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My 7 yr old is getting out of control
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amother




OP


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 11:20 am
I wish more than anything I wouldn't have to write this post. This is not a new situation with him. I've posted other things about him, he's anxious, possibly ADHD, veering on ODD at the moment and being that I'm in the "profession" I'm using all that I can from my training to help him, but I think its getting to be time to seek a professional's opinion and advice from a 3rd party.

Problem is that we live in a tiny community and I dont' know how to go about getting a referral to a good psychologist/psychiatrist. Also, right now our finances are tight, and I'm not interested in wasting time and money unless I know we will get results.

Also, my son is manipulative, we lived in NY and I got him counseling in pre-K and pre1a and I saw no evidence of coping strategies. The few times I checked in with the counselor I felt he was counseling me more than him. I get that it often works in tandem, but in having the conversations and me bringing up the issues that my son gets "hang ups" about, the counselor had NO idea what I was talking about. He doesn't really bring up the problems that are bothering him and I've found that it can take him an hour to really open up about any problem that's bothering him and that's not conducive to a "15 min" or "30 min" therapy session. I know the lingo, I know conversation starters, he won't do them with me.

This manipulation is now bordering on, forgive me but the shoe fits, "terrorist mentality". He is threatening to do physical harm/damage on us and our possessions (he talks about smashing windows, breaking doors, breaking house, letting our car get into an accident) if I didn't comply with his "demands." Doing all that I can to "talk him down" without giving in and he "doesn't care" about the repercussions. If I put him in a time-out in his room, he will throw things and bang things against his door to try to break it. I've tried sending him outside in the enclosed backyard, but he doesn't want to be by himself (I'm in the kitchen which over looks the backyard).

He claims that I'm "not his boss, Hashem is" and therefore he doesn't have to listen to me. He has a bad habit of not listening to me talk to him or taking me SUPER literally.

He mostly gets this way when he is hungry, but while he used to be a good eater, he's down to like literally pizza, chicken (not all chicken preparations) and meat (from cholent)--last night he agreed to pancakes for supper. A lot of foods that he used to like he says he doesn't like anymore and I don't know what changed. He won't try new foods--I tried mac and cheese, no. Spaghetti and meatballs, no. And it has to be on-his-terms so even if I would have food prepared for him when he comes home, if its not what he wants, then he won't eat it. He's barely eating his lunches at school--he was down to "chocolate spread sandwiches" b/c he won't eat anything else. I even tried splurging on the hot-lunch option on fleishig day, but he said he didn't like it. We live out of town, while we have access to frozen pizza, its not something we can have everyday. No, he doesn't like homemade, he doesn't like pizza bagels, he doesn't like plain bagels. I've tried tacos, I've tried lasagna, Ive tried rice.
Another reason he gets like this, and I call it the "perfect storm" is when he has to go to the bathroom, he can go by himself, I don't know WHY he holds it in or is resistant, but I have to literally push him into the bathroom, otherwise he is literally spitting at me, trying to bite me or being otherwise obnoxious and he threatens, and has actually peed on the floor/rug.

He HATES doing chores, will do ANYTHING to get out of them, no matter how small or well defined the chore is (considering that I know he might have ADHD I have that in mind when I give him the chore) and he will complain more than work, or say "I'll pick up 2 things and that's it"--when there's a floor full of clothing/toys that has to be put away. If I make him do the chores then I'm "The meanest mommy ever". Ive tried offering money incentives, but he only wants to do it for a price that I think is ridiculous for cleaning your room--like several dollars per chore--I'm offering 10cents, a quarter, with other opportunities to earn more--no. I've threatened to take away/give more of tablet time, no. His younger sister shares her room with her toddler brother who makes most of the mess, she offered to clean it up for a toy that she REALLY wanted. She did it, so I ordered her the toy. He complained that I "never do anything for him" and I said that "she offered, on her own, I didn't have to help her more than actually put her hanging stuff in the closet, so yes she earned it, you do the work, we can talk". He only wants to "talk" and not do the work.

A few weeks ago, we were trying to make early shabbos, I was in my bathrobe after my shower and he literally got me locked out of my bedroom with him outside my room, my husband had already left for shul and my son was mad at me because I "won't buy him a computer ever"--this was the first time he'd really ever brought it up. It took me 30 minutes and several moments of panic to figure out how to get back into my room. He knows I was REALLY mad at him, and he has not tried to do it again. He also realized that he was put at at a disadvantage b/c there was something in my room that he wanted and if I was locked out that meant no one could get it, so he hasn't done that again.

