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Treat your adult kids like adults! Stop the coddling! Vent..
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amother




OP


Post  Sun, Sep 15 2019, 5:34 pm
I would totally let it go but the principal wants me to be the bad guy so he can be the good guy....
If I didn't love other aspects of the job I would quit after phone calls like this one...
What kills me is the girls are really sweet they just are growing up in a culture where you can do whatever and mommy and daddy will pay money to fix it. It scares me sometimes- they literally don't have any concept of responsibility.
And I am pretty angry at this mom...
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singleagain




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 15 2019, 5:37 pm
When the principal wants to be the good guy... Does that mean that your gonna say "no" then the parent is going to say "give me the principal" and the principal will say "yes"

Cause that's totally uncool.
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amother




Puce


Post  Sun, Sep 15 2019, 5:39 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I would totally let it go but the principal wants me to be the bad guy so he can be the good guy....
If I didn't love other aspects of the job I would quit after phone calls like this one...
What kills me is the girls are really sweet they just are growing up in a culture where you can do whatever and mommy and daddy will pay money to fix it. It scares me sometimes- they literally don't have any concept of responsibility.
And I am pretty angry at this mom...



Why don't you politely tell the parents that you understand exactly what they are saying and you would be more than happy to look the other way, but the principal has to ok this. Advise them to call the principal and request an exception and you will gladly let it slide.
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amother




Seagreen


Post  Sun, Sep 15 2019, 5:40 pm
do you actually have the authority to make an exception?

I personally would not attach a whole story to it -- sounds very charged and triggering for you for some reason

do you like your job otherwise? sorry this is so aggravating for you
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 15 2019, 5:48 pm
I agree with OP. Someone told me she had to call in school, for her 12th grader to be excused for latecoming, because she was sleeping by grandma & didn't have her mom there to wake her. She is 18, almost getting married, why can't she be responsible for waking herself up. Why does mommy still have to take this responsiblity? And if she messed up, let her pay for that.
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 15 2019, 5:55 pm
We used to hate the secretary in hi-school who was the boogey monster. One day rule changed instead of whoever is late to enter classroom after teacher walked in at 9, would need to go to principal's office with note, new principal decided that 8:55 both entrance ways to hallways leading to classrooms would be locked. Ok fine, but if there was a lineup of girls trying to get in before it was locked, she would lock it, in front of our noses & not let us get in & write down each girls name & then we would have to sit detention. That was utterly cruel. No amount of pleading, cajoling would help for her to let them into hallway before their names were written down to report to principal. Besides that she held us up, so now we for sure had a bigger chance of getting into class late....
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amother




Blonde


Post  Sun, Sep 15 2019, 6:22 pm
In my school life I had those inflexible people and the realy nice ones. The inflexible people were always the ones who were afraid if they would be nice they would loose control. I dont know what you could do about it now. But I. The future. If the girls have a week to come over to you but didn't by day 6 I would call them to the office to remind them to have there mother call in or explain there absent. In high school we were only aloud to be absent 3 times. One year I had such a secretary. I was upset because I was sick with fever for 3 days and that left me with no days for anything else. I went to sleep very late for a siblings simcha, and wanted a couple of hours off the next day. Which was considered an absent.I was honest explained my excuse. And the secretary in charge of attendance told me unexcused, required a consequence. When my mother spoke directly to the principal she was very understanding. She said if not for the rule they have girls who play hooky together with friends with mothers that dont care even three excuses is enough. But responsible girls with involved parents even if they are absent 5 times with the mothers ok, its ok
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amother




OP


Post  Sun, Sep 15 2019, 6:29 pm
Prncipal wants me to say no and that he isn't available....
But if the parents are pushy enough he changes it for them
Yeah I'm triggered 'cause I'm always the bad guy so he can be the good guy...
I would leave but it's hard to find s/t with the flexabilty I need for college....
And most days I do enjoy the job-I love the people I work with accept for the boss-and the girls are really sweets
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rosezee




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 15 2019, 6:32 pm
cnc wrote:
Do you come off sounding like this when you speak to the parents? Or do you sound a little bit more professional?


OP I was thinking the same thing...
If you curse what’s so bad they do?
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rosezee




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 15 2019, 6:34 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thank You
And yes this is a constant thing - and the girls are constantly missing school and the parents ( our crowd is very rich and entitled) are constantly pressuring me to change things for them...


That’s must be really frustrating to deal with...
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rosezee




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 15 2019, 6:36 pm
amother [ Puce ] wrote:
Why don't you politely tell the parents that you understand exactly what they are saying and you would be more than happy to look the other way, but the principal has to ok this. Advise them to call the principal and request an exception and you will gladly let it slide.


Exactly this.

I’m not sure how the principle can be the good guy?
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rosezee




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 15 2019, 6:40 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Prncipal wants me to say no and that he isn't available....
But if the parents are pushy enough he changes it for them
Yeah I'm triggered 'cause I'm always the bad guy so he can be the good guy...
I would leave but it's hard to find s/t with the flexabilty I need for college....
And most days I do enjoy the job-I love the people I work with accept for the boss-and the girls are really sweets


That’s not ok
And you should speak to your boss about it, or wrote him a letter if you won’t be able to get the message accross.
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amother




Maroon


Post  Sun, Sep 15 2019, 6:40 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Prncipal wants me to say no and that he isn't available....
But if the parents are pushy enough he changes it for them
Yeah I'm triggered 'cause I'm always the bad guy so he can be the good guy...
I would leave but it's hard to find s/t with the flexabilty I need for college....
And most days I do enjoy the job-I love the people I work with accept for the boss-and the girls are really sweets


OP - it’s a job. Don’t bother yourself with whether the girls are being parented poorly or not - what you are really complaining about is that some parents make your job difficult. That can be said by everyone who had ever been in a school setting.
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STMommy




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 15 2019, 6:47 pm
OP, I have a very similar situation at work and I figured out that since my boss won't back me up when I play bad cop and don't give in to the parents, now I just give in. Made my life much easier. Your boss doesn't want the parents to even involve him. So just take matters into your own hands and remove your grief!
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imasinger




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 15 2019, 7:28 pm
OP, is the real source of your anger that 12th grade girls aren't being given enough responsibility for their lives by their parents?

Or is it possible the real source is a) mothers who have the chutzpah to swear at a helpless teacher caught in the middle, and b) a principal who expects a teacher to enforce a rule not of her making, with no backup?

If you haven't yet told the principal what happened on the phone this time, I think you should.
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amother




Seagreen


Post  Sun, Sep 15 2019, 7:36 pm
don't want to add to your upset but a teacher does not know what goes on in a girl's home and how much or how little responsibility she is given in any area....also why would I treat my 12th grader like an adult? she is not an adult

good luck dealing with what sounds like a stressful situation -- hope it gets better for you
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amother




Firebrick


Post  Sun, Sep 15 2019, 9:15 pm
[quote="amother [ OP ]"]The policy is that the student needs to come speak to me about absence within a week - if not it affects the grades of the classes missed.
These situation where mom calls a day after DD missed the deadline to tell me how I am a terrible person for letting the computerized attendance system do it s thing (I can't change anything without authorization from principal and when I told mom this she started cursing)
I mean seriously? She had a week
to talk to me!
And it's not just this mom-this is the attitude with most of our parents body-let the kids screw up and then we bully everyone into giving in to them....
Now my principal refuses to speak to the mom and wants me to be the bad guy.
For those who said I should chill - It is a VENT!!!!!
You can start a spin off with this girls mom where you talk about what a **** I am-this thread was supposed to be valadation...[/quote

Side note I would not want my kids teacher to use such language ever
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amother




Blush


Post  Sun, Sep 15 2019, 9:28 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Prncipal wants me to say no and that he isn't available....
But if the parents are pushy enough he changes it for them
Yeah I'm triggered 'cause I'm always the bad guy so he can be the good guy...
I would leave but it's hard to find s/t with the flexabilty I need for college....
And most days I do enjoy the job-I love the people I work with accept for the boss-and the girls are really sweets

Wait so are you upset at the principal or at the parents?

Because if you wouldn't really care about marking these absences, it seems that you might be misdirecting the anger that you feel for the principal putting you in this position rather than the students and parents..

So which one is it?
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amother




Salmon


Post  Sun, Sep 15 2019, 9:36 pm
amother [ Blonde ] wrote:
In my school life I had those inflexible people and the realy nice ones. The inflexible people were always the ones who were afraid if they would be nice they would loose control. I dont know what you could do about it now. But I. The future. If the girls have a week to come over to you but didn't by day 6 I would call them to the office to remind them to have there mother call in or explain there absent. In high school we were only aloud to be absent 3 times. One year I had such a secretary. I was upset because I was sick with fever for 3 days and that left me with no days for anything else. I went to sleep very late for a siblings simcha, and wanted a couple of hours off the next day. Which was considered an absent.I was honest explained my excuse. And the secretary in charge of attendance told me unexcused, required a consequence. When my mother spoke directly to the principal she was very understanding. She said if not for the rule they have girls who play hooky together with friends with mothers that dont care even three excuses is enough. But responsible girls with involved parents even if they are absent 5 times with the mothers ok, its ok

The difference is that you actually went to discuss the issue with the secretary and THEN she decided to be so rigid abt the rules. In op's situation, the girls have a WEEK to simply come over and talk - and seems like their excuse can be anything and it'll be accepted - and they're not bothering to do that.
Op, I'm totally with you. For a 12th grader not to be able to take a minute to come and explain the absence, and then get cursed by the mom, is incredibly frustrating. (Personally, tho, I wouldn't blame the principal. I'd just say, "Sorry, it's school policy, and the students know all they need to do is come over to talk to me to be excused. Please remind ur dd to do so next time.")
Op, what you may want to consider is posting a "reminder list" outside the office (bulletin board? white board?) with names of girls who need to come speak to you to avoid unexcused late/absence. In this way they still need to be responsible to some degree, but you may avoid dealing with ill-mannered parents.
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amother




Cerulean


Post  Sun, Sep 15 2019, 9:37 pm
Gosh, everyone give op a break. She's absolutely right. I was in HS just a few short yrs ago. We always got our moms to write up excuses for us.
Boy did life hit hard when I got a job... Laugh
I don't think it is the students fault though, I think the schools are to blame. They don't trust the girls and treat them maturely enough. If a girl tries to explain herself (ex: for coming late), often-time she will end up suffering the consequences regardless. In the meantime, her friend who got her mother to write some silly note will happily get off the hook.
The schools require everything to come from the parents, and never give the girls a chance to figure things out on their own.
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