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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
A PSA from my teenage daughter and me - sheitels
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:04 am
So funny, I never noticed this as a student or audience member at speeches.

My wigs must not be cut in this style, since I rarely flip anything...
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:05 am
PinkFridge wrote:
I agree with this. Kids need to know they can say anything to their parents.

Now parents do need to be mechanech their children. You can broach if something is lashon hara and/or necessary to say. But please, don't be dismissive of anything your child says.

Ok, should kids be dictating what their teachers are wearing? I don't think so. But validate how this is impacting her. Offer her coping skills.


Great post Pink!
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:10 am
Squishy wrote:
A teen can tell her mother what about her teaching bothers her, but not about her person. That's off limits. Suppose a tubby teacher's clothes bother DD because they are too tight? Or what about a poor teacher who doesn't have nice outfits? Or a teacher with a birth defect who distracts DD?

You need to teach your daughter to stop judging people by their dress and mannerisms. She's the teacher and the authority. You need to stop discussing her person with your daughter. It's not nice. Would you like to be dissected this way?

DD came home and told me a certain teacher is now in shidduchim because her clothes suddenly got much better. I told her that's LH and none of her business to discuss.


She is not dissecting or discussing her person. She is literally telling me that there is an issue many of her teachers have that makes it hard to focus in class. This is within her rights to talk to me about. You can disagree. This is not the same as telling me a teacher is fat, ugly, bad dresser, etc. This tic impacts her ability to teach. She can vent to me about it. Also, if a teacher had clothing that was too tight for whatever reason, I assume the menahel or head woman teacher would tell the teacher that her clothing is inappropriate, would she not? This is a matter that seems to go unspoken about. So I am bringing it to teachers attention that its annoying and distracting.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:13 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Ok. I phrased it wrongly in my title line. I should have thought that through better. But where do you see her or me dictating anything? Its a request/suggestion/PSA. I'll change the title.

And of course I offer her coping skills. But posting here to make teachers aware that this is annoying is also something I can do to call it to teachers attention.


OP, this was not a direct response to you. I'm trying to validate you too Wink
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SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:13 am
OP this is a satire, right?
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:13 am
PinkFridge wrote:
I agree with this. Kids need to know they can say anything to their parents.

Now parents do need to be mechanech their children. You can broach if something is lashon hara and/or necessary to say. But please, don't be dismissive of anything your child says.

Ok, should kids be dictating what their teachers are wearing? I don't think so. But validate how this is impacting her. Offer her coping skills.


Again, where do you see dictating? This is to bring something to teachers attention. They may not realize this is an issue for some. I know that most teachers WANT to know if they can do something differently that would enhance their classroom or teaching. If all it takes is a clip or a tuck of the hair behind an ear, wouldn't you want to know?
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Blessing1




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:15 am
Squishy, OP is 100% right about this. I also absolutely hated when teachers did that, it's annoying and unprofessional. It's really annoying, distracting, and hard to concentrate when you're supposed to be looking at the teacher for an hour straight and every minute the teacher needs to sweep the bangs out of her face. It used to drive me crazy. It's not kavod habrios from the teachers part.
And it's not lashon hora for a child to tell this to her mother, come on.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:15 am
SuperWify wrote:
OP this is a satire, right?

Yup, you got me! My self and a few other amothers here got together to make this funny thread. All of the ones who see the same thing I see. We all thought it would be clever.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:15 am
Squishy wrote:


DD came home and told me a certain teacher is now in shidduchim because her clothes suddenly got much better. I told her that's LH and none of her business to discuss.


I might have said, Ooh, I hope you girls aren't discussing this. Ok, yeah, of course you are, but watch it when you get into these conversations, it's not really your business to discuss.
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:16 am
PinkFridge wrote:
I agree with this. Kids need to know they can say anything to their parents.

Now parents do need to be mechanech their children. You can broach if something is lashon hara and/or necessary to say. But please, don't be dismissive of anything your child says.

Ok, should kids be dictating what their teachers are wearing? I don't think so. But validate how this is impacting her. Offer her coping skills.


Of course kids should no be dictating what their children are wearing - this seems to be OP's writing style not her child going up to teacher and demanding a change.
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SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:17 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Yup, you got me! My self and a few other amothers here got together to make this funny thread. All of the ones who see the same thing I see. We all thought it would be clever.


Phew!!! Now I can resume breathing normally.
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:20 am
Squishy wrote:


DD came home and told me a certain teacher is now in shidduchim because her clothes suddenly got much better. I told her that's LH and none of her business to discuss.


That's gossip.

Ma - my teacher's "hair" is always in her face - and she's constantly pushing it away and its super annoying - is not gossip.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:20 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Again, where do you see dictating? This is to bring something to teachers attention. They may not realize this is an issue for some. I know that most teachers WANT to know if they can do something differently that would enhance their classroom or teaching. If all it takes is a clip or a tuck of the hair behind an ear, wouldn't you want to know?


This is an interesting question. At what point is a teacher's appearance so distracting that something should be said. You're getting opinions here and so far, it seems like your daughter might need to put up with it.

I personally think you have probably made some positive impacts with this thread. Even indirectly. For example, someone might be going on an interview and is now clued in that she better style her sheitel differently. And others might be rethinking too. For all you know, a sheitel macher's reading this and from now on she'll ask her customers, are you sure you want this? Will it be inconvenient for you?

Personally, I think your OP (original post) was completely unobjectionable. And kudos for being your daughter's advocate.
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amother
Teal


 

Post Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:23 am
Funny this thread.

My Chassidish brother recently visited our family from E"Y (he chose this Derech - our family is not chassidish). I love him dearly, but during the visit he sat there twirling his long payos so they stay curly, non-stop.

It drove me to distraction (but I didn't say anything.) I would never tell someone else how their hairstyle should be.
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chestnut




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:23 am
Very interesting. Would you post the same thing about a single or non frum teacher, having long bangs in her hair and constantly moving it off her face?
Teens pay attention to and discuss everything about their teachers - shaitels, hair, clothing, shoes, makeup, phones, etc.
Imo, it's really inappropriate to make such requests. To vent here about it, sure. To mention it, so teachers are aware of the impact, sure. But to request a school shaitel/different head covering? Wow
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amother
Smokey


 

Post Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:28 am
Here I was thinking bangs and shorter layers around the face were a thing of the past... had meet the teacher night and teacher had her wig all one length pinned behind her ears...
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urban gypsy




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:28 am
chestnut wrote:
Would you post the same thing about a single or non frum teacher, having long bangs in her hair and constantly moving it off her face?


Um, yes? I don't understand your implication.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:31 am
chestnut wrote:
Very interesting. Would you post the same thing about a single or non frum teacher, having long bangs in her hair and constantly moving it off her face?
Teens pay attention to and discuss everything about their teachers - shaitels, hair, clothing, shoes, makeup, phones, etc.
Imo, it's really inappropriate to make such requests. To vent here about it, sure. To mention it, so teachers are aware of the impact, sure. But to request a school shaitel/different head covering? Wow


Yes I would post the same thing about someone who does this with their own hair. Its just not an issue generally because with natural hair, people tend to be quicker to use a clip or tuck behind an ear.

Again, this is a place for me to bring this to teachers attention. This thread is interesting. Some people really agree with me and for others, it seems to be touching a nerve. Thats the nature of threads like this, I know.

Please tell me where you see me making any sort of request? I made a few suggestions in case a teacher reads this, realizes this is something she does, and wants to make a change. A clip. An ear tuck. A sheitel for school that is styled in a different way. No where did I request a different head covering, I clearly said I referred to a fall or tichel as illustration that this is only an issue with certain style of wigs. I am really not sure what deserved your "wow".
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chestnut




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 18 2019, 10:47 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Yes I would post the same thing about someone who does this with their own hair. Its just not an issue generally because with natural hair, people tend to be quicker to use a clip or tuck behind an ear.

Again, this is a place for me to bring this to teachers attention. This thread is interesting. Some people really agree with me and for others, it seems to be touching a nerve. Thats the nature of threads like this, I know.

Please tell me where you see me making any sort of request? I made a few suggestions in case a teacher reads this, realizes this is something she does, and wants to make a change. A clip. An ear tuck. A sheitel for school that is styled in a different way. No where did I request a different head covering, I clearly said I referred to a fall or tichel as illustration that this is only an issue with certain style of wigs. I am really not sure what deserved your "wow".

I'm just having a hard time imagining such post about a public school teacher.
I see I misread the part about tichels and falls. Sorry.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 18 2019, 11:16 am
Anything on a teacher’s person that distracts from their message should be removed or replaced. Schools have teachers handbooks that address this. If it is a common problem in the school and other students have the same complaint, it should be taken up with the administration or whomever sets the rules.

I just asked my daughters. (9 and 11) They said that some do it more than others. I asked if it distracts them, they said no, because they are used to it since they all do it.
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