I try to love him, spend time with him--he doesn't want it. He doesn't want to do things by himself, he doesn't want to try. He's even starting to give up on school--saying its too easy/too hard/too boring. (He's very bright but not very motivated to work up to his potential). He wants to talk to me about his video games and I try my best to listen and give a hoot. I try to answer all of his questions--and he has good ones, but often he interrupts me before I even answer them.

What boggles my mind is that every so often, he's a perfect angel. Calm, sweet, and even helpful, but when this "Mr. Hyde" comes out--it is incredibly infuriating, he's out of control. I even wrote the following poem about him "There was a little boy who had a little toy, made by the company "Little Tykes". When he was good he was very very good, and when he was bad, Yikes!" I praise him, tell him how much I like it when he's good, and helpful, and listening, and I give him leeway when he's like that. Its like he's bi-polar, multiple personality, I don't precisely know that's beyond my scope. But its starting to scare me.

He's starting to use language that I don't like--not worse than "idiot" and "sucks" but I don't talk that way and I dont' care for it. I don't know where he's getting this language from, its bothering me that he is even talking like this. We don't really watch TV or movies but he does watch gamers on Youtube so I dont know if they are using this language.
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amother




Seashell


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 11:31 am
He actually sounds like a classic Pandas case...
Food restriction, major behaviour changes, and the up and down pattern of good vs.bad.
If he had many ear or strep infections as a young kid or you are in a country where he could've gotten a tick bite, this could've resulted in PANS.
Please check pandasnetwork.org for symptom information and names of doctors in your area who treat it.
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mha3484




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 11:35 am
I have two kids with issues like you describe and the only thing that has ever worked for us is the book the Explosive Child. If you dont want to read the book you can go to the website www.livesinthebalance.org and access a lot of the same information there.

One of my kids is Severe ADHD and the other one is more anxious/sensory. This method helps both of them.

I had to accept the premise that Kids do well when they can and that if hes giving me a hard time, hes having an even harder time himself. Behavior is communication. Once I was able to see my kids using this lens a lot of our interactions got much better.

My almost 5 year old hits, throws and runs out the door. I went round and round with punishments until I realized that this is his reaction to overwhelming situations. His fight or flight kicks in when he cant manage a situation. I stopped punishing and started to teach him to self calm. Its improved majorly.
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amother




OP


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 11:44 am
He hasn't had strep as far as I know in several years (though ironically he's at the doctor getting tested right now but its mainly to call his bluff we really don't think he's sick). No ear infections, other than a chronic runny nose (not sure if its allergies or he's just prone to colds) he's a pretty healthy kid. No tick bites, he loves sports, but since he doesn't have many people in the house to play with, he doesn't spend much time outside. We moved about a year ago, and many of his issues got "better" (didn't go away, but were not as severe) but started creeping up again around Shavuous time and then the summer, not being in school/lack of routine didn't help.

Another one of his major complaints is that we don't have "luxuries"--he's right now fixated on Tesla, Lexus, and Lamborghini cars--I point out that these cars cost like more than 4x what we'd be interested in spending on a car, our only car is a used Honda which needs to be fixed/replaced right now. We're in a re-building phase financially, and I had a long talk about "saving for the future" which he seemed mature enough to understand, even the idea of saving for his bar mitzvah someday. He wants "big ticket items" like computers, video games, sporting events, and while yes, I think getting a "family computer" is a good idea, we need to save for it, and that means not buying a toy every time we go to the store. Once we had this conversation he seemed to be in a better frame of mind, but still is not interested in participating in chores to even work towards it. I have jars in my kitchen for them to earn money and he's not interested in the program.
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amother




OP


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 11:48 am
Update is that he does NOT have strep.
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#BestBubby




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 11:48 am
This thread is a lot like the "husband potched 5 year old thread".

You know, for thousands of years the behavior you describe was virtually non-existent. Parents would "nip in the bud" all rebellious behavior by age 3.
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amother




Mint


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 11:55 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I wish more than anything I wouldn't have to write this post. This is not a new situation with him. I've posted other things about him, he's anxious, possibly ADHD, veering on ODD at the moment and being that I'm in the "profession" I'm using all that I can from my training to help him, but I think its getting to be time to seek a professional's opinion and advice from a 3rd party.

