Teenage dd talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and

amother

Wed, Sep 11 2019, 10:26 pm

My dd is a teenager and she has always loved to talk and talk (mostly to me). She doesn't usually seem to notice or care if anyone is paying attention to her. She talks to me while I'm having conversations with other people, while I'm reading, while I'm in a different room... She just doesn't stop! And she has a very loud voice.

She's always had her social oddities, and she gets speech therapy for that reason. I know her therapists have worked with her on paying attention to the person you're talking to and looking for signs that the person is interested, and available to listen. One of them has encouraged me to tell her when it's not a good time for her to be talking to me.

So I have begun to tell her sometimes if I have a good reason not to be able to listen to her monologue. But what if I'm reading or I just want some time to think my own thoughts? (I am an introvert.) I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I have no interest in hearing every detail about every one of her teachers and classmates and every conversation they have and more and more and more. Should I just continue to read and let her drone on? That grates on my nerves, and I feel like yelling at her- "Can't you see I'm reading and ignoring you?"

But I can't bring myself to hurt her. I don't think it's a good idea, anyway. So I'm left with the choice of struggling to pay attention to constant boring soliloquies, or to keep tuning her out and hope she won't begin to notice and get insulted. But it's SO annoying!

This is a vent, but if anyone has advice, I will be happy to listen.

amother

Purple

Wed, Sep 11 2019, 11:00 pm

Dr. Joel Shaul has some great books geared for children.
check it out on Amazon

It has helped adults who otherwise couldn't pick up those skills.

Although it is meant for autistic/aspergers kids, it has helped adults with ADHD or PTSD or other difficulties who missed social cues when they passed developmental milestones.

(Remember, no need to diagnose your child when using these books.)

This may save you therapy sessions because many therapist do not do social communication
intervention in a manner that socially different people can grasp.

(There are also free YOU tube presentations by Joel Shaul for you to watch so you can help your dear daughter.
Hatzlocha!!!!

amother

Denim

Wed, Sep 11 2019, 11:02 pm

Some people just process better with speech.

I used to be like that. I needed to talk it out after I went grocery shopping, got in a traffic jam or whatever. I was basically just thinking out loud, didn't really need someone to pay attention. I needed to explain why I bought 2 cans of peas (they were on sale), why I chose this brand (it tastes better), and how I had to go through the aisle three times for the cereal because the store moved it to the top shelf.

Later I learned to type faster and now I can process by writing, and with age, even by just thinking sometimes Smile

I'd just let her know that you're not really paying attention but she's welcome to talk to you (put in earplugs to muffle the volume?) and tell her to let you know if she really wants you to listen to a specific thing.

amother

Blonde

Wed, Sep 11 2019, 11:11 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

OP, even though it's annoying I think it's great that she feels comfortable with you and wants to share her day. As for the bolded, No, she doesn't see or understand. She's clueless, so you have to spell it out.

Just last night I told my teenage ds that at a certain hour at night, my brain cells start to explode and disappear when I try to force them to follow a conversation. I told him they're literally gone--half my brain cells. Overnight they'll replenish Smile

If humor like this wouldn't work, just tell her that, after a certain time at night, it's very hard for you to focus your mind on a conversation when you're tired. Not personal, just the way it is. You love her and you want to hear about her day but you need to have these discussions earlier. Then, read. If she keeps talking, repeat the same thing in a quiet tone, as necessary. It's hard for me to talk right now.

And, make sure you do give her a chance to talk to you earlier.

amother

Wed, Sep 11 2019, 11:29 pm

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

Does she have friends that she talks to? Do they have conversations with her? Is she painfully shy and only talks at home? you're doing the right thing but its is so tough. You wont regret it.

Yes, she has people she considers to be friends. They never call her, but she calls them and blabs and blabs until I pretend to need the phone because I start feeling bad for them. The poor girls can't get a word in edgewise, but B"H they are polite and they continue to answer the phone when she calls. I am very appreciative to them.

No, she is not shy at all.

amother

Wed, Sep 11 2019, 11:29 pm

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

This sounds just like her!

amother

Wed, Sep 11 2019, 11:34 pm

amother [ Purple ] wrote:

Thanks! I will look into his material.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Sep 12 2019, 8:04 am

Are you me? I joke that we speand nd the first couple of years teaching our kids to talk, and the rest of the time teaching them to be quiet!

When she was in elementary she has speech and language, and social skills therapy. It didn't really help. She just talked and talked and talked. When she had a math tutor, all she wanted to do was talk and talk. It's a big part of who she is.

When she's in a good mood she can be pretty fun, but G-d help you if she's kvetchy. You'll hear about that for hours on end, too.

When DD needs to talk to me, I can tell that it's because she really NEEDS me. It fills an emotional hole she has. She'll be starting DBT therapy soon, and I think that is going to help her a lot.