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My 7 yr old is getting out of control
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southernbubby




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:59 am
If you have done all you can to make him happy, what would happen if you stop trying?
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mommy201




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 11:11 am
groovy1224 wrote:
Can people stop nitpicking on the specific terminology OP uses to express herself??? She isn't labeling him by using the Jekyll/Hyde terminology, she's using a well known literary reference to explain the extreme swings.

Just like how she's not actually accusing him of being a terrorist. OP does not actually believe her 7 year old has links to Al Qaida. She is saying that he has a habit of threatening violence if his demands are not met.

It's very frustrating when you are trying to explain your problem and people zero in on one word and forget the rest.


Not meaning to be nitpicky at all. In the beginning of the thread OP mentioned that "we" started calling him the names. I guess "we" means she and her husband and not she and her child, which is what I initially thought.

Regardless I understand using terms to reference behavior in her child such as "terrorist". However, negative references does nothing to improve anything in the situation, it only helps to reinforce in her mind and her childs mind that everything he does is impossible, terrorist like and difficult and this definitely will fizzle into the kids head. Children are very smart and can read into what their parents think of them. If he thinks his mom think he's bad (even sometimes) he will believe it about himself and see no reason to be any different.
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mommy201




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 11:14 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I'm using the "extreme labels" to describe the yes extremeness in his mood. What is a terrorist? Someone who threatens violence and destruction if you don't give in to his desires--and that is what he does. I said at the beginning that I didn't like resorting to these terms, but that is what is coming down to. Yesterday we had a good day. When he's fine--yes he's a normal 7 year-old. It's when he's threatening to throw things and hurt me or his siblings? That is normal? The fact that I can't find something to motivate him that's age appropriate? Almost getting me legit locked out of my room 45 mins before Shabbos just because he wants a computer that I'm "never buying him?" (which he only elaborated on AFTER the fact), it's a miracle that I figured out how to get back in.

Parent vs. Teacher, this bizarreness in his face when he's in his "Mr. Hyde" mode is kind of strange and I've never seen it before. For all of those calling this "normal 7 year-old behavior" what is your comparison point?

This is one reason I'm hesitant about therapy b/c it often comes down to attacking the parent and all the things I'm doing/not doing. Whereas its not addressing what is going on in HIS mind that triggers these episodes.

I dont' know what to do about the PANDAS, we're relatively new to this pediatrician and he comes very highly recommended, but I don't know if he really knows much about it, I was only able to relay messages through his nurses.


Perhaps this doesnt happen with every child his age but he is definitely not a first for many of these things. And different kinds of threatening and kids locking doors when they are frustrated and even throwing things is actually pretty normal behavior for a child going through a stage. It doesn't have to continue being the normal for you, but that would come along with a lot of changes.
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mommy201




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 11:16 am
#BestBubby wrote:
majority of street children were orphans, not runaways from parents.


You apparently have a lot of knowledge and know things from thousands of years ago, but yet I have failed to see any proof in almost anything you have posted on these parenting forums.
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mommy201




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 11:22 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
There's a reason why orphanages were disbanded in "favor" of the foster family situation. While still not ideal, it made sure that children were accounted for by a family who was supposed to take care of them.

That's what boggles my mind about my son. He's with 2 loving parents, stable home, he always has food to eat and clothes to wear, but he doesn't LIKE the food we give him, he doesn't always LIKE the clothes I buy. I even took him to the store and had him pick out a few shirts so that he would like them, but when I asked him why he's not wearing them he all of a sudden "doesn't like them". Some of it was that they are "too big"--they were a size up, but not completely oversized. For his birthday everything he wanted for his birthday was at least $50, we usually spend around $30 for birthdays. I spoke to him to find out his likes and interests b/c they have changed in recent times, and I tried to find something in the same category but in my budget, and while he seemed to like it at first one feature of the toy didn't meet his expectations, Amazon said it wasn't exactly a flaw so they couldn't do anything about it. So since that time he's been on my case that I got him a "stupid gift" and I "never do anything for him", I "never get him ANY toys"--but its like we have a box overflowing of legos, that they dont' touch, I got him a bat and balls, that he he's lost all of the balls. He spends most of the day playing his video game. The things he wants are not things that we can afford, nor do we think that he's old enough/mature enough/responsible enough or behaves well enough to get. Like one of his beefs is that I won't let him play "Fortnite" which is rated 12+.


I am sure you and your husband are both amazing parents and look like you really try hard with him. Raising children was never meant to be easy. If you think about it, the kids from dysfunctional or abusive homes are not necessarily the ones that act out as children since either they are forced/abused in to compliance or they want to protect themselves.
It's the ones that come from healthy normal families that can appear very challenging. I would try to look at it as more of a challenge that G-d put in your hands and that you can overcome and become greater. It is so frustrating when your in it. I've had a kid acting very difficult at a similar age as well. The only thing that worked after months and months of trying and frustration, was me working on myself, me changing. PM me if you want more details about this.
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Hashem_Yaazor




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 11:38 am
As a mother of a wide range of personality of kids, and several who have gone through this age, I don't agree this is in the realm of "normal". And it definitely won't go away on its own. And it probably won't go away quickly either, even with professional help. Please seek a competent therapist, now, perhaps family therapy sessions are in line at the beginning, and then he can start working on communicating feelings effectively, impulse control and anger management, appropriate reactions to scenarios, but you also need to be in some of the sessions to learn how to manage the dynamics between you -- not because you're at fault: you're certainly not; you seem like a great mother! -- but because he seems like he needs one specific, consistent parenting style that maybe an expert can help sort out what will work for him (whereas regular children probably can thrive on various bona fide styles).

I am not going to give any labels. That would be presumptuous. He needs a good evaluation and take it from there.

I wish you much hatzlacha. He can become an amazing adult, but you're going to have a lot of energy expended on him until he reaches that point.
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princessleah




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 2:31 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
This kid has an AMAZING memory in general--remembers very subtle details of events that happened when he was very young, (when he was evaluated his Working Memory which is a different kind of memory was in the 99th percentile at 4 yrs old) but can't recall what happened to his snack that day?


OP, you got his IQ tested when he was 4? What prompted this? What were the results? Did they do any further testing?

I will echo others saying he really needs an evaluation.
It could be PANDAS, it could be ADHD or a learning issues, it could be anxiety. The bathroom thing could be anxiety (encopresis happens a lot in children with anxiety). Hating school and calling everything boring may be a sign he's having some academic difficulty. How is his reading? Is he keeping up with the material at school? Is he an audio or visual learner?

This isn't happening in a vacuum. As you said he has a stable home life and loving parents. There's something else going on.
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amother




OP


Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 10:52 am
Thanks, I know he's a great kid with a lot of potential, I'm confused as to why he's so unmotivated to show it. Why asking him to help causes such a meltdown. Why he feels like "he doesn't care" about hurting and breaking things. But at times he's not like that and he's very concerned about rules and following rules.
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amother




Ruby


Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 10:55 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thanks, I know he's a great kid with a lot of potential, I'm confused as to why he's so unmotivated to show it. Why asking him to help causes such a meltdown. Why he feels like "he doesn't care" about hurting and breaking things. But at times he's not like that and he's very concerned about rules and following rules.


Kids are NOT unmotivated. They may be lacking skills, which can look like lack of motivation. But they naturally want to be successful. They just need the tools to help them.
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