Problem is that we live in a tiny community and I dont' know how to go about getting a referral to a good psychologist/psychiatrist. Also, right now our finances are tight, and I'm not interested in wasting time and money unless I know we will get results.

Also, my son is manipulative, we lived in NY and I got him counseling in pre-K and pre1a and I saw no evidence of coping strategies. The few times I checked in with the counselor I felt he was counseling me more than him. I get that it often works in tandem, but in having the conversations and me bringing up the issues that my son gets "hang ups" about, the counselor had NO idea what I was talking about. He doesn't really bring up the problems that are bothering him and I've found that it can take him an hour to really open up about any problem that's bothering him and that's not conducive to a "15 min" or "30 min" therapy session. I know the lingo, I know conversation starters, he won't do them with me.

This manipulation is now bordering on, forgive me but the shoe fits, "terrorist mentality". He is threatening to do physical harm/damage on us and our possessions (he talks about smashing windows, breaking doors, breaking house, letting our car get into an accident) if I didn't comply with his "demands." Doing all that I can to "talk him down" without giving in and he "doesn't care" about the repercussions. If I put him in a time-out in his room, he will throw things and bang things against his door to try to break it. I've tried sending him outside in the enclosed backyard, but he doesn't want to be by himself (I'm in the kitchen which over looks the backyard).

He claims that I'm "not his boss, Hashem is" and therefore he doesn't have to listen to me. He has a bad habit of not listening to me talk to him or taking me SUPER literally

He mostly gets this way when he is hungry, but while he used to be a good eater, he's down to like literally pizza, chicken (not all chicken preparations) and meat (from cholent)--last night he agreed to pancakes for supper. A lot of foods that he used to like he says he doesn't like anymore and I don't know what changed. He won't try new foods--I tried mac and cheese, no. Spaghetti and meatballs, no. And it has to be on-his-terms so even if I would have food prepared for him when he comes home, if its not what he wants, then he won't eat it. He's barely eating his lunches at school--he was down to "chocolate spread sandwiches" b/c he won't eat anything else. I even tried splurging on the hot-lunch option on fleishig day, but he said he didn't like it. We live out of town, while we have access to frozen pizza, its not something we can have everyday. No, he doesn't like homemade, he doesn't like pizza bagels, he doesn't like plain bagels. I've tried tacos, I've tried lasagna, Ive tried rice.
Another reason he gets like this, and I call it the "perfect storm" is when he has to go to the bathroom, he can go by himself, I don't know WHY he holds it in or is resistant, but I have to literally push him into the bathroom, otherwise he is literally spitting at me, trying to bite me or being otherwise obnoxious and he threatens, and has actually peed on the floor/rug.

He HATES doing chores, will do ANYTHING to get out of them, no matter how small or well defined the chore is (considering that I know he might have ADHD I have that in mind when I give him the chore) and he will complain more than work, or say "I'll pick up 2 things and that's it"--when there's a floor full of clothing/toys that has to be put away. If I make him do the chores then I'm "The meanest mommy ever". Ive tried offering money incentives, but he only wants to do it for a price that I think is ridiculous for cleaning your room--like several dollars per chore--I'm offering 10cents, a quarter, with other opportunities to earn more--no. I've threatened to take away/give more of tablet time, no. His younger sister shares her room with her toddler brother who makes most of the mess, she offered to clean it up for a toy that she REALLY wanted. She did it, so I ordered her the toy. He complained that I "never do anything for him" and I said that "she offered, on her own, I didn't have to help her more than actually put her hanging stuff in the closet, so yes she earned it, you do the work, we can talk". He only wants to "talk" and not do the work.

A few weeks ago, we were trying to make early shabbos, I was in my bathrobe after my shower and he literally got me locked out of my bedroom with him outside my room, my husband had already left for shul and my son was mad at me because I "won't buy him a computer ever"--this was the first time he'd really ever brought it up. It took me 30 minutes and several moments of panic to figure out how to get back into my room. He knows I was REALLY mad at him, and he has not tried to do it again. He also realized that he was put at at a disadvantage b/c there was something in my room that he wanted and if I was locked out that meant no one could get it, so he hasn't done that again.

I try to love him, spend time with him--he doesn't want it. He doesn't want to do things by himself, he doesn't want to try. He's even starting to give up on school--saying its too easy/too hard/too boring. (He's very bright but not very motivated to work up to his potential). He wants to talk to me about his video games and I try my best to listen and give a hoot. I try to answer all of his questions--and he has good ones, but often he interrupts me before I even answer them.

What boggles my mind is that every so often, he's a perfect angel. Calm, sweet, and even helpful, but when this "Mr. Hyde" comes out--it is incredibly infuriating, he's out of control. I even wrote the following poem about him "There was a little boy who had a little toy, made by the company "Little Tykes". When he was good he was very very good, and when he was bad, Yikes!" I praise him, tell him how much I like it when he's good, and helpful, and listening, and I give him leeway when he's like that. Its like he's bi-polar, multiple personality, I don't precisely know that's beyond my scope. But its starting to scare me.

He's starting to use language that I don't like--not worse than "idiot" and "sucks" but I don't talk that way and I dont' care for it. I don't know where he's getting this language from, its bothering me that he is even talking like this. We don't really watch TV or movies but he does watch gamers on Youtube so I dont know if they are using this language.


I have a seven year old so I hear you, but unforatently most of it is normal, part of his development...

It's always good to disscuss it with a professional, but please don't label him!

At one point I was sure my son was a psychopath Can't Believe It until I discussed it with his gp - most of these things are normal for this stage.
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amother




Cobalt


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 12:01 pm
mha3484 wrote:
I have two kids with issues like you describe and the only thing that has ever worked for us is the book the Explosive Child. If you dont want to read the book you can go to the website www.livesinthebalance.org and access a lot of the same information there.

One of my kids is Severe ADHD and the other one is more anxious/sensory. This method helps both of them.

I had to accept the premise that Kids do well when they can and that if hes giving me a hard time, hes having an even harder time himself. Behavior is communication. Once I was able to see my kids using this lens a lot of our interactions got much better.

My almost 5 year old hits, throws and runs out the door. I went round and round with punishments until I realized that this is his reaction to overwhelming situations. His fight or flight kicks in when he cant manage a situation. I stopped punishing and started to teach him to self calm. Its improved majorly.


I'll second this- Ross greens method is incredible for kids like this but its NOT a quick fix.
Sounds like ASD to me. I have a son like this. He has friends and pretty good social skills, but the inflexibility, decreased empathy, literal thinking was enough to get him a diagnosis.
We just started the medication guanfacine/ intuniv which bli eyin harah is working wonders
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itsmeima




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 12:02 pm
amother [ Seashell ] wrote:
He actually sounds like a classic Pandas case...
Food restriction, major behaviour changes, and the up and down pattern of good vs.bad.
If he had many ear or strep infections as a young kid or you are in a country where he could've gotten a tick bite, this could've resulted in PANS.
Please check pandasnetwork.org for symptom information and names of doctors in your area who treat it.


"Food restriction, major behavior changes, and the up and down pattern of good vs.bad."

Umm, seriously, have you ever met a child that doesn't have "Food restriction, major behavior changes, and the up and down pattern of good vs.bad."
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amother




Natural


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 12:07 pm
#BestBubby wrote:
This thread is a lot like the "husband potched 5 year old thread".

You know, for thousands of years the behavior you describe was virtually non-existent. Parents would "nip in the bud" all rebellious behavior by age 3.


That is super helpful Rolling Eyes

My 11 y/o is similar, but on a less intense scale (b"H, we've been through a lot over the years with him). We tried all kinds of therapy, and yes, we even "nipped it in the bud" when he was 3 or 4, but some kids are just like that and are resistant to change.

Honestly, the biggest change in him came after we put him on ADHD meds last year. He had the first-ever year where he got phone calls and invitations from friends, where he finally found his niche in camp, where he finally started being able to have a conversation with us and control himself (sometimes LOL ). There is no magic solution, but Ritalin and DBT - plus maturity, it will come eventually! - is pretty darn close.

We actually let him stay off of the meds in the summer, and tried to start the year without them, and within a week of starting school we'd already gotten a complaint from his rebbi. The next day he was back on the meds, and there was immediate improvement.

Of course, the downside of that is that we get the worst side of him at home, as the meds wear off. We're working on that, and there has definitely been improvement.

I don't know if I'd recommend medicating him at that age, but I would definitely consider it if I were you. Please find a competent psychiatrist, it is hard and time-consuming but totally worth it.

Good luck!
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mha3484




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 12:13 pm
I just want to nicely point out that your writing of your post is very negative. Words like manipulative, a terrorist are kind of harsh for a seven year old. Its very likely he senses this is how you feel about him and it adds to his difficulties.

I truly feel that my role as a parent is for my kid to see me as their ally not their adversary. My kids know they can come to me and we will work together to solve their problems. If they see me as just another person in a line of those who want to punish them it creates more negativity and power struggles that dont solve anything.
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#BestBubby




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 12:16 pm
mha3484 wrote:
I just want to nicely point out that your writing of your post is very negative. Words like manipulative, a terrorist are kind of harsh for a seven year old. Its very likely he senses this is how you feel about him and it adds to his difficulties.

I truly feel that my role as a parent is for my kid to see me as their ally not their adversary. My kids know they can come to me and we will work together to solve their problems. If they see me as just another person in a line of those who want to punish them it creates more negativity and power struggles that dont solve anything.


The words many be harsh, but unfortunately, they are accurate.
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#BestBubby




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 12:17 pm
OP, if your son says he must listen to Hashem, learn Hilchos Kibbud Av V'Eim with him.

Also, how does your son behave in school? Does he listen to the Rebbe?
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amother




OP


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 12:49 pm
amother [ Mint ] wrote:
I have a seven year old so I hear you, but unforatently most of it is normal, part of his development...

It's always good to disscuss it with a professional, but please don't label him!

At one point I was sure my son was a psychopath Can't Believe It until I discussed it with his gp - most of these things are normal for this stage.


While in general I do agree, but the degree that he's pushing buttons and testing the limits, lack of reasoning or willing to give in, is getting extreme. I've worked with kids this age for a long time, and while I'm somewhat new to parenting, his behaviors go against all my experience and training. We've really tried avoiding any label but my husband and I who really don't want to potch, really do want to try a positive approach with him, he just sucks all the desire out of us to "be nice to him"-- of course I don't want to anything to hurt him, but when he takes his brother's homework and crumples it up and "doesn't care" and I try holding/hugging him, and he's biting and spitting at me. I don't have many options.

In school he's been "treading water"--staying afloat, but that he's not the "easiest student" I'm told that he's part of an "Active chevra", in camp this summer he had to be "punished" with some other students for not listening and while he was not considered the "ring leader" I agreed with the way that they handled the situation b/c it was becoming a problem. So far this year he's not been in school that much, they started end of august, we went away for Labor Day weekend, and he had a procedure that kept him out 2 days last week and today he "felt sick". He tells me he hates school and its stupid and boring.
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amother




Ruby


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 12:49 pm
Op, I understand that finances are tight for you. However, your son needs a full neuropsych evaluation. The longer you wait, the greater the risk of long term damage to your relationship with him and his overall self esteem. It's very possible that he needs medication. It's definitely the case that he needs to be accurately diagnosed, and then given an appropriate treatment plan. This is not a case of reading a book or implementing a method. I mean, those can likely help somewhat. But you need to know the full picture, and that's something a professional third party needs to be involved in.

Just want to add that some of your expectations are beyond what many seven year olds are capable of. Budgeting for a new computer is not something that should be on his radar. Wanting big ticket items is fine, he doesn't have a real understanding of finances. He'll get there, but not at age seven. Even if he's overall very bright. Different parts of the brain develop at different times; he's so young.
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amother




OP


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 1:12 pm
mha3484 wrote:
I just want to nicely point out that your writing of your post is very negative. Words like manipulative, a terrorist are kind of harsh for a seven year old. Its very likely he senses this is how you feel about him and it adds to his difficulties.

I truly feel that my role as a parent is for my kid to see me as their ally not their adversary. My kids know they can come to me and we will work together to solve their problems. If they see me as just another person in a line of those who want to punish them it creates more negativity and power struggles that dont solve anything.


Like I said, I would not normally use this language, but when your child says "take me home or I will smash the window" he actually threw something in the car last week while we were driving and "didn't care if we got into an accident"--or "get me xyz or I will break the door"--and actually bangs big things against his door, when I have done NOTHING to provoke him beyond normal parenting, I feel like I'm dealing with a terrorist.

He's not on the spectrum, his development has been very normal if not advanced for his age though I understand why you bring it up, it does sound like it, but if you'd meet him you'd never think that he's on the spectrum. He's very social, plays well with his siblings and friends. He just likes being "in control" rather than "limited interest" as would be with Autism.

I only bring up the "finances" of earning "big ticket items" because that's ALL that he wants, he claims he has "no toys that he likes" and he's mad at me b/c I won't let him play "Fortnite" and internet-based games (though I have allowed Minecraft b/c it doesn't require him be logged in). He has very "mature tastes". I've explained to him that many of his friends who have computers or video games also have older siblings and that we are a "younger" family so we are getting to that point but its not like his friends had it b/c they are the same age. He's VERY smart and does understand higher concepts, just sometimes he understands them on a 7-year-old level. He understands multiplication and division. If maybe I expect more from him its because he acts like he should be more capable. There are times when my husband and I go "who was that kid?" because he is SOO good and mature and doing the right thing. But as soon as he's gotten what he wants, then he's back to being obnoxious and rude.

I like the idea of "hilchos kibbud av v'aim" I'm not sure there's a text that's on his level. He won a Living Emunah book in a raffle last year and has actually sat down and really-read chapters of it on his own (not the kids version, the adult version and he was in first grade) but other than that he doesn't like to actually read anything b/c its' "boring" we have a lending library with all kinds of middos and kids-mussar books but he refuses to look at them.
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amother




Cobalt


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 1:18 pm
mha3484 wrote:
I just want to nicely point out that your writing of your post is very negative. Words like manipulative, a terrorist are kind of harsh for a seven year old. Its very likely he senses this is how you feel about him and it adds to his difficulties.

I truly feel that my role as a parent is for my kid to see me as their ally not their adversary. My kids know they can come to me and we will work together to solve their problems. If they see me as just another person in a line of those who want to punish them it creates more negativity and power struggles that dont solve anything.


I agree that the words she uses are a bit harsh, but come on, don't you remember how you felt toward your child before you started cps? The level of intensity of this kind of behavior wreaks havoc on everyone around. Give her some compassion.
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mha3484




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 1:36 pm
I think your probably right and I should have said it nicer or not at all and Im sorry.

I think kids pick up on our feelings about them and its something to think about but I could have said it in a different way.
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amother




OP


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 2:00 pm
I tell him all the time how much I love him, I call him zeeskeit all the time. I'm almost always gentle yet firm with my responses. Whenever he's in his "Dr. Jekyll" mode I give him all the praise and attention that I can. It hurts me SO much that despite all that I do, and want to do and give to him when "Mr. Hyde" comes out and he literally spits in my face, bites me and calls me "idiot" but I try my best to ignore it, while not letting my other children think that what he's doing is acceptable. I know that overall I'm doing the "right things" because I see it in my other children B"H. I know I'm not meant to be my children's "best friend" and that consequences are for his own benefit, but other than trying to break up the conditions for his "storms" which is becoming more difficult the fewer things he's wiling to eat and try--and I spoke to his pediatrician who said that I don't have to make him special suppers but if he's hungry he has to make it himself. The issue is that there are very few kosher breads where we live and they don't sell the chocolate spread that he likes (we've tried nutella) and we have to get it from bigger cities or order it in bulk, its not something that we can just let him do ad infinitum. He used to like tuna, but now he told me he doesn't like it anymore. If a sibling chooses supper and he doesn't like it, he's likely to throw a tantrum. I've figured it out that he has a lot of pent-up worry and fear and thoughts and I'm like "just talk to me and we can work it out" and that does often help but he has this thought stuck on his head that "I will never listen to him". But its like a roller coaster, it starts as the obnoxious, being rude, cheppering his siblings, and he gets me caught up in the banter (its often on the way home from school), and when I finally realize what's going on, getting him to eat something appropriate and go to the bathroom or talk about the problem things get better, but like yesterday he was "starving" and cheppering everyone to the point where I couldn't get supper going b/c he was being a monster--bothering everyone, not letting his brother do his homework so I had to stop what I was doing. Finally, when supper was on the table we were able to let him out of his room and he ate and he was calm again.
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mha3484




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 2:11 pm
OP, I have a 5 year old who likes to threaten to hurt people when he does not get his way. Physically he is a big boy. I said above that he gets aggressive and even runs. I can really understand a lot of what your feeling.

For my own child, he is desperately seeking to control his environment because to him it feels so out of control. I know what sets him off and we are working on it (Older child with severe ADHD) but a lot of what you describe sounds like your son is really struggling with anxiety. Anxiety in children often manifests like ODD and ADHD. The picky eating also fits in because its a way he can exert control over his environment. Kids have so little control over their lives that one of the few things they can control is food. If you can get an evaluation for anxiety I would do that.
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