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A PSA from my teenage daughter and me - sheitels
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 9:19 am
Dear teachers, my teenage daughter is very distracted by the way some of you constantly sweep your sheitel out of your face. It makes her crazy. And her friends crazy. Yes, they talk about you doing this. When you have bangs that cover your eyes, it takes away from their desire to try to make eye contact with you. The “head jerk” you do to get the hair out of your face is constant. Its annoying. It really detracts from your classroom presence in general.

Can I suggest a “school” sheitel that you can clip back? Bangs a bit shorter? Something - anything - to stop your hands from flying to your face every 10 seconds. If you were not in a sheitel, this would not be an issue. Or a fall. Or a tichel. I know not everyone wants to or can wear a tichel or fall, just using that to illustrate. This is a problem that all girls talk about but no one mentions.

At PTA, it makes ME crazy too! Hands constantly flying to your face truly distracts from what you are trying to say.

Thank you for taking my suggestion under consideration.

Amother because I discussed this in real life very recently.

(and I edited the title so no one reads it and thinks anyone is dictating anyone to do anything. That is so not the point here. My intention is to make teachers aware that this is a thing.)
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Squishy




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 9:22 am
And when I went to PTA, the moms were doing the sheital flip. This is what it is.

May I request you tell your daughter to stop the LH?
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flmommy




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 9:24 am
I am interested to hear what other people say. Maybe your daughter has the same sensitivities as you do that’s why she finds it so annoying. My guess would be others are not bothered. do not like when my sheitel falls in my face but it doesn’t distract or bother me when someone else’s does.
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singleagain




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 9:25 am
In general face touching is distracting. I remember when taking a speech class. If you were moving hair out of your face and s scratching your nose constantly. It was distracting and you could be marked down for that. I don't think this is anything to do with sheitals spefic, but good public speaking skills
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DrMom




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 9:27 am
Yes, it sounds annoying, but your daughter has no business dictating what sort of sheitel her teachers wear.
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 9:28 am
Squishy wrote:
And when I went to PTA, the moms were doing the sheital flip. This is what it is.

May I request you tell your daughter to stop the LH?


Its not LH for a teen to tell her mother what bothers her about her teachers. She needs to communicate these things to us. And if you think teens dont talk about their teachers to each other, you would be very wrong. Right or wrong, its what they do. You never discussed your teachers with your friends as a teen?

The sheitel flip does not need to be a thing. It means the style is wrong for you if you cant wear a wig and not develop a tic.
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 9:30 am
DrMom wrote:
Yes, it sounds annoying, but your daughter has no business dictating what sort of sheitel her teachers wear.

Dictating? Where do you see that? Its a suggestion. Also a PSA so teachers know this habit takes away for some kids. Just like schools dont allow teachers to wear flashy clothing because its distracting. Teachers need to know what this habit does to impact their classroom presence.

ETA - I even said in my OP it was a suggestion. I am truly confused with where you see a dictation.
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 9:31 am
singleagain wrote:
In general face touching is distracting. I remember when taking a speech class. If you were moving hair out of your face and s scratching your nose constantly. It was distracting and you could be marked down for that. I don't think this is anything to do with sheitals spefic, but good public speaking skills

SAME! And also we were told in public speaking not to do this on job interviews. For a reason.
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amother




Azure


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 9:31 am
A million years ago when I was in high school, we had a teacher who made us pin back our hair when it was in our faces. She claimed it was disrespectful not to make eye contact in class. I suppose that goes both ways.

ETA: I think this is the kind of thing that the parents can mention to the teacher.
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amother




Wheat


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 9:35 am
OP, as the mother of a teenage DD, I 100% agree.
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amother




Hotpink


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 9:38 am
OP - I totally agree with you. Not sure exactly how the message should be delivered - but yes - if your job is to stand in front of people and talk - you should figure out a way to style your wig so that it does not fall in your face.
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amother




Aquamarine


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 9:40 am
So interesting.

I recently had orientation for my elementary school daughters. The woman who spoke had her sheitel styled in a way that necessitated a head flip every few words. It truly resembled some kind of tic at times, and also oddly lent a flirtatious air to some of her jokes/witticisms. She was a limudai kodesh role model, and othetwise very tzanua, and older. I wondered why she had her sheitel styled in such a way, and yes, it was so distracting.
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urban gypsy




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 9:50 am
amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:
It truly resembled some kind of tic at times, and also oddly lent a flirtatious air to some of her jokes/witticisms.


Yep the flip is kind of the point of the hairstyle
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amother




Cobalt


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 9:54 am
I clip the front of my shaitel up only while I'm teaching or driving. The rest of the time it's down. The kids see me put it up when I walk in and out of the classroom. It helps me and them concentrate better.
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PinkFridge




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 9:56 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Its not LH for a teen to tell her mother what bothers her about her teachers..


I agree with this. Kids need to know they can say anything to their parents.

Now parents do need to be mechanech their children. You can broach if something is lashon hara and/or necessary to say. But please, don't be dismissive of anything your child says.

Ok, should kids be dictating what their teachers are wearing? I don't think so. But validate how this is impacting her. Offer her coping skills.
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amother




Silver


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:00 am
PinkFridge wrote:
I agree with this. Kids need to know they can say anything to their parents.

Now parents do need to be mechanech their children. You can broach if something is lashon hara and/or necessary to say. But please, don't be dismissive of anything your child says.

Ok, should kids be dictating what their teachers are wearing? I don't think so. But validate how this is impacting her. Offer her coping skills.


Precisely this. It's a great time to teach her the life important lesson that there will always be people around her that annoy her in some way. Expecting others to change for her, even if requested very respectfully, is wrong. Teach her how to cope with minor discomforts such as this, and it will go a very long way in life.
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:01 am
amother [ Cobalt ] wrote:
I clip the front of my shaitel up only while I'm teaching or driving. The rest of the time it's down. The kids see me put it up when I walk in and out of the classroom. It helps me and them concentrate better.


Thank you so much for paying attention to this.
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STMommy




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:02 am
wow, 100% agree.
the sheitelmachers need to not cut the wigs this way with the sweeping bang covering one eye. it looks ridiculous.
so does a bobby pin keeping the hair away from the face.
Ladies, you paid so much money for your wig, why live with a bad haircut that blocks your vision or necessitates an ugly bobby pin?
I don't get it.
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:03 am
PinkFridge wrote:
I agree with this. Kids need to know they can say anything to their parents.

Now parents do need to be mechanech their children. You can broach if something is lashon hara and/or necessary to say. But please, don't be dismissive of anything your child says.

Ok, should kids be dictating what their teachers are wearing? I don't think so. But validate how this is impacting her. Offer her coping skills.


Ok. I phrased it wrongly in my title line. I should have thought that through better. But where do you see her or me dictating anything? Its a request/suggestion/PSA. I'll change the title.

And of course I offer her coping skills. But posting here to make teachers aware that this is annoying is also something I can do to call it to teachers attention.
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Squishy




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:04 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Its not LH for a teen to tell her mother what bothers her about her teachers. She needs to communicate these things to us. And if you think teens dont talk about their teachers to each other, you would be very wrong. Right or wrong, its what they do. You never discussed your teachers with your friends as a teen?

The sheitel flip does not need to be a thing. It means the style is wrong for you if you cant wear a wig and not develop a tic.


A teen can tell her mother what about her teaching bothers her, but not about her person. That's off limits. Suppose a tubby teacher's clothes bother DD because they are too tight? Or what about a poor teacher who doesn't have nice outfits? Or a teacher with a birth defect who distracts DD?

You need to teach your daughter to stop judging people by their dress and mannerisms. She's the teacher and the authority. You need to stop discussing her person with your daughter. It's not nice. Would you like to be dissected this way?

DD came home and told me a certain teacher is now in shidduchim because her clothes suddenly got much better. I told her that's LH and none of her business to discuss.
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