sister just told me that you had askeed what I would do if my son pulled off my head covering infront of a male member. Honestly,how old is your son, mine did do that in the subway, it was unbelievably embarrassing, but then again it wasn;t his fault, I took him out the stroller and when I bent down to fold it, he grabbed onto my shietel for support, but didnt work,it was relly embarrassing. It does seam that your son did it deliberately, I guess I would probably smack him too if he was significantly older, but I would feel very guilty still. I knowthis sounds a bit extreme,but you know when you see the whole amazing miracle of birth and pregnancy,you realise what a gift from Hashem the child is. I kind of feel that I have no right to smack this kid, I don't own it. But then again, I strongly disagree with it, so you can;t compare this story with those who see there is a point. I think if it is done truely for the childs benefit, when calm, then it could work, Otherwise it;ll just hurt the kid too much, if done with anger, and although he may listen to you then, will go arround hitting others. If we expect our kids to be brought up like us, we hvae to be an example, in this way too. And yes, eveyone slips, and yes I do yell at my poor child although he's so small sometimes, but we should apologise when we realise, the child is a human too, who has feeling,and wow, how it marks them when they're older.
Goodluck, ad no,I am not here to preach, I am a very strong believer in every parent, and everychild is different.
Back to top

sheshycoco




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Sep 08 2005, 1:31 pm
hi firstimer, I got so confused, I didn;t see your post in the beginning, ad answered to someone else.
Well mine is only 14 months, so I don;t know if this applies, it depends how old yours is/are.
MY kid had been a handfull for a while, and pulled other kids hair constantly. I didn't want him to get the wrong message, but I did want to teach him that it was wrong,it was hard. I just kept on saying 'no, that hurts' and took him away from the kids to play. If it was to me , I would put himback on the floor, he finally started learning, bassically, I just took away his priveleges of playing with the children if he hit, or of me holding him if it was me. It was hard, because, he didn;t seam to care at first,I WOULDN'T laugh when I said no, but now he's really alot better, although has a long way to go. He started helping me sweep and wipes the floor with a napkin now Wink. He'sfinally making nice and sorry,it tool a while, he would yank his hand out of mine. It took longer than if I were to hit him, but since noone was suffering majorly,(I would sit with himplaying once I saw what he could do), I had time, and I know this is only going to effect himin the good way.
Back to top

1stimer




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Sep 08 2005, 2:44 pm
sheshy mine is 12 months, and yes I do similar to you. The big issue we are working on at the moment is that he climbs out of his highchair all the time and it is really dangerous. So I am trying to teach him to sit while he eats. If he is standing then I show him the spoon of food and I then tell him to sit down and I put him to sit down. It's a long and exhausting process but he is getting it, now he sits down and as soon as he has the food in his mouth he jumps up again LOL it would be so much easier if I could just buy a 5 point restraint, but they don't sell them here... I guess the israeli kids are very calm... LOL
Back to top

raizy




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Sep 10 2005, 11:39 pm
mine is 16 months and he just learned to pick up is little hand and go over to the unspecting baby or kid and give them a good potch. thats why I dont let any of my kids hit him they are just teaching him to hit. I tell him all the time make nice and go over to the kid he patched and we turn it into a nice game. also I think it is tit for tat age. I watch 3 kids arond the same age and he will hit today she will hit tomorow it all evens out. yet I thing girls are smarter they just bite. I have a little girl and whenever my son gets on her nerves she just chomps down on him . he is so shocked and hurt that he lets go of the toy he wanted to take away from her. ooh to be 16 months. they are so cute and precios...
Back to top
Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next  Last >> Recent Topics

Page 2 of 4 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Are snoods back in style, or are pre-tieds still "in?
by amother
38 Today at 12:06 am View last post
The book "My Friend, the Bully"
by amother
2 Tue, Mar 12 2019, 10:59 am View last post
How do u teach "be happy wat u have" & "help ur kids "fit in
by amother
22 Mon, Mar 11 2019, 10:46 pm View last post
First time "making pesach"
by miami85
5 Mon, Mar 11 2019, 10:30 pm View last post
"The Suit Lady" in Teaneck 3 Mon, Mar 11 2019, 6:47 pm View last post

Jump